Hello everyone,

Okay here's the deal. This is my first copy and I was hoping all of you wonderful people could help me out with a critique on it. I think I did a decent job but I could be wrong. Plus there is always room for improvement.

A couple notes, some of the links may not work properly just in case you try any of them. I'm mainly looking for suggestions on my copy but site design suggestions are welcome to, if you decide. Um, not sure what else to say. If you have any questions or want some details on something let me know. So without further ado....

ProvidentHost - web hosting | linux | domain name

Many thanks,
C. Anderson

There is a decent size EMPTY space on the sidebar. Is there a reason for this?

The font size for your headline and subheads are way too large.

I can hardly read the text..it's too light. Try going up a notch on the color.

I'll go back and try to read your copy later.

Hi Cy Price,

Thanks for your suggestion. I'm partnering with Anderson on this project. He deals with the copy while I do the design. Since your reply focused mainly on design, I guess it would be appropriate if I do the reply.

I recognize the font might cause some problem if the visitors scan the copy. And we all know that visitors scan not read.

So, I've increased the font for the normal text and decreased the subtitle. Hope it reads better now.

There is no real reason to maintain the empty space below the left menu. It's just because the copy is longer than the left menu, thus, creating the empty space. Are you suggesting to fit all texts after the menu? Is there a good reason for doing so, like any testing or such? Or it's just looks more beautiful that way? (which is of course also a very important point)

Thanks again. Looking forward for your critiques.

Regards,

I'll concentrate on the copy, but the brightly colored left navigation is highly distracting.

The copy is okay. It certainly hits a bunch of the features. I really don't get the overall integrated "system" idea though. It's good for a one-stop shopping package.

To me it still seems like a offer firmly stuck in the 90s "internet in a box" era. Also these are claims, not benefits.

I would try to change "Achieve Your Dream Of Financial Freedom Today!" subhead and day job paragraph into something like

Until Now Your Small Business Had To Succeed In Spite of Your Hosting Provider
I would play up the pain of having your hosting provider actively working to sabotage your business. Today, there are legions of complaints about hosting providers. People are ready to switch.

I just think you're going too much for the gain and not doing the work on the pain of getting stuck with the wrong hosting provider. You play up the individual parts, but not the ease of using the parts together as a potent selling system (the benefits). And I don't really see the tools for managing, testing, or easiliy making sense of confusing traffic statistics. In other words, it's all about slapping up a website or shoving out a mailing (all output) and no information technology (input, A/B split runs, conversions as a percentage of raw traffic, etc) I get the distinct impression you're selling to the big rush of people who got onto the web in the 90s without updating the offer.

You have a LOT of information on this page on how to run a business online.

Change the whole focus of your sales letter so it starts out as a free report
eg.

7 Secrets To Creating Your Powerful Online Business.


Or something better.

Also you'll do much better if you have several pages - each tightly niched for one market.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

FREE Audio Copwriting Online

You have some virtual real estate on that sidebar where you could put testimonials, etc

Josiah

Its a sales page so there shouldn't be any navigation on the page at all.
One column.

One goal.
A sale or an opt-in.
One particular action.

Test your price but I think 2-20 times the price all work the same. And at 10 times the price you could offer more services. Anybody who is ready to pay $100 for a year doesn't know R.S.S from their A.S.S.
They don't know Search marketing, content, ......nothing.
Don't sell the low priced product.
They will never make $100 with it in order to pay you for another year even.


PS. Yes, It's very good first time copy. But you need to understand your customer more. They don't want a box full of tools.
A carpenter wants tools. The customer just wants the house already built.

Good, thank you everyone. Not as many responses I was hoping for still very helpful. Thank you all very much. Wish me luck.

C. Anderson