Hey everyone, sorry I've been scarce around these parts the last couple of weeks, I've been swamped with my big ticket launch of the year...

I'd value your help - please critique this email sent below.. (I'll be sending another one or two or three between now and Saturday.. looking for how to improve... RIP IT APART, guys and ladies - thanks.. )

There's just 4 days left for the "early bird special", here's the pitch, trying to get all the folks on the highly targeted prelaunch opt-in list (highly qualified trusting house list folks, not skeptics) ... to buy now..

=============
Hi Ken,

Have you ordered your Stock Trading Success
14 DVD System yet?

I'm sending this to you as a gentle reminder,
since the Early Bird special one-time-offer
discount expires this Saturday, October 21st.

==============================
JUST FOUR DAYS LEFT!
Here's The "Insider's Story":
==============================

We've had nearly 150 traders snap up their
systems already -- I know many of you are
still "thinking about it" ...

Well at just $797, for a full 14 DVDs of a
*LIVE* Realtime Trading Seminar with industry
pros Steve Nison and Ken Calhoun showing you
all the juicy details of HOW to trade the markets,
it's the "deal of the year"... and here's why:

You'll get:

+ Revolutionary new "Triple Cam" Reality Trading
footage: this entire trading event was
captured in crystal clear broadcast quality
video -- this means that you'll be able to see
all the trading charts from different angles, plus
get tons of bonus video footage and more..

+ Puts you "In The Middle of The Market Action",
so it's even Better than being at the seminar event
yourself (and for a fraction of the cost - you'll
learn the latest trading tactics in your 14 massive
trading seminar DVDs -- two action-packed, fast-paced
days... *without* the hassle of flying or hotel expenses!)

+ You'll see Realtime Entries and Exits, explained
carefully by Steve & Ken using the latest new intraday and
swing trading candle patterns, PLUS get all the bonus
"behind the scenes" reality trader cam footage that
can accelerate your learning faster than ever before!
And it's yours for less than HALF of what everyone else
is going to have to pay later. But only if you hurry.

=============================================
WHY IS THIS A "MUST-OWN" TRADING SYSTEM, NOW?
=============================================

Because Steve and I are launching this at the introductory
rate of $797, and that price will go away forever this
weekend. There won't be any future "holiday specials",
nor any other discounts to this price, ever again.

(Proof: if you've followed our "Traders Secrets" system
these past two years, which hundreds of traders have cheerfully
ordered at FULL Price, you'll know that we've *never once*
put this on discount, and we never will. Same story here).

Bottom line is, NOW is the best time to order your system.

So hurry on over to http://www.StockTradingSuccess.com and
see what other traders are saying about it, and watch all
the preview videos (heck watch them -twice- ... they're just
that good!).. and then add this stunning new realtime trading
system to your arsenal of trading tools today!

FACT: It took Steve and I over 6 months of painstaking
work to make sure all 3 professional cameras' video are
crystal-clear, easy to understand, and deliver the
absolutely most valuable, hands-on realtime trading
market examples available to today's active traders.

We wanted to "overdeliver" to the active stock trading
community, and we sure have. This one's a keeper.

The entire 14 DVD system is available for just $797,
which is an absolute steal. In fact, I had wanted to
launch it at $997, and it's a bargain at that.. but
Steve suggested we make it even easier on traders'
budgets by doing an initial marketing test-run.

An "Early Bird" launch, at a huge value markdown, to
get this important system into as many traders' hands
as possible, before we raise the price forever.

So now's your chance. It's a genuinely valuable,
hands-on realtime market training system that's
perfect for you if you're an active trader.

So take a look now, and place your order right now, at:

http://www.StockTradingSuccess.com

If you only get one trading system in the ENTIRE next
year, this should be it -- right here, right now, through
this LIMITED TIME special offer.

Yes, you will kick yourself if you don't order this system,
and you have my word that it'll never be available at this
exceptionally low price ever again, period.

But Ken, you've gotta hurry and place your order
by this coming MIDNIGHT, Saturday October 21st.

And you'll love the system, as so many others are finding
out. Get an edge, like they are - right now.



To your trading success,


Ken Calhoun, President
DaytradingUniversity.com

and

Steve Nison, CMT
President
CandleCharts.com


----------------------------------------
Copyright 2000-2006 Daytrading University.
All rights reserved. Disclaimer: All alerts are
for learning/educational purposes only and
are not to be construed as an offer to buy
nor sell equities. You are receiving this
email as part of our opt.in list. You hereby agree
to all terms in Disclaimer
by reading these materials. This is not to be
construed as investment advice; make no
trading decisions based on this data.
There is a very high degree of risk involved
in any type of trading. Mail address:
PO Box 63405 Colorado Springs, CO 80920
888-414-5055 Our privacy statement can
be found at New Page 1
Your email is kept 100% private.

Best wishes for successful trading!
-----------------------------------------

P.S. For those who've ordered, you should've just also
received a special email with your owner's area access
login/pass, for the pdfs and upcoming video clips and more
that'll be posted in the weeks ahead, as an exclusive new
bonus for Stock Trading Success System owners.

The email tells you about your "Owner's Club" access, all
included as an extra *unannounced* extra bonus for you.

You'll even be getting new audio trading webinars during
this entire next year as a Stock Trading Success System
owner, available in your Owner's Area of the site!

http://www.StockTradingSuccess.com
=============


What should I change/redo in similar follow up emails I'll send between now and Saturday? I'd appreciate any totally candid comments re if it's too hypey or whatever.. it's kind of a long copy email, usually I try and make them shorter, but at this point, I wanted to load it with compelling CTA/USP stuff for closing more sales fast...

Ideas on how to specifically create a stronger sense of urgency, other than the Saturday deadline, re "why this, why now?" ...

thanks a bajillion, fellow copywriters...


Ken


Bonus for reading this far: highly recommend you all buy the A&E 2-DVD "America's Castles" set from Amazon ($32), highly motivating to see footage of the Vanderbilt and other mansions; I've just bought all the DVDs in the series (about 20+ of them at $24.95 each), superb.

This is an "action item" implementation I created for myself, motivated from a Dan Kennedy concept from his highly-recommended "Wealth Attraction Seminar" DVDs, eg surround yourself with wealth triggers/environmental cues. Kind of like NLP/anchoring yourself in state for wealth.

Ken,

I did a quick rewrite of the email, pasted below. I think the bullet that begins, "Puts you in the middle of the market action," could be stronger -- talk more specifically about WHY the DVDs are better than actually being at the seminar (whether it's because of the superior video and multiple angles, and whatever else).

=============================

Ken,

Have you ordered your 14-DVD Stock Trading Success System yet?

Since there are just four days left, I'm sending this to you as a gentle reminder...

This one-time Early Bird special offer
expires this Saturday, October 21st.

We've had nearly 150 traders snap up their
systems already -- I know many of you are
still "thinking about it" ...

Well, at just $797 for 14 full DVDs featuring a
*LIVE* Realtime Trading Seminar with industry
pros Steve Nison and Ken Calhoun showing you
all the juicy details of HOW to trade the markets,
it's the "deal of the year"... and here's why:

+ You'll see Realtime Entries and Exits, explained
carefully by Steve and Ken using the latest new intraday and
swing trading candle patterns...

PLUS you'll get all the bonus
"behind the scenes" reality trader cam footage that
can accelerate your learning faster than ever before!
And it's yours for less than HALF of what everyone else
is going to have to pay (IF you act during the next four days).

+ The revolutionary new "Triple Cam" Reality Trading
footage: Steve and I took over 6 months of painstaking
work to make sure the professionally-shot video from all three cameras was crystal-clear, easy to understand, and delivers the
most valuable, hands-on realtime trading
market examples available to today's active traders.

+ Puts you "In The Middle of The Market Action",
so it's even Better than being at the seminar event
yourself (and for a fraction of the cost - you'll
learn the latest trading tactics in your 14 massive
trading seminar DVDs -- two action-packed, fast-paced
days... *without* the hassle of flying or hotel expenses!)


=============================================
WHY IS THIS A "MUST-OWN" TRADING SYSTEM, NOW?
=============================================

Because Steve and I are launching this at the introductory
rate of $797, and that price will go away forever this
weekend. There won't be any future "holiday specials",
nor any other discounts to this price, ever again.

(Proof: if you've followed our "Traders Secrets" system
these past two years, which hundreds of traders have cheerfully
ordered at FULL Price, you'll know that we've *never once*
put this on discount, and we never will. Same story here).

We worked hard to over-deliver to the active stock trading
community, and we belive we have. This one's a keeper. But don't take our word for it -- click on the link and see what other traders are saying about it:

==> Stock Trading Success System: (Give it 2 mins to load - lots of video!) The Ultimate Multimedia Stock Trading System

The entire 14 DVD system is available for just $797,
which is an absolute steal. In fact, I had wanted to
launch it at $997, and it's a bargain at that...but
Steve suggested we make it even easier on traders'
budgets by doing an initial marketing test-run to our best clients.

So now's your chance. It's a genuinely valuable,
hands-on realtime market training system that's
perfect for you if you're an active trader.

So take a look now, and place your order right now, at:

==> Stock Trading Success System: (Give it 2 mins to load - lots of video!) The Ultimate Multimedia Stock Trading System

If you only get one trading system in the ENTIRE next
year, this should be it -- right here, right now, through
this LIMITED TIME special offer.

Yes, you will kick yourself if you don't order this system,
and you have my word that it'll never be available at this
exceptionally low price ever again, period.

But Ken, you've gotta hurry and place your order
by this coming MIDNIGHT, Saturday October 21st.

And you'll love the system, as so many others are finding
out. Get an edge, like they are - right now.



To your trading success,


Ken Calhoun, President
DaytradingUniversity.com

and

Steve Nison, CMT
President
CandleCharts.com

==> Stock Trading Success System: (Give it 2 mins to load - lots of video!) The Ultimate Multimedia Stock Trading System

P.S. As soon as your order you'll receive an email with an exclusive, unnanounced extra bonus: your personal login information to the Owner's Area, where you'll have immediate access to articles, video clips, and a lot more exclusive information for Stock Trading Success System owners only.

You'll even be getting new audio trading webinars during
this entire next year as a Stock Trading Success System
owner, available in your Owner's Area of the site!

Stock Trading Success System: (Give it 2 mins to load - lots of video!) The Ultimate Multimedia Stock Trading System

=============

----------------------------------------
Copyright 2000-2006 Daytrading University.
All rights reserved. Disclaimer: All alerts are
for learning/educational purposes only and
are not to be construed as an offer to buy
nor sell equities. You are receiving this
email as part of our opt.in list. You hereby agree
to all terms in Disclaimer
by reading these materials. This is not to be
construed as investment advice; make no
trading decisions based on this data.
There is a very high degree of risk involved
in any type of trading. Mail address:
PO Box 63405 Colorado Springs, CO 80920
888-414-5055 Our privacy statement can
be found at New Page 1
Your email is kept 100% private.

Best wishes for successful trading!
-----------------------------------------

Hi ,
(congratulation for the last success)

so here is my modest vision , please believe in my respect and my sympthy:

the problem is angle in witch you are trying to induce urgency .

it sound like :
"Hey you have take this opportunity, take now, hurry up, because , you will never have a similar one, and never at this price".

and this is going perhaps (I have to be modest) to induce more rejection, because it sound like this :

"I don't care why you havn't take the offer, I don't care what you think about the price, I don't care about your situation about your appreciation about your doubth, about your feeling, TAKE IT OR I PROMISE THAT YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN".

some time people are sutborn, and they will just delete it or replay with:"I don't care, you arn't the only person to popose such offer, go a way, you arn't the Messiah".

(sorry, but it may be thier intime reaction).

Build the Urgency about , WHY they havn't still take the offer, show them that you are occupied by thier situation and why they havn't take this wonderfull offer, show them that you are ready to go in thier direction because you want to help more then to make profit.

2)the email is too long.

and I want with your permission to make some point about some paragraph of your email :

the redundant use of the concept "Triple cam" make me in trouble and there is also this :

how the triple cam help to see a CHART from different angles? this is an easy rapprochement an easy suggestion.

a chart is a plan viusual component (event 3D it is formulated in a 2D support) and the important isn't how many cam are on the CHART but how to interpret it, how to analyse it, and who analyse it.and what information to get from it.


2)you'll know mean in the future, that we have *never once* put this on discount (past), and we will never will (futur).Same story here.

it is a kind of poor that sound for me like this:

"if you let go this offer you will know that we havn't made a discount , and we will never do"

"we havn't done before and we will never do after" isn't a solid argument and can't stand as a proof.

people change from a day to night, this is life, where is the solid proof?

3)
this argument it took us 6 month to set up the "Triple cam" dosn't push me to buy you know why?
because I prefer to hear that you passe 6 month grabing real data analysing real case study, making useful information.

take it because we spend 6 month to establish the triple cam, may I think humm, they spend all this time on this so perhaps the concret content is useless.

4)4-1)$797 isn't cheap. and not a steel too
4-2)from $997 to $797 a reduction of 20%
4-3)it is not a bargain when the costumer isn't to discuss the price.

making it easier on trader's budget, so are you realy occupied by them if so, why arn't you giving an other reduction on this last chance call!!!

5)contradiction :
if you want to make to many as possible why then to rise the price?

(sorry but it sound like a Mom that tell to here son, eat this else I promise you will go to bed without lunch)

6)if realy they are to blame themselves I think that they sould make action before this email, else if they are convained that this offer don't fit thier want or need, believe me they will not kik themself they will go in thier rejection beeing in such embarassed situation were they are told what they have to do, what is benefic to them , what is realy good for thier buss in such tone they will be more sutborn and refuse to take the offer.

to resume because I often speak a lot :

1)please don't feel offond, I wanted just to give you my sincere reading, my sincere understanding and be transparent with you.
2)please believe in my respect and my sympathy, the whole replay is intended to help if it help (this again is my modest vision I don't claim it to be the truth or an established result, but a simple view).

hope that it help.

Thanks for the constructive comments Ken + rewrite... great points... will do, plus more comments later.. and thx Abdellah for your feedback as well, I always appreciate hearing your thoughts on how things are perceived.

As always, appreciate any comments from others as well.. thx much.

-ken

Hey Ken,
Absolutely loved the email, but wouldn't it make more sense to let the actual "sales page" do all the selling?

Seems like with all the wordage, you're bound to lose some of your prospects through email filters.

I could be wrong on this, but it seems you should just send them to the salespage with a simple, one paragragh email explaining your "special offer" and that's it.

Like I said I love the email message, but concerned about spam filters , not to mention trying to sell the product twice.

I agree with Stephen. You've created a full sales letter here, and to be honest, most people don't like to read LONG emails. I would edit this down to just a few paragraphs, with a strong highlight of the main benefit, then make the link to a landing page that goes into more detail.

Short is better, by email, in general, unless there's a reason to not have them click to an online page that can be more attractively formatted.

Why not split test the "salesletter in email" as you have it versus a compelling curiosity/teaser email to get them to go to the web salesletter and see which one outpulls?

John

Hi - hey I like that idea re split testing the final pitch letter, will do.. thanks!

and right re length of the letter; I tend to alternate them, change it up, so they usually get short ones.. in this one I went long since it's a last-chance type of letter..

ken