Hello

I am requesting that you kind folks please critique my sales letter. I am about to launch my site and want to make sure that the copy is on track and ready.

Thanks

Richard

The site is at:
(index)

Honestly? I only got as far as the headline and lead, but I think it's the same as I see everywhere else. I'd recommend a new strategy: separate yourself from the pack. Look at what everyone else is doing in your niche and do the opposite. That niche is so ultra-competitive already. Not many people are going to read much more than I did (if that), never mind take action.

Look at some of the best sales letters [i]offline[i] and see what you can adapt here.

Ok, I just skimmed down about halfway, and I have another suggestion: your letter is lacking proof. Especially when you have a "me too" sales letter, you need an avalanche of proof.

Start with a compelling USP (unique selling proposition--i.e. what separates you from your competitors) and go from there.

Sorry to be blunt, but that's what I see here.

I hope that helps. Good luck with it!

John

Have to agree. This monkey see - monkey do stuff has got to go. Where it isn't a copy, it's off -- "blistering"??? Something seems to be wrong on some of the bullet point markup. Sometimes they show, sometimes not, in FireFox.

Somebody is going to come up with an original idea and mop the floor with these things.

Hi,

I want just to make a comment on the header.

all the same.

the same money (golden peace of money), the car, the house and the Lady.

all the same.

CLICHE, always the etrnel Cliché and human fotasm.

it is a try to make a suggetion IMAGE of :

1)fortune.
2)luxe.
3)success in dating.

in a 2 words: SEX and MONEY.

there is just an element that lake and it is POWER.

perhaps we will see some day the same header with :

a BAND of Bad boy (like in RAP) or a gungs.

the Header talk before the Headline.