I've had my sales letter site up for a while and have tweaked it several times. I have even lowered my price twice. But sales are not good. I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong.

I have several articles out there, have done PPC and am getting several hundred unique visitors to the site every month.

The product is very good, but customers will never know if they don't buy it.

If I use your suggestions/ideas, I'll send you a free copy of the e-book.

My site is Copywriters Board jobchangingsystem.com

Thanks for your help and input

Dave

Hi Dave,
First of all, I would move all your links at the top of the page to the bottom of the sales letter. By doing this, there is less of a chance that they will click away from your message.

Also, you need to make sure that if they do click on a link, that it opens in a new window. Right now if you click on one of these links, it takes you to another page and your message is gone... they may close the second window and you've lost them forever... never to see your page again!

One of the things that I found out of place was when you say the word "Skeptical" in your first subhead.

You start off by assuming that I don't believe a word you're telling me. I would remove this. You are unknowingly putting up a barrier in your readers subconscious.

If I told you to NOT think of a pink elephant... what is the first thing you think about?

In your bullet questions, you might consider focusing on the "get a higher-paying job". I think this should be one of the highlights of this letter.

Nobody just wants a "job", they want the highest pay possible. Most people hate "jobs", they want the results of a good paying job... they want to be able to never worry about finances ever again.

Focus on this desire and the rest of your letter will fall into place.

When you say "Let me repeat…he who has the best “story” wins or in this case, gets the job."

I would change the starting words to say "In other words". In your original phrase you are not repeating or quoting a statement already made, thus it doesn't make logical sense.

(I'm skimming, so please forgive me if I miss some things along the way).

In this subhead:

You are assuming that I want to go from interview to interview... what a waste of my valuable time!

Listen, If I were looking for a job, I would certainly NOT want to spend all of my time doing this. I would want to be able to "choose" wherever I want to work at whatever pay scale I want.

I would change it to say just the opposite... something like:

Hi, I wanted to share some ideas.

1. You are in a fairly competitive niche, up against folks like "gotthejob.com" and "resumepower.com" for keywords like "Resume writing" and "finding a job".

Some of these sites offer guarantees for their system, or credentials that include experience helping folks in a particular field. So, you have to show why your system is better, and build credibility. Show from the beginning why you offer more than a resume writing service.

In looking over your letter, I saw two interesting tidbits:

You’ll learn how to become an Instant Qualified Candidate. In less than 30 minutes, I'll open your eyes to one of THE biggest opportunities to get noticed quickly that you've ever seen - and it is one of the easiest to do!

Hmmm, I'm looking for a better job, or need a job yesterday.
"How to Make Sure YOUR Resume Doesn't End Up in the HR 'Slushpile': I'll Show You How to Be the Candidate Who Gets Noticed - and Get the Job"

A headline like this addresses the #1 problem when folks are job-hunting: resumes and cover letters get weeded out by the "gatekeepers" in HR...and you're showing them how to stand out, and get the job they want.

Here's another interesting tidbit buried in your copy:


8 things you must NEVER write in you cover letter or resume. Most job changers just don't get it. They've been told by recruiters, counselors and friends and family to follow certain rules. I've created my own rules

Why not use this to hook readers?
"Do You Know the 8 Things That Will KILL Your Chances to Get the Job You Want, If You Put Them In Your Resume?" Learn how to avoid the mistakes that most job-seekers make...

By the way, I HATE the annoying form that takes over my browser. I always, always close sites that use this overly aggressive technique, immediately. I always assume that folks that are this "in your face" are also secretly harvesting my email address, so it's an immediate "get out of here, immediately!" signal to me.

Now, I am going to say something that will have folks here jumping over me, but I don't care. I don't think that the "hyped up" sales letter approach will reach the audience you are trying to reach. It will turn a lot of them away.

Instead, I would go with a more professional look and tone. Sorry, I thought the "gotthejob" site has it all over yours, as far as layout and sales approach to this market. More professional fonts, site design and appearance will appeal to a broader audience: or why not split-test, and see which one does?

Put a testimonial at the top of your site, of someone you helped. A job-seeker needs to see that your system works, right away. The "I Got a Job Within 30 Days" one is strong, and should go front and center, even under the headline.

Anyway, good luck with your program! I hope you sell plenty of ebooks.




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Hi Dave,

It looks like you and I are on similar paths. I think you are getting some great advice from the forum. I'm gleaning all I can get as well.

Maybe we could do some sort of cross-promotion? PM me if you are interested in looking into it.

All the Best,