I need your feedback...

I want to add a new service of creating marketing action plans tied to copywriting and drect response marketing recommendations.

My problem is I'm too close to my own copy to see clearly. Plus there are a few 'problem areas' that are bugging me (like my headline and subheads for starters). I'll fix them after I get some sleep.

Anyhow I uploaded the content here:

Copywriting Freelance Professional

Please give me some feedback and recommendations on what to change to make this a hit. Then maybe I can pay my mortgage this month

Thanks.

Andre

Hi,

so here is my modest vision, please believe in my respect and my sympath.

1) first of all the design.

testimonial make scroll left, and make hard to read the text.

2)copy.

2-1)headline
my english isn't fluent but there is some disconnection between, who else and your.

why to say "Your Business Or Website" resume it in one word, Business or money or else...

"without lifting a finge", my friend they have to type some text (on keyboard), too big as a promise.

you are giving information that are to keep for your self, sorry but all the copy sound as it is an Exposé (in french) a Resume to presente to a director or a dirigent of a compagny.

personnaly I belivein specialisation.

Don't! here you are also discrediting yourself as a copywriter.



my alert ring at the end:"during this test compagn".

now the strategy:

1)an first page as introduction.
2)asecond long salesletters

all this in order to get email? and company information?
hope that help.

Thanks for that input. I forget not everyone surfs at 1024x768 or larger, as I do. Once I change the template to look more like a sales letter than a portal web page I'll make this fit for 800x600 screens, the default size most people surf at.

I "stole" this 'will you do me a favor' approach from Robert Collier.

I've yet to swipe any of his ideas and figured since the Robert Collier Letter Book has been in my personal library the better part of a year, it's time to finish reading it and test a few of his ideas to see if they work as well today as back then.

I think you're right, the wording of 'test campaign' might raise some flags. I think making the wording consistent with the 'test the demand' approach could be more effective.

Originally I used only the word 'business'. But then decided to do a test using 'or website' because a million dollar copywriter I admire uses those two words in that same way on one of his sales letters. I'm just testing if those two words will make a difference or not in response.

I don't understand what you mean by keep for myself. Can you clarify? Thanks.

I think you may be correct.

But that approach I also stole from Robert Collier. I'll leave it for now to see if it works or not, since he uses comparisons and the word "don't" in this same way so often in copy he claims was successful.

I'll know for sure if it's a good idea or not after testing that.

Yeah, overkill.

The first page is simply to appease google and dmoz. No other purpose.

Originally the text was one long sales letter but I broke it up to avoid exceeding the length of copy I see in dmoz for the category I'm shooting for this particular domain.

The broken up copy is simply a seo test (hope it was ok to say that publicly).

Anyhow, the will be split tested with an order button instead of a survey to see which gets more action. I originally wanted to go with a direct order button on the second page instead of a survey.

The problem is, I started getting junk inquiries on a different test so I decided I want to look at each project before taking people's money. (Bad idea?)

Yep, it certainly does.

Thanks.

Andre

Hi,

I love Robert Collier too, the dollar letter is a manifestation of genius.

The important isn't the Thechnique you use, but HOW you use it.


The whole sales letters sound like this (please believe in my respect):

"I will do this, because I thinked that when I will do then this will , and then doing A , I will do B, and then you know ..."

in a try to get a costumer in intimacy, and to be neer him.

your copy in my (humble and modest) vision need More enrergy, let it sound like that:

"You, come on here, yes you , I mean you come on, you need this, you are in the search of this, it is vital for you, it is vital for your family, and you will starving food, if you don't hear me at once, don't think, don't wait, take now, don't discuss my price are fixe Take it now, this is your last chance to be a winner..."

something that make them says something, something that make them React.

last thing, if it is Mine , I will try to give it a CENIC Reading, I will try to print it, to make it on the desk and then to try to be the worst client that I can have and then underline some words, some sentences, smile, take an other coffé, be furious scartch it and then take it again from the trash to read it again, Give it a spirit.

again please believe in my respect and my sympathy, and hope that others will give you thiers point of view.

Hope that help.

Good luck and hope that it will be a success.

I'm a big believer in following formulas that have worked successfully for others (i.e. I'm lazy).

In Collier's 'will you do me a favor' format he takes the low-key approach of, "I'm not trying to sell you anything... I just need a favor...".

[ of course we know he was fibbing ]

Anyhow, next he discusses his dilemma and how the reader can help.

If I picked apart his copy correctly this is the structure he uses:

- Salutation
- Claim that the letter is personal and does not seek new business
- asks for common, considerate courtesy for a bit of help
- explains his current dilemma and what he has in mind for solving it, all the while plugging his USP
- gives a value proposition i.e. how much something comparable should cost
- then segues back to the purpose of the communication i.e. a favor
- claims wants to test demand
- ask for participation in the test
- offers a call to action
- then makes a seeming too-good-to-be-true offer
- offers risk removal
- builds urgency
- asks another call to action
- thanks reader for their courtesy
- ends with a signature but no PS

I veered away from this format a little when incorporating elements from Harlan Kilstein, Michel, John, and others.

Another area I'm not following is I think Collier sent his letter to his existing customers. My web copy is open to anyone with a browser and internet connection.

So, I'm thinking of maybe modifying this offer a bit and then sending an email to my small list to see if that produces any results. That way my approach is more consistent with the way Collier used his letter.

Other than those two differences I think I copied his low-key approach fairly accurately. Or not.

Unfortunately a low-key approach does leave the copy a little flat and unexciting, as you put it.

In time I'll split test each approach, low-key vs. in-your-face-exciting-copy, to see which works best when emulating Collier. Hopefully both don't fall flat

I guess I will know once I start promoting the offer and testing response.

Thanks again for your feedback. You had several very good ideas that I've used.

Andre