I launched this website two months
ago. The initial test resulted in a 28%
response rate.

Which means, 28% of the people who
read this site, on the first test, bought.

Here's the deal...

If you can give me an idea that jacks
up the response rate even further I'll
give you a copy of the course.

By the way, the ad copy is solid.

I'm really looking for profit maximizing
ideas. Check it out and tell me what
you think...

Copywriter Profits Main

Thanks...

Two things, maybe.

(And by the way, the copy isn't "solid," it's phenomenal)

1.) I love your guarantee. Perhaps put it up near your headline, right after:

Stop everything right now and read this website to discover how to get your hands on...

2.) Can you work up your order form with some additional copy to re-affirm the buying decision? Also wondering if the copybumatyahoo.com on the order page may be creating some dissonance. Why not have the johnatcopywriterprofits.com instead.

Looking forward to see what the talent comes up with.

A.

28% is going to be a tough nut to crack. Tough. Really tough.

Glad to see you didn't go Carlton YELLOW highlightis. Maybe some in here will "get it" based on your results.

I'll list a few things briefly here, but I'll follow up in DETAIL via an e-mail because I want to show you what I'm talking about via screen dumps so there is NO misunderstanding.

1. Change prehead font from sans serif to serif
2. Change headline font
3. Drop the drop cap.
4. Change the body font and/or increase its size
5. 2 column layout. Letter on the left and all the other stuff you have in boxes on the right.
6. Change the background color of the boxes.
7. Have a classy cover made for your book. Put it on the right side inbetween each box.
8. Insert a "real" signature at the bottom of your letter.
9. Take real credit cards in addition to paypal.

As I said, I'll follow up sometime tomorrow with detailed screendumps.

Overall your site looks great. If you didn't tell me you put it together, I would have guessed it was done by those at Agora. A nice looking and well written page.

Yep, this is going to be a tough one. Look for an e-mail with attachments tomorrow.

hi;
first of all I love it, I may be crazy to make my modest vision here but, please believ in my respect and my sympathy:

1)I agree with MrSubtile about the design, and I want to add this:

1-1)delimit the copy from the whole page.
1-2)the laternance between bolden and normaln weight in the bullet make it hard to read.

Now the copy (my humble vision).

I try to see the spriti of the copy and I Saw a contrast between the top and the rest of the copy.

between this :

and the rest of the copy.

the top part is inspring some one proud of what he done, and it is a hard pushing in the copy, it sound like :"hey look to me, I done this, I done this etc.."

it is in contrast with all the : HUMILITY, Simplicity, and Modesty of the rest of the copy.

the rest of the copy sound, intimacy, honnesty, and a bit personnal, and transparent.

Wise people speak less.

the headline and the subheadline that fellow may be a littile short, but a kind of a concentrate of genius in a short headline.

the headline have to show all the genius part of the copywriters.

this is my modest vision hope that it help.

John,

I've printed out your copy and made a few notes. I'll put some suggestions together tomorrow for you that you may want to try testing.

But you know the biggest thing that stood out for me that's probably more likely to boost response than just about anything else?

Testimonials. Case studies.

I mean a lack of them from people who have bought your course and have put it into action. Real world results from them. Case studies, possibly with photos, audio, maybe video, showing what they did with your course (naturally without revealing specifics).

Your proof is through the roof on your qualifications and testimonials about you as a copywriter. What you may need is proof that your course delivers the goods.

Another thing off the top of my head that may improve response: give 'em useful but incomplete information. Either right in the sales letter (a la John Carlton's "How To Create A Damn Good Ad in Just 9 Minutes." -- MarketingRebel.com - effective copywriting for ads that sell, from John Carlton ) or via an autoresponder (although I'm assuming you have a reason for not capturing names and email addresses).

In any case, those couple things come to mind right now. I'll post some more tomorrow, but your sales letter is so good, I doubt anything else I can come up with will boost response as much as the ones I mentioned here.

By the way, it was good talking with you today. You gave me a lot of great ideas. Thanks again!

John

P.S. I just noticed something else. It's small, but it may be worth clarifying in your copy. In guarantee #1, you specify they get a full 100% money back guarantee (less the shipping and handling). Yet just before the first Paypal button where you state "It's easy to order..." you specify that the reader will be sent to a download page. So you may want to clarify whether it is a physical product or not, because S&H generally won't apply to a digital product.

Well, you won't like my critique!

I found this quite hard to read as there were so many typos and so much awkward english.

E.g.:

What's non existent? My copywriting education?

The column on the right hand side didn't work for me - I don't think I read any of it. How is my eye supposed to read the meat and potatoes of what you're trying to communicate AND read another column at the same time - NUTS!! Why would you do that? Why would you do that when every other successful copywriter puts all of their information in one column (formatted with Johnson boxes - a convenient marker for those of us who want to scroll past endless testimonials left by friends and cronies).

And then there are the never-ending cliches and endless sentences that I've heard/read 2 million times before!

BORING BORING BORING!

Look, I don't know you. I have no idea whether you write for Agora, Michel or Pussy the Cat. Really, I don't. I also have no idea whether you've ever made any money copywriting. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't.

But as a sort of sometimes, when I have to, copywriter, who does write copy for clients occasionally, I was in no way inspired by this.

And even worse than that - as far as I'm concerned, this copy calls your copywriting credentials into question.

Well done if it's selling well. What strikes me is that it's probably the same old circular marketing wheel. E.g. "I'm an internet marketer selling information to other wannabe internet marketers". Will anyone in this chain ever sell a real product? Like tractors, or plastic bags, or environmental consulting, or secretarial services or sandwiches or yoga classes or holidays in Scotland or computers or paper or sugar or pensions or health insurance or premium beer or real estate or post-it notes or drugs or natural cures or anything actually worth f'ing buying!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

This is what's going through my mind:

- who actually buys this?
- do you really have a track record of getting high paying copywriting clients?
- do you really have a track record of selling your clients' services and products?
- did any one of them ever actually sell a "real" product?

As I said, I don't know you and you could be the best, most ethical copywriter ever for all I know. But I was left with those questions and a not very nice feeling reading your copy.

I'm just getting sick of "it". I can't even put into words what "it" is. But it's something along the lines of false hope, exploitation of the ignorant, selling hot air and so on.

How do we even separate the wheat from the chaff anymore?

Sorry for the scathing review, but, well, there it is.

Jane

Hi John,

I've spent quite a bit of time reviewing your letter. On the whole, it is very good.

After reading your letter, I would be motivated to review your program. I like the multiple references to big named clients.

However, the missing piece for me is the lack of references from regular customers of your program.

How about multiple testimonials, audios, video's, etc.?

I'm sure that would boost your conversion rate.

If you send a copy to me, I would be glad to review it for you in detail and provide loads of feedback.

Steve Peterson
mrsrp2005@gmail.com

P.S. You've got a typo: "Most recently, John helped to increase the gross sales of one CILENT by $13,424,929.00"

Jane,

I get some of what you're saying, especially your questions:

The letter could definitely use some testimonials from former "struggling", now thriving customers. John R. made this point, too.

The testimonials from Joe Vitale, Michel, and Yanik Silver speak directly to your second question. They say they've hired him. Perhaps it's cronyism and nothing more, but I don't think so.

The last two questions don't really enter into this piece. If you're a struggling copywriter, the (admittedly to be proven) fact that the product will help you make money is enough.

This statement is flat wrong:

Johnson boxes were first employed to stop people from scrolling past the testimonials, or whatever information they contain. The fact that you (and many others, myself included) use them as markers to call out something to be ignored militates toward the action of reformatting.

I've got Clayton Makepeace swipes that have the text in the left column, and testimonials nearly running the length of the letter in right-justified text boxes. He's not the only one to use this format.

I recently sat through a webinar with Marketing Experiment's Flint McGloughlin and Nick Usborne that used this same format, with hard data to prove its effectiveness. (And not for an IM "selling the dream" product)

I just wonder if perhaps your extreme prejudice against all things IM doesn't sometimes cloud your critical faculties.

You tip your hand here:

Really a worthwhile topic, but not much in your critique helps to advance the point up for discussion which was, "How can I improve my 28% response?"

At least I don't think so. John may find value in what you say. Your suggestions may help bump his response; I'd be surprised, though. But hey, maybe you'll find yourself owning a free copy of Copywriter Profits(TM).

A.

There's loads of typos. To me, that is the sign of someone who's not really bothered about what they release into the wild. And when you're marketing to so-called "writers" - wouldn't it be wise to make sure there's no typos?

Unless, of course, the buyers are not really writers or copywriters but wannabes, who wouldn't notice things like that ......

Hey - I'm not saying I'm perfect at writing, spelling, typos. But I'm not marketing to writers - dig?

Jane

Well, Andy, I NEVER argue with results.

And if it's proven that junk down the right hand side is better than junk in the middle, then I take your word for it. For my own experience - I didn't register any of it. Maybe how my eye scans the page is unusual.

Perhaps the bigger point here, for me at least, is the yucky feeling I have after reading copy like this. I didn't find it inspiring, or authentic or interesting. It didn't move me in any way.

And I never thought for one moment that I would have any inspiration that could better a 28% response rate. The question is though - WHO is responding at 28%? If it's a houselist, then obviously you won't expect those results from strangers coming via PPC and SEO. Or that this response rate can be sustained.

If it's 28% coming from people finding your site, then my advice is this:
- go home
- put your meditation tapes on, take the dog for a walk, make love to your spouse/partner, have fun with your kids, go shopping, play sport, count your money, make some good investments, go see your friends, do extreme sports, put some very loud rap/garage/house/techno/electronica/rock/some other **** music on and dance naked round the living room

In short - stop being a twat and enjoy what you've achieved! Move onto the next project instead of trying to squeeze the last drops of juice out of this particular orange!

Jane