Hello everyone,

Please can you tell me what you think of this letter. I have shown it to a few people and they like it, but they are no experts.

I wouldn't profess to be a copywriter but I have been quietly lurking on this board for a good seven months and learning a lot from everyone out there.

Now it's time to see if I have learnt is anything at all...

I have poured my heart and soul into this one and am very NERVOUS asking for a critique, but here goes...

The RSS Advantage Newsticker

Warmest regards,
Chris Demetrios

Hi JP,

and thanks for the feedback.

Wow, that's a killer headline - so much so that I am "scared" to use it - but I will.

Do you think I should lose the preamble before the part where you inserted the headline? i.e. Warning logo and pain points or just find a new place to put them in.

Regards,
Chris

full disclosure Chris...

I'm not a copywriter for hire -- I'm a business growth strategist and write copy as part of the stuff I do for my own companies and my clients'.

Having said that, there are guys on this board who may be able to give you more direction on this.

OK... now:

What I gave you was "My first blush" on this...

I felt you totally missed the "essence" of your product / the need in the early part of your ad and headline.

I've heard Michel and a few others say... something you can just "cut" the first X words of most 1st drafts and get what you really need to say.

Maybe that's true here...

I'm guessing some of the stuff you said can be re-mixed into the copy.

But yes... I would start the page where I wrote your headline.

That's my opinion -- OK?

Love to hear some other copy mavens comment here....