Hello All

I would appreciate some feedback on copy I did for a website. Previously I received a "professional opinion" and it was devastating. I really thought it wasn't half bad.

I did the copy for the majority of the front page (not the buying on the net segment) and the "about us" for www.catsmeowclassics.com

Thanks
Jane

Jane,
What specifically did the client chastise you for?

Let me ask this... Before writing in Karen's voice did you do get her "story" and do any research about her or did you write this off the cuff?

I'm just wondering if perhaps she felt this wasn't coming from her perspective or maybe she was upset because it didn't do well in conversions.

I might be assuming too much here. Did the owner of this website give you the "professional opinion" or was it from a third party?

Hi Stephen

I guess I wasn't being specific. The client was pleased ... but then she's my sister. I used this as an example of my writing and showed it to a writing coach who specialises in web copy.

I was told three things:

both pages were too long and need to be condensed

the newsletter sign up needs to be more prominent

the copy content was okay ... which I took to mean mediocre

The whole critique thing only resulted in confusion. So I decided I need more opinions on this.

Thanks
Jane

PS Oh my there was a terrible mistake in my subject line! I will put in down to being a bit nervous about posting.

I'm not thrilled with the left/right/left/right flow of the text. Try to improve visual flow.

Subheads and headline. J Peterman uses them, you can too.

I would use front pages to display specific items for sale, not just general categories.

And the newsletter pitch and position could be improved.

Especially when you're starting out, it's about learning from your tests, not hitting it out of the park your first time. You'll learn a lot by seeing response pick up from tinkering from this and that.

You really shouldn't be switching from SANS SERIF to SERIF every other line. And of course you shouldn't be switching font colors every other line too. It just makes things difficult, if not impossible, for the potential customer to read.

My 2 cents worth - The copy, per se, is not bad but it's using up valuable "selling space" on a retail site.

On the Home page - in addition to the other comments already made, I found the two separate navigation bars to be very distracting. I had to hunt for the "Products" link, and that is not good. After all, you have to assume that's why your visitors are on the page in the first place. So make it easy for them to spend their money with you.

For retail sites, the first and greatest objective is to get the visitor shopping. Every second that elapses before they click on a product link is a second in which they could click away from your site. Remember, this is a retail site, not a library. Keep your prospects desires in mind as you "design" your copy.

Also, I suspect that the copy on this page is written for search engines, not visitors. To me, it looks as though you've tried to cram in every keyword you can. It really doesn't make for sizzling "I gotta buy something here now" reading...

Suggestions: I don't know how much input you have on layout, but I would strongly suggest redesigning the page to feature the latest and greatest products, or at least using the visuals as links to your best-seller categories - 50's skirts; 40's dresses, or whatever.

The drop-down menu for your Products pages is again making your visitor work much too hard. I suggest text links from a main Products page to each item category.

Overall copy suggestion - Try to get your USP in the first paragraph. What makes your sister's clothing offerings different and better than anyone elses'? And don't tell me "Quality" - show me exactly what you mean by that. Hint: some of that info is buried on your About Us page.


About Us Page - Every page on your site should reinforce your "brand message" or the "reason why" someone should buy from you. The About Us page is no exception. You have a golden chance here to create the impression that Karen is all about HELPING other people indulge and share THEIR passion (which she happens to share).

You're not the only one to make this mistake - many, many companies think the About Us page is to talk about them, and they're wrong. Your prospect doesn't really care who you are, and is interested more in what you can do for them. This holds true for every single page on your site.

Exception: Your testimonials page is all about you, you, you. "I'm so wonderful" is ALWAYS more powerful when someone else says it...

Wait a minute... Am I the only one who sees what this is? (Or at least appears to be?)

Janebid... Janebird?

Dale King... Kale Ding?

If I'm wrong, I'm sorry but come on...

Vin, Janebid is a different person. She's from Australia. Jane Hendry (Janebert, Janeology, etc) is from the UK.

Don't feel bad about being devasted. There is a huge divide between what gets customers to buy, and what looks good. Your website looks good and is the perfect (sorry) place for cat-poetry.

A (good) critic will tell you what will get people to purchase stuff.

Usually that means thowing out 98% of what looks good. You don't really want your website to look like Wal-Mart....but do they get the sale?

Check out WeddingFavors.com
I hate the look, but the 7 mil a year would pay my car loan off.
And check out my Library.

Thanks Michel. I didn't know that. But it did look like the masked nicknamer had returned.

Sorry Janebid for not knowing you!