I am a mortgage broker and the last roughly
18 of 20 credit report that I build the buyers
all had horrible credit and could not get
financing for a home.

So being that there responding to my marketing
and advertisement all ready regarding the homes
I have for sale.

I decide to help a few buyers out by offering
to clean there credit - now I no this industry is
flooded with competition - But -

I'm all ways build my list of buyers, so I clean their
credit them provide them with a mortgage.

This will go out to my list of 600 plus buyers looking
for homes on Tuesday

Here's the masterpiece let me know what you
think. Hold no punches! -

Improve Your Credit By 100 Points In 45 Days or Else I'll Pay You 100 Dollars For Your Trouble


Thanks a million,




Rob Sanders

Hmmm...

I see names, account numbers, addresses... Are you supposed to be disclosing this information?

Your page is too narrow...I couldn't read it... Made me squint!

Increase those px a bit and I'll give it another go.

Yes I can disclose any information my clients
gives me permission to use.

And for the addresses you see they are all the
addresses of the credit bureaus.

I just did not want to put up reports like others
I wanted try to give and show more proof!


Thank you,




Rob Sanders

Identity Theft.

I would SERIOUSLY consider removing identifying information.

The question is:

However you can, Have you to use it?

Now please believe in my respect and my sympathy, I want to give you my vision about the whole concept before the copy;

How would you act?
have you to have access to the client account?
what garanty are you offering about privacy when you are making a disclose of this privacy?

the all concept is based on TRUST, and CONFIDENTIALITY. not about gift (a dolar per point), or something else.

or perhaps am I just wrong, please let me know more about the process.

Abdellah,

Any individual can do this process without paying someone to do it. I've done it when I've seen mistakes on my credit report.

Rob...delete the identifying information...even though they gave you permission, at least black it out with a marker...if you don't, I think it makes you look less credible.

Even though you're backing it up with proof, and you have tons of it, I would have a hard time trusting someone with handling my account when they go plastering peoples stuff on the web.

Blacken it out with a marker, it won't hurt.

Other than that, I think you did a great job.

I have deleted the names and report numbers
from the credit reports.

Thanks for everyone’s response so far about
deleting the names.

Now if I can only get some feed back regarding
the sales letter.


Thanks,




Rob Sanders

Here's a snippet that is about a quarter of the way down your page...finally...I get to the letter...Who is they?

I mentioned before that the layout needed to be wider. You're cramming that headline to the right.

It's a HEADLINE not a SIDELINE.

Cy Price,

Here's the revised wider version -

Improve Your Credit By 100 Points In 45 Days or Else I'll Pay You 100 Dollars For Your Trouble

Let me know what you think... And thanks!




Rob Sanders