Hello, I first wanted to tell everyone I think this board is absolutely terriffic. I've learned so much being a member in this short time. I really do appreciate the input and knowledge everyone has on here to share. I'm having a little problem with my headline. I think I need to tone it down a bit, but still want to grab the attention of the readers. I would welcome any input as to how to change this.

A little background on the product. It's real estate involved and shows people how they can purchase real estate for pennies on the dollar. It's essentially a short sell program. I think the legally robbed thing may be a little much, what are your thought or suggestions?

Thanks!!!

It's all about you and not your prospects.

What's in it for me???

Cheers,

Mike

It's one of those "A Submarine That Can Fly?" headline. The headline is too far off the mark. AIDA Attention, Interest, Desire Action -- Attention must naturally lead into interest.

Too many salesletters are all A no IDA.

I agree. Saying "legally robbed" might make someone curious, but without promising some benefits (ie. how they can do the same thing easily, here's how) they won't read any further.

I appreciate everyones input on this. I agree it makes someone curious, but doesn't really tell them what this is for or what it will do for them. I'm just having problems coming up with something catchy right now. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

It would help more to describe your target market and explain what you are selling and what it does for buyers.

Hey John... that's keen

No IDA ... No IDEA.

Off the top of my head. . .

Go with Subtle's suggestion.

Changing it to "you" instead of "I" is a very good move IMO.

Thank you Subtle, I think that was a great suggestion. Now, I'm using "You" instead of "I" That make it much more personable.

Thanks!