Hello again,

It's been a little while since I've had something critiqued, and I hope that means I have improved a little anyway.

I was wondering if someone would look at my website? When I pull it up the graphics do not appear around the text. Wanted to know if it's my computer link or if everyone gets the same thing. Also I would love to know what you think of my letter.

I really appreciate everyones honesty, and help. Because of you all I have learned so much. Thanks Again, and I look forward to seeing what you have to say.

April
WORDS MATER, LLC

The images aren't showing. You may want to check if your images are really there. Also check your img link markup > should be />

Words Mater?

April, I don't get the graphics either. You really need to develop this site. Put some meat on the bones.

Deb

April,
Not intending to sound rude or sarcastic, so take my comments with a grain of sugar.

Has your business been registered as an LLC?

If it isn't an LLC, you may want to check with your jurisdiction and see if it legal for you to do this.

Ok, getting on to your graphics...

I looked at your source code:
http://www.geocities.com/clipart/pbi/pictures/Templates/fallLeavesOrange.jpg

It appears you are linking to an invalid page for your graphics.

You may want to read this article concerning linking to Geocities images:

http://www.net4tv.com/voice/Story.cfm?storyID=3512

This may be part of your problem.

If you have your own hosting, why don't you simply set up an image folder and put your pictures there?

It might look something like this in your your html code:

http://aprilswordssell.com/images/fallLeavesOrange.jpg

On your page you state:
"My job is to help you get new business, keep your current business, and build trust in your company.", but you fail to tell your reader how you will do this for them or what it is that you do.

This is not a salesletter... what is your intended goal for this website?

April,

I'm no web design expert. But usually when my graphics don't show up it's because my code is looking for them in the wrong place.

The simplest thing to do is have all your images in a seperate folder and call it "img" or whatever. Then in your html the source for each of the pics will be "/img/xxxx.jpg". Does that make sense?

But more importantly, you need to make sure that pics or no pics, your site sells on the words alone. And I don't think your's does. There simply isn't enough there to cause anyone to take action.

Like Deb said, put some meat on the bones. Beef up the headline, draw them in, etc. If you can't do that with your promotional page, a prospect may wonder if you can do that with his/her page.

Darn it Chris... while I was writing about the image problem, you evidently beat me to the "submit reply" button...

Didn't mean to step on your toes!

I was thinking the same stupid thing.

Ah well, great minds...

Hello Again,

I am in fact an LLC I just received my papers in the mail this week. I really appreciate everyones comments, and suggestions. Computers, and websites are not my strongest suite. As it seems my copy is not yet either, I am still trying to learn all of this, and everyone heps alot.

Like you all said I will check into finding the graphics, and beefing up my copy as well. I wanted to buy that xsite program , but right now am unable to
so I am working with Yahoo for the time being.

Thanks Again so much, and I will hopefully have a revision very soon.

April

Your headline - Will you be Remembered - along with the particular graphic (looks like you might be driving by a cemetery) makes me think you mean - will I be remembered after I die. The graphics just don't match your message.

Also, there are some grammar issues that seem to interfere with how I read the copy. For instance, the commas after the word and. Instead of flowing, the comma interrupts.

Anyway, just a few thoughts.

I can see the graphics now, and in my opinion--too bright. I wouldn't go with the vivid graphics. Too orange. I'm originally from WV, and these are beautiful images in the autumn, but I wouldn't put them on my webpage. They assault the eye.

Focus less on "I" and more on "What's in it for the customer." Also, I'm not quite sure what you do.

Proofread. Proofread. Proofread.

Change the headline. With all due respect, I thought I was reading about a funeral home or something dealing with remembering someone after death.

Also, as a business owner, I'd want to know why I should hire you instead of someone else. You need to add specific benefits.

I consider writing a layering process. When I write for a client, I may show him the rough draft, but I always add another layer the next day. This letter needs a few more layers.

Best wishes.

Deb