Hello,

Firstly ive only just found this forum and it looks great,looking forward to revisiting on a more regualar basis.

Im releasing an internet marketing website in one week,its basically a free membership sales page and then when the person signs up it redirects to a one time offer page.

This is the first copy that i have ever written,would love if you could critique both the free homepage and the oto. Im sure my first attempt at copywriting sucks so i really need all the help i can get,any help would be greatly appreciated.

You can view the free member sales page here
Copywriters Board

You can view the oto page here. ( just a pint to note,in the oto page,i still have to insert three more products,also i have tags so if you see something like [firstname] just ignore it)
www.improfitsonline.com/oto.html

Looking forward to yere replies

By the way as you might notice ive been really struggling to think of a good headline for my oto,any suggestions would be great

Nice rebranded packages!

ys they are,ive rebranded ,reedited and added to them,nothing wrong with that is there.

dave

Nothing wrong. I was just saying that you did a nice job on the rebrand. Most people don't do that.

oh sorry,thought your implying that rebraning plr products was not the way to go,well ive fully added to all the products and i have four of my own products in there aswell.

Anyone have a critique on the copy itself.

dave

David,

You'll want to proofread your copy. It has typos, spelling errors, and spacing errors in the text. I read the first page. It's not grabbing me. The errors really affect the credibility of the page.

Deb

oh ok,ill look into this and fix the errors,is it the squeeze page you are referring to or the one time offer page

The free member sales page.

Oh right thanks.

Yes i opened up the free members page again in microsoft frontpage and all my mistakes were been highlighted so i fixed them. Those the free members page sell though. Id be looking for around a 50% conversion rate for the free members page.

I just finished the whole one time offer page,so to me its fully complete,what do people think,im looking for 2% plus conversion for this page.

www.improfitsonline.com/oto.html

Dave ...

For the oto headline, how does this sound?

"Discover How You Can Increase Your Online Profits Instantly...
Even Before You Build Your First Website"

In the first paragraph, you mention increasing profits. Obviously, the idea you have here is that if prospects buy the "Complete Course" they'll have an edge. The edge..the knowledge of all the different profit streams(strategies) out the gate.

Anyone else have ideas?