Oops, sorry.

This is a little difficult, due to the subject, but I don't get that there's that much to braiding and weaving hair. In other words, the reader may not feel they know every last little thing about the process -- but what they don't know isn't all that important. Most people think they do their job pretty well, whether they do or not. Therefore the burden falls on you to find a workable way to suggest otherwise, without alienating the readership.

And, to me, the "special sauce" just didn't come up to the level of value needed to justify the price. The weaving and braiding stuff seemed basic. And the business secrets stuff wasn't convincing.

I don't know this niche. I do know a little about what hair stylists worry about. And that is training their own competitors, who then take a bunch of customers with them when they start their own business. And I didn't quite see where this problem was mentioned -- and I think it is a serious problem causing substantial pain.

Not to mention no testimonials.

The sales letter is good. It hits the right points and pacing, layout, and even the headline is pretty good. Which leads me to believe there are deficiencies in product focus and substance. Hard to tell from the outside, but I suspect the copy is doing almost all it can.

I must say, as a first effort it is simply outstanding. Very good.

Hi my friend .

so here is my modeste vision please believe in my respect and my sympathy.

first of all :

1) Google adsense: in the left top give it a picture of a site trying to make money from adsense or this is not the whole object of the site, you have so many product to sell, and so many ways to make the money, in my humble vision take this off.

2) Design: your design is realy interesting, but when you made the long copy inside the right side it make the page scroll and it change the whole appearance of your site; try this :

2-1) use a DIV in the right side call it #salesletter, and format well your sqales letter using a valid XHTML, this will be translated in a set of
<p>,<h1>,<h2>...

now going deeper in your site I found that you also sell website template,
and I saw a template that for my self will realy fit; here is the url :

hair_salon_03

I love it design, however the menu may be changed a littile ( make it simple, don't try to get an appart form, a simple list no more)

3)The content : the first page of your website are juste salesletters, a common visitor will say to himself, "hum he is just selling me .."
give them some information I said to my self, and then I found ARTICLE , people will not go directely into article and if they do they will just grab free information and go a way.

so what is the solution I asked my self?

combine free with the sales, I mean give free content and at the same time sell your product.

and then I remembred something a tech I saw in one site and here is the resume :

1) they were proposing a challange, it mean a list of question, a questionnaire.
2)one you answer then ask for your EMAIl (opt-in) to send you a link to see your result.
3)in the result page : you have a detailed result whith what was good, and bad and at the same time at the bottom of the result a dedicated salesletter a such kind of (read more information) but they were not information is was an INVITATION to BUY .

such way of doing may be used in your site, to combine useful free content and sales speech.

4)the subscription form in the header, no one will subscribe without having something and the position have to be changed let say let or botoom or right but not in the top.

4)The Copy: now regarding the copy here is my modeste vision :

4-1)the Headline:
you position the author in the EXPERT position and then you have to prove it some where.

the red bold underlined is (in humble vision) an exageration and make the whole offer in a contadiction.
in the try to make it EASY, you will undervalue your offer and discridit your Expertise and Expert.

proof it.

(I will try to give you more note on this my friend)hope just that they will help.

5)The strategy :

sell one thing at one time.
you have many thing to sell and you do that in one site, try to seperate your offerts and make them in different web site may be linked each to others.
but sell one thing at one time.

and when it is about a package, sell the package and don't sell it element at the same place.

my friend this was my vision hope that help, please believe in my respect and my sympathy.

Thanks guys, it gave me a lot to think about.

This ad promises so many different things, that by the end of it I was totally confused about what exactly is being sold. Hair is a very personal matter to most women, so I can understand someone paying to learn "special" braiding and weaving techniques, but I was lost when the ad began offering a plethora of websites to choose from. Finding a hairstylist is a very localized undertaking for all the women I know. Does anyone go online to find a hairstylist? Where do the websites come in? Women usually recommend hairstylists, this crosses all racial boundaries. If there is a great weaver or braider around, I would bet my last dollar that 99% of her business comes from word of mouth recommendations. Your copy reads easily and it has a professional look, but I felt bombarded instead of informed about the product(s) being sold.

Hi Ricky,
You've got a great product, but I think for it to sell really well it needs to be presented as a 'Business System' rather than a 'Braiding System'.

Why not include as part of the course (not a bonus) a manual on marketing for braiders? Something on how to get first clients (top-dollar clients). Tell how your buyer will be able to make a living having the time of their life braiding their little hearts out!

I think you've "sort of" done this in your copy... but not strongly enough. I would take Bonus #1 and Bonus #2 and make them part of your product. Then take the email-access/consultation and make that a Bonus.
You've got great tick-bullets on braids... do the same for the business side of things.

Work these hot-buttons:
- making a living (from home)
- be your own boss
- doing something you love
- even if you're a beginner

Of course, keep all your copy on expert tuition... but write from the angle that these pro-techniques will
- attract higher-paying clients
- give 100% confidence to start a business

Oh... and none of your Subheadings says anything about money! What about "You Can Start Charging $100 an Hour... as Early as Next Week" (or something like that).

Kudos to you for getting your own products together! I wish you all the best.

Thanks everybody.