Hi,

I am planning to drop of this flyer at the larger real estate offices in my town. It's one page long and it's important to keep it that way.

http://marketingcomrade.com/cgi-bin/...d=1&a=t&tid=16

Any comments are welcome.

Thank you,

-Alex

Alex,
You've been here long enough to know that your sales letter should lean more towards the customer and not the owner of the product or service.

The whole sales letter is one big bragging board for the owner of the store.

I would scrap the whole letter and start from scratch. Also work on the headline... I had to read it twice and s-l-o-w-l-y to understand it's meaning.

Hope I wasn't being too hard on you. Have a nice weekend.

No problem, Stephen. I knew it wasn't good before I put it up here. I just couldn't find a way to fix it, and you just pointed it out it ain't fixable. My "research" consisted of transcribing the stuff the guy who started this thing was saying to the shoppers, hence the product-focused brag.

As for the headline, I had one realtor read it and he knew what I was talking about. But you're right, it's a tongue twister.

Well, back to the drawing board...

Thank you,

-am

Alex,
Rather than representing yourself as just an art dealer who is trying to sell product, you need to build immediate rapport and step inside your target market's "mind".

You want them feel comfortable and let down their guard... you need to build rapport.

This is just something off the top of my head, but it's a start:

Attention: Before closing your next real estate deal you need to read this special report...


Have you ever wondered why your competition closes more deals all year round while you sit by the phone waiting for someone to call?

The "other" guys always seem to close more deals, but you don't know why?

In a moment I will expose the secret methods that some of the top real estate earners use to consistantly grow their referrals (and their bottom line), but first I would like to speak to you one-on-one.

__________________________________________________ _______


I know it sounds a bit corny, but you need to establish rapport right from the start and at the same time you need to show that you are there to help (not sell your business)... the selling part needs to be subtle and at the precise moment.

IOW - Only give this information right before your offer.

Make it very brief, but be firm...

Do your best to make them think that by taking action, "they" are making the perfect decision. Have them believe it is "their" idea.

Read about (and understand) the AIDA formula.

Follow the formula and you can't go wrong.

Hope this helps!

PS - You might want to use this idea:

By investing in a "percieved" high-value gift, they will make tons of more money through referrals. Explain that using this method will result in them making more in sales and in turn the product they use is not even really costing them money... it's making them money.

It's a great return on a very small investment.

Alex,
I agree with every point that Stephen made, and not just because he's from Texas, too. He is trying to help you out.

I would suggest taking some time to ask: What is the major benefit of these works of arts to realtors (the target audience)? What benefit would they gain from giving them as closing gifts?

They make a memorable gift; one that stays in the home for years, reminding the buyer of their realtor. The next time it's time to sell their home, all their client has to do is glance at the gorgeous work of art on their wall, to think of who to call.

This is just to help you get started. People on the forum can't rewrite a whole letter for you, pro bono, but we can give you ideas to help.
Make your letter about your customers, and how they will be helped.

Put the testimonials about the quality to the side, or in a box, as just that...a testimonial. But let the main copy speak directly to the needs of the realtors you are trying to reach.

I would also clean up your grammar quite a bit, too. Informal is good, but correct grammar goes a long way towards saying "professional". This is meant to be helpful, not to slam. Please take this critique in that spirit.

Good luck with your project!

Sheri



.

Me being graceful has little to do with "I'm a big boy and I can take it". I'm simply working (rather frantically, hence this letter) on solving a real business problem and need to do that fast.

I understand the approach you're suggesting, and maybe I'd go there was I not limited by my media of choice to just 1 page of copy. It would work nicely were I selling real estate coaching classes or something like that. But here, we're talking cheap picture in a piece of wood. Since I haven't sold this to any agents yet, I can't say their "competition is closing more sales" because of me or my product. I think this approach would be taking them too far, and I need to bring them home using just 1 page of printed text.

I very much like your PS though. That's EXACTLY what I need. This is actually so good I can forgive the insult of suggesting I haven't heard of AIDA

Thanks again,
-am

Alex,
I don't always know everyone's level of education on writing copy, so I assume everyone is new at this. Understand that sometimes I do speak in basic terms when trying to give help.

Another thing... you are not selling a cheap picture in a piece of wood, unless of course your selling the infamous "Velvet Elvis" picture or dogs playing poker... (just kidding).

BTW - You're not selling art, you're selling dreams, fantasies, and beauty.

Alex:

I don't want to rehash what Stephen and Sheri said, but one more comment:

If I were a real estate agent and received this flier, I would be much more inclined to read it if there were some actual examples of the pictures you are offering.

In your P.S. you say "You gotta see [our pictures]" The R.E. Agents I know are much too busy to drive to you just to see your pictures... so I'd suggest letting the pictures come to them, so to speak.

Hope that helps,
Jim

If I were Alex I had copied every single damn thing you posted right there, these ideas are disgusting good and I know they will work too, and there is no "but"

Rock-On-Stephen!!

Peace
Peace

Hi Alex,

I think Stephen's closer to mark, though I'm not sure if his headline is...

It gives a big benefit, but it's sort of vague. Your headline had more of a definiteness to it, that made it more believable. Something for them to latch onto quick. I'm sure they get enough hyped up promises about being able to close more. Unless they see something solid, quickly, I think you'll losst them.

Maybe combine them somehow (no mega-headline, though).

I like yours because it's clear that you have a gift they can use wihtout cutting into their commissions.

"Here's How You Can Get A Perfect Closing Gift That Your Clients Will Actually L-O-V-E To Have, And Not Have It Chew Too Much Into Your Commissions"

I think the problem with your headline is wordiness. Things like "Too Much" is probably hurting the headline. By saying "Too Much" you are admitting that it will "chew" into their commissions.

How about...

Here's The Perfect "New Homewoner" Gift
To Help You Close More Clients
(Without Chewing Into Your Commissions)

I'm not sure if that's ther right route or not. Don't know enough about the situation.

I wasn't clear whether this helped close the sale, or just helped cement the relationship after the sale is made (and hopefully create referrals).

The benefit to them using your art has to be super-clear.

As Stephen cited, the letter is too product/business orientated. Especially for the lead.

You might want to start with your PS as lead. That got my attention. Speak from the point of view of a dissatisfied customer. I'm assumming, since you work with real estate agents, that they feel like their closing gifts are a little embarrassing.

If that's the case, that might be the angle for the copy and possible the headline...

"What Your Clients Are Too Polite To Tell You About Your Closing Gifts"

Then start with a sort of "Psst, it's time you heard the truth..."

Just rambling now. But I think you need a definite prospect-orientated angle to the copy -- whatever you feel is the best trigger for their attention and for them to take action.

I'd also consider making it mandatory they call you and book an time that they can come by. This drop by deal won't work too well, in my opinion. You need to get them calling, set up a time, and then remind them of the time. And if they don't shop up, you need to call them back and set up another time.

But I think first contact should be the phone -- not the pavillion. It also allows you to start building a relationship.

The only other suggestion is to really explain why your art is so different and special. Not that people "love it" but why they loved it. What makes it so unique, that it will be a gift remembered for years -- not something that just blends into the interior (or gets stored in an attic).

I suspect it's the referral power of the gift that's going to be the big benefit to the agent. I'm guessing he doesn't say, "Okay, we'll sell you the home for $460,00 and I'll throw in this fine European print for FREE!!!!"

But if it's something that people are going to literally see, enjoy and be proud of everyday. If it's something they are going to show guests. Then that would lead many referrals. It's almost like having the agent's portrait in their home. Something to help them remember his name, and tell others.

And, of course, go back to that agent, if they move.

Hope something I've rambled helps,

John