Hi everybody,

I have writen the begining of a sales letter for my first infoproduct
which will be about free mp3 downloads. It goes till the point before
introducing my product. Give it a look and tell me what you think.
It is on a page of an affiliate site mine. Know that my native language
is not english.

http://www.rock-climbing-guide.com/freemp3.html

Thank you,

Anastasios

Hi there!

Without meaning to be a killjoy, isn't doing what your site says "illegal"?

No! Filesharing is totally legal.

WHAT you share has legal issues.
That is up to you.

I am only going to show people
how the method works.

Anastasios

Good stuff!

You've done some great copy and a good job analyzing your target audience - you're really focussing on the ideal customer which is the new guy trying to get mp3's but getting frustrated at the task.

You've also done a good job on the bullets towards the end, where you talk about the "new method". The only thing I didn't like so much is the "Time Wasters" part. You lost my interest a bit there. I think you should condense it into like:


At least mention the time wasters in bold so they allow for easy scanning. People read web texts very loosely, so make sure they don't have to dig through lengthy content in order to get your point. Shorten it or make it scannable, or better yet do it both like in the example above.

Other than that, great writing. I'll be curious to see the final version

Hi Erik,

Thanks for checking out the letter.


The time wasters thing is a little long to make them see that I know
what I am talking about. It sure can be stronger and formatted differrently. Thanks for the tips.

You liked the bullets right? And imagine that these bullets are for something that is free (I love programmers...). Wait to see the bullets of the actual product.

I have to agree with Erik that your copy is overall great! Just expand on it
a little more and you've definitely got a winner!

Good luck!

I have made some changes from what Erik told me and took it a little further with another subheadline before explaining the second part of the method.

Every suggestion is welcome here is the url again

http://www.rock-climbing-guide.com/freemp3.html

Hi all. I have added a Name Squeeze page also.
You can find it at

http://www.rock-climbing-guide.com/freemp3index.html

The audio message is not there yet. You can press the button if you want to hear me saying some things in Greek.

Any suggestions are welcome.

Thanx

Hello Anastasios:

Looks fine to me. Just one small suggestion. Add an exclamation mark to the end of your headline. Sort of like adding the final touch to your masterpiece! Best of luck!

Hello Anastasios,

Overall, this is a good solid letter, and it should do pretty well for you. The details for improvement are subtle, but I found several points for your consideration (below).

BTW, very good work considering English isn't your first language, I know how hard it is to write in a second language. You should have it cleaned up further though, there are many spelling and grammatical errors that won't help, and could hurt a little.

1) Put your subheads in capital letters (minor issue).

2) Don't compare a Ford to a Porsche negatively, you might unwittingly upset some Americans. Use a neutral analogy, even exaggerate here... "It's like comparing a Ferrari to a bicycle in acceleration and speed (ok, I'm exaggerating, but you get the point)... go with the faster vehicle!"

3) This needs some clarification to make sure it isn't misunderstood (you don't want people to have to stop and think), you can add... (Unfortunately, you can easily run into) stupid users of these programs...

4) Now you get to your bullet points in the filesharing area (good subhead, and nice little legal fact box).

You could make each bullet much stronger...

Basically you need to put each main benefit up front, then follow it with some explanation, don't start with the explanation. A good way to get into the habit of this is to use an action verb to start off each bulleted benefit. Then ask yourself, is this a benefit or a feature?

The above bullet could be...

Stop feeling like a time wasting, chained hawk uselessly monitoring unstable Mp3 downloads... Just start the download and forget about it. The download system I will show you is as stable as a 2 ton rock fixed in concrete. Do things you like and don't stare your computer screen for hours to see if everything is ok.

I just winged that, but...

As Michel tries to hammer into his copywriting students heads constantly, don't mix up features with benefits! Keep asking yourself... what will this action allow me to do?... eventually the "feature" will take you to the real "benefits".

These real "benefits" should be your main bullets.

5) Drop it... it adds nothing to the flow, it has a kind of unnecessary apologetic feel.

6) At your "YOU CAN..." benefit bullets... I would drop the "YOU CAN" and start the bullets with your verbs and opening phrases (in bold), you want to catch the letter scanners with a little more direct benefit.

Again, just because I listed a lot of points to help you improve this letter doesn't mean it's bad, quite the contrary, I feel it has great potential... it just needs some fine tuning.

Hope this helps,

Tim