OK, my site is converting at around 1% and I would like it to do better.

I know that I am not the best copywriter (modesty is one of my few strong points ), despite owning about 50 pounds of information on how to write "great" copy.

It's a very specific niche with not a lot of traffic (about 1000 visits/mo.)

The average time spent on the site is 2 1/2 minutes.

I think the site could do much better as far as conversion with better copy.

I would L.O.V.E. to find out which areas could be improved upon.

Please, Oh please help. (I'm typing on my knees begging right now. )

Breakthrough Putting Secrets Revealed! Step-By-Step Putting Tips To Lower Your Scores NOW!

Well, with an offer for free copywriting, who can resist. At least you didn't try an obvious "If you're any good - prove it" goad.

Some suggestions to test are: Shorter headline, one bold paragraph below the headline, cut the number of one-sentence paragraphs by 90%. Use one sentence paragraphs like highlighting, sparingly and for important points only. Increase the use of subheads -- make them into mini-headlines for each important part of the letter.

What's the one thing you're missing in the bullet section golfer's love? It stood out like a sore thumb when I was reading your bullets.

The letter seems too much like the "throw in every copywriting formula and the kitchen sink." For something like putting, I would suggest giving some thought to developing a "theme" like Sugaman or Drew Kaplan use.

Read this article on building belief structure. Too many copywriters are using testimonials like a crutch, sabotaging belief structure with every unbacked claim they make.

Yeah, it takes that amount of time just to read your 37 word MEGAheadline and 58 word MEGAsubheads while fighting your popup optin box. 95 upper and lower case words to read before getting to your sales copy is too frickin' long. It made me tired and I'm ready to take a nap.

Off the top of my head I'd go with a shorter headline. . .something like this:



Or this:



Naturally I'd add a short preHEAD to the sample below and also a short subHEAD/deck copy and then go into my letter:

Thanks for the advice.

So, shorter headline, shorter body copy. Don't let this seem like I'm second guessing your input, but isn't there a copywriting saying "the more you tell, the more you sell"? If that is not the case here, then what do I need to focus on in the sales letter?

Yes, I did try to throw every copywriting tactic in, including the kitchen sink thinking that that would only help. I realize now that there was never any guidance as to which methods were to be applied and when.

I'll post again when I have made some changes to the site for another review.

Oh... And Mr. Subtle, I would appriciate it if you wouldn't beat around the bush next time and give it to me straight.

Hey Scott,

Just curious...but where are you getting your traffic from? I think you've got a halfway decent sales letter there, but maybe the low conversion problem lies with the quality of the suspescts visiting your site?

Sure, improving your copy is one way of boosting your conversion, but I'd also look at ways to bring more qualified prospects to your site.

Steve

The traffic is mostly from PPC right now. I am trying to improve my organic search rankings as we speak.

There are several ways to go wrong. One is thinking if a little oil will make a bike easier to pedal, a 55 gallon drum of the stuff will make the bike pedal itself. Long copy, headlines, etc should only be long enough to sell the product -- long for the sake of long is an oversimplification.

There's a reason Gary Halbert, John Carlton, etc have never written a 3,127 page sales letter with a 417 word headline. In other words, being a copywriter doesn't mean never having to edit.

Persuade, don't tell. More isn't always better. I think long headlines and the use of the word Free are better left to experts.

Information isn't a whole lot of data. Information gets the sequence, tone, pacing, and length right for the objective -- sell. Every sales person who's been in the saddle for even a little while knows you can talk yourself out of the sale. The overwhelming majority of mega headlines only signal the copywriter is thrashing around, desparate to try everything. Body copy is the place for length. Headline copy is the place for focus.

I just got a book today at Barnes and Noble written by Vicky Oliver called Power Sales Words.

She has a great little quote about long copy that I thought I would share with you.

"Never fixate on what the correct length of a piece of copy should be. Great copy is like a skirt. It should be long enough to cover the subject and short enough to be interesting"

My brothers speak the truth. Long copy wins every time over short copy.


Good long copy that is.



It must be engaging, educational, emotional, and styled.
Truth is all than can be done with short copy too.
And for us with less verbs under our belt, short will have to do cause our long copy can really suck.

I think your conversion is as average as your angle.
If you can come at your problem and your solution from a unique angle you'll get more results.

And 2.5 minutes is a gold mine.

You should give away one of your bonuses in exchange for an opt-in.

The conversion on your list can be much better than just one page. Cut up a bonus into a series of cool e-mails and change up with cool interviews and throw in cool freebies. The same list can convert 30 times better with some patience.