Hello all,

I just got introduced to this forum yesterday and found two things. First - This forum is like finding treasure for anyone trying to write copy in one form or another. Second - but sadly it looks like I found it too late as it's closing this week.

Anyway, if it's not too much trouble I'd be extremely grateful for your critiques on how to increase my conversions for this niche site. You can see the two versions I'm split testing (the headlines only).

http://www.boston-terrier-secrets.com/bostonterrier.htm - version 1

http://www.boston-terrier-secrets.co...onterriers.htm - version 2.

At present version 2 to my surprise is pulling better at 1% and version 1 is at 0.5%

I'm not happy with either really. I would love suggestions on how I can improve both the headline aswell as how my body copy is written.

Any and ALL comments are very welcome. Thank you to those that take the time to respond.

Cheers,

Abhik

Abhik,

In my opinion, your letter starts off too early as an obvious sales pitch (in both cases), the second is pulling better, because it is a better "sales pitch" giving some proof that they have nothing to lose... but...

I would start differently, with a headline more along the lines of...

Discover How To Have The Happiest, Healthiest, Loyal, Loving-Best-Friend... Most Well Behaved Boston Terrier... And Not A Nightmare... Boston Terror

Then in your intro, drop the "this is the most important letter" bit, maybe start with a funny story of what an untrained Boston Terrier has done to you, I'm no expert, but maybe they love destroying flower beds, or furniture, or attacking guests like mini pit bulls... whatever...

Then gradually lead them into your solution, and how it is the definitive source of solid info to help transform a "terror" into the loving, well-behaved "terrier" pet friend that everyone hopes to have...

Catch my drift?