Ok here's my latest release ... any feedback on the salesletter?

I've learned a lot from Michel Fortin and John Carlton, this salesletter reflects my best work to date, as I've worked Hard to learn the strategies and apply them to my own copy.... any comments, flames or thoughts on it?


http://www.WritingAdwords.com


thanks much,

Ken

Ken,

Your copywriting is absolutley amazing and would put a lot of CW to shame, well done :P

One tip: cut back on some of the fluff! You know the kind of ramble on a bit stuff that just makes the copy drag on rather than flow with pace.

Briliant Ken, brilliant!

Hi Alan, hey thx much... I'll work to make it a bit more pithy .... it needs some "ah ha" moments of truth for the customer in the body copy .. I'll tighten it down too to edit out anything that doesn't drive the sale forward..

trying a new tabloid-style header graphic, will be split testing that against more traditional ones as well...

updated header graphic + headline, will work on body copy improvements this week..

ken

Excellent copy, Ken!

Just one tiny comment. Your first subhead ends with "... like a Coffee-Drinking Internet Marketer!" What is that supposed to mean, exactly? It sounds a little silly to me. IMHO, I think that subhead would be much more powerful if you just dropped those last 6 words.

By the way, I enjoyed the videos quite a bit! It's quick and easy way to learn all about Adwords -- much better than reading an ebook! Great idea!

Hi, re 'coffee'... trying to think of an upbeat alternate to "internet marketer on steroids", eg some high-energy phrase ... I'll give some thought to redirecting the close to a specific benefit vs slang, good idea..

ken

Instead of, "... like a Coffee-Drinking Internet Marketer!"

How about, "...like a caffeine-mainlining Internet Marketer!"

I'd use:

"like a Marketing Workaholic on Autopilot"

The autopilot wording always adds some extra punch to a promise because people love to make money without putting in extra hours once its setup.

I wouldn't be doing anyone a favor, by not sharing some hard earned knowledge with you, Ken. This is good copy. It will sell, especially to traffic that's at all warm. Here are a few tweaks that will give you an extra margin. It's intended to be taken as a gift.

This line is pretty darned good, Ken.
Copywriting How-To Secrets to Help You Write Stunningly Profitable Google Adwords Campaigns...

The following line would be stronger if the above line weren't there, already. The reason is that you're using unqualified comparators in your pre-pre-head, your pre-head, and 'finally'. in your headline. "Stunningly profitable" is good, even though it's not specific. You're courting a problem to follow that with another non-specific: "Improve the sales..." and then "Better Sales Results". Specifically, what are you promising me that's exciting?

Want to Improve the Sales from your Google Adwords Campaigns..?
"Get Better Sales Results from Your Google Adwords Campaigns By Swiping the Top Insider Secrets
for Writing Profit-Pulling Successful Ads...A Full 2-Hour Seminar Reveals all in this Sales-Boosting DVD...!"

What follows is good. You don't need the simile on the end and I suggest always using present tense, at least until you're through your lead.

Just Use Half of What's Uncovered in this Astonishing DVD, And Watch Your Updated Adwords Campaigns Pull In an Ass-Kicking Hurricane of Hungry Buying Traffic.

By not using specifics, the aggregate message, or promise comes across as a well written form of "really, really, really good, results". "Geez, you made $371,000 and all I get is 'improved' and "better" sales?" It's anti-climactic, particularly in relation to the $371,000 claim in your header. Yes, that's making an implicit claim in relation to what results I can expect. I know you're using it to establish credibility, but it carries with it a "you can too", message.

Finally, "months", simply isn't an impressive amount of time. This is a case where the specific time frame is better left unsaid and a non-specific works better to sell.

You can accomplish Alan's comment about cutting down the fluff by trimming the adjectives and replacing them with some well-chosen verbs.

And I've discovered (through painstaking, expensive testing and trial-and-error adwords placements) an easy-to-use step by step process that can quickly help improve your campaigns' sales results quickly, once you learn my top sales tips...

Please don't take this as me saying that your writing isn't good. It is good. These are just some tweaks.


Peter Stone

Hi Ken,

I love your very innovative approach... and congratulations on your new product... you really crank them out! It's no wonder you're so successful.

Peter just posted while I was having some fun with your headline... (you changed it didn't you?)... I don't remember your old headline, but I felt the same as Peter in that it was somewhat subdued compared to much of the rest of your copy...

I winged together a pre-headline, headline, and sub-head idea that I felt went more to the core benefits for your consideration...

-----

Who Else Wants To Turbo-Boost Their Google Adwords Campaign Profits?

Crack The Code To Massive ROI Profits In Your Google Adword Campaigns Starting Today... Grab Jealously Guarded Insider Secrets That Only A Few Top Pros Use To Transform Simple Offers Into Proven 24/7/365 Cash Cows!

... Learn The Same Exact Techniques I Banked On To Generate Over $371,000 With My Adwords Campaigns... Want The Same Ass-Kicking Hurricane of Hungry Buying Traffic Flooding Your Way?

Hope it helps you in some way. Keep up the great work!

Here's one you might consider testing:


"Who Else Wants A Flood of Ready-To-Buy, Pre-Qualified Prospects - Simply By Watching This Fun, Step-By-Step DVD: Short-Course To Success, That Gives You All The Detailed Secrets Of This $371,000 Adwords Copywriter - Jump Starting Your Adwords Profits In Less Than 2 Hours Flat?"


Peter Stone
Online Copywriter