Hello Again,

I am having a terrible time trying to get my site looking, and sounding professional. I need major critiquing please. I rewrote, and changed the page completly. I know a guy who is going to help me with the page layout in a couple of months. Until then I really need to tweak my sales page.

I am trying to sale my general service of what I can do for any company. So I think this may be my problem, I havn't picked a specific niche. Which I am having a time doing.

So I will see what some of you have to say about my approach to this.

Thanks so much for your time, and help.

April
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April,

On a positive note, you talk a little more about your services than you did in the first letter we read. I think you're moving in the right direction.

But in all honesty, this letter still has a loooong way to go. Personally, I wouldn't even think about design issues yet. Having said that, here's a quick tip...lose the purple background. It's painful.

Are you primarily offering copywriting services to clients? I'm unclear on this.

Regardless, you need to structure your letter more clearly (i.e., define your market's problem, show them what's possible, offer your solution, and close the deal).

Ok April, I'm going to ask you question. What courses or books are you going through right now (or have gone through) to learn to write copy?

You're obviously serious about going freelance since you've set up your LLC. Kudos for that, by the way.

But I'll be straight with you. If you really want to make this work, you need to hone your skills some more. Don't let that discourage you. You can learn very quickly. Start by hand-copying some successful letters and digging throughout this board.

Do that and you're skills will skyrocket.

Perhaps you need to see examples of other copywriter websites to give you an idea of how you should present yourself to potential clients.

It's just a suggestion, but here's what I would do if I were you...

I would go and get a free blog from Blogger: Create your Blog Now -- FREE. Choose a template - they all look professional and will be much better than what you have right now.

Then, every day, write down one of your promotional ideas... something that you could do for a business. If you've already got experience, include stories of your results. Try to keep your posts short and to one page (which can be hard to do). With every post, spend time writing a great headline, bullet points and include a call to action.

You'll find as you write each day, you'll get 'meat' for your sales letter... and at the end of a month or so, you can pull some great content from your posts and craft it into a powerful one page sales letter.

By doing this you avoid your design problems (no waiting), you get your business started NOW and you get to hone your writing skills.

(Blogger lets you redirect your blog to your exising URL, or you can just send your potential clients to your blog. I'm not familiar with other blogging software.)

See the sales letters and headlines in my Library.

Modify each of the sales letters and headlines (in your own handwriting) into a letter that will work for your topic. After 5 letters you will have a better handle on things.

Hi April,

First off, you need a stronger headline. Tune in to what's in it for your customers.

Next, lose the questions in your copy. They are speedbumps.

Look at how many times you use the word 'you." Does the count seem low? It does to me. You need to tell me what's in it for me.

What's your hook? I don't see anything unique. Why the heck should I hire you?? I have no clue... and because you need the money (true or not) is not a good enough "reason why."

Don't ask how you can help... TELL ME!!!!

You have a way to go on this. Take a look at a few copywriters self promo letters. Notice how good ones and up an comers use long copy. You don't have enough of a story, a unique selling position or proof you can do the job.

If you are selling yourself as a copywriter, you gotta sell. This letter bores the heck out of me, and you have to hold my attention.

Keep at it, read lot of good long copy every day.

Cheers,

Mike

Thanks everyone for the encouragement on this site. It has been a very long, and bumpy road. So it's nice to hear that I am improving on my writing. I will definitly take into consideration everything you all said, and put it to work.

Again thank you so much.

April