[Rob]

I was hoping I the headline would get your
attention.

I posted this critique about 2 weeks

http://www.copywritersboard.com/crit...uaranteed.html

And you guy said it sucked and that I would not
get any responses, now I'm no copywriter.

You guys are the professionals, but I sent this
email to only 660 of my 2800 list of realtors,
investors, buyers, lenders...

Subject line: From Rob Sanders Urgent Message "Who
Would Like To Make Up To $57,619.87 In 30 Days By
Partnering With Me?

Email: Good evening this is Rob Sanders I hope all
is well for a limited time I'm opening up my door
looking to work with 3 partners.

Now as a privilege of being on my list you have up
to 48 hours to respond before I make this
offer available to the public.

So read every single word on this page if you
would like to make some serious money up to
$57,619.87 in 30 days -

If you would like to finally make a bucket of cash
by this time next month and have nice
positive monthly cash flow coming in read on...

"Who Would Like To Make Up To $57,619.87 In 30
Days By Partnering Up With Me?"

- By Rob Sanders

On this page you will see how you can make huge
chunk of cash by partnering up with me.
Here are some details about the partnership...

You must have or hire an attorney...

Good credit needed to purchase 1 of 2 homes...

Get paid right at closing...

Title will be held in a trust...

6 months of mortgage payments will be escrowed as
a reserve...

Homes resold on terms...

No maintenance, repairs or improvements needed...

Completely hands off investment...

Positive spendable monthly cash flow of $375.00 to
$650.00...

If you interested in partnering with me you must
email me immediately at Multiple@comcast.net with
"More info on partnership" in the subject line.

I will then explain all the details and forward
you a questionnaire for you to answer and see if
you qualify.


Talk to you soon,




Rob Sanders

P.S. Once the 3 spots are gone I will close my
door... and I can not say when I will ever look
partner up again. Don't miss out act now.

P.S.S What would you do with $57,619.87?


And I got roughly 22 replys for more information
about my partnership offer and of those 22 I'm in
the process of locking up 3 - 4 partners.

I have now since teamed up with a copywriter who
will now write all my sales letter! And has
starting working with me on one of my projects.

But will not be able to start on this letter until
we wrap the first one up..

Please review this new letter they receive after
they opted in... and advise.

"Who Would Like To Make Up To $57,619.87 In 30 Days By Partnering Up With Me?"

My point of this post is just send out your offer
and improve it as you go along. You may just get
some repsonses.


Thanks, you guys are great!




Rob Sanders

[maxjohan]

Originally Posted by Rob

I was hoping I the headline would get your
attention.

I posted this critique about 2 weeks

http://www.copywritersboard.com/crit...uaranteed.html

And you guy said it sucked and that I would not
get any responses, now I'm no copywriter.

You guys are the professionals, but I sent this
email to only 660 of my 2800 list of realtors,
investors, buyers, lenders...

Subject line: From Rob Sanders Urgent Message "Who
Would Like To Make Up To $57,619.87 In 30 Days By
Partnering With Me?

Email: Good evening this is Rob Sanders I hope all
is well for a limited time I'm opening up my door
looking to work with 3 partners.

Now as a privilege of being on my list you have up
to 48 hours to respond before I make this
offer available to the public.

So read every single word on this page if you
would like to make some serious money up to
$57,619.87 in 30 days -

If you would like to finally make a bucket of cash
by this time next month and have nice
positive monthly cash flow coming in read on...

"Who Would Like To Make Up To $57,619.87 In 30
Days By Partnering Up With Me?"

- By Rob Sanders

On this page you will see how you can make huge
chunk of cash by partnering up with me.
Here are some details about the partnership...

You must have or hire an attorney...

Good credit needed to purchase 1 of 2 homes...

Get paid right at closing...

Title will be held in a trust...

6 months of mortgage payments will be escrowed as
a reserve...

Homes resold on terms...

No maintenance, repairs or improvements needed...

Completely hands off investment...

Positive spendable monthly cash flow of $375.00 to
$650.00...

If you interested in partnering with me you must
email me immediately at Multiple@comcast.net with
"More info on partnership" in the subject line.

I will then explain all the details and forward
you a questionnaire for you to answer and see if
you qualify.


Talk to you soon,




Rob Sanders

P.S. Once the 3 spots are gone I will close my
door... and I can not say when I will ever look
partner up again. Don't miss out act now.

P.S.S What would you do with $57,619.87?


And I got roughly 22 replys for more information
about my partnership offer and of those 22 I'm in
the process of locking up 3 - 4 partners.

I have now since teamed up with a copywriter who
will now write all my sales letter! And has
starting working with me on one of my projects.

But will not be able to start on this letter until
we wrap the first one up..

Please review this new letter they receive after
they opted in... and advise.

"Who Would Like To Make Up To $57,619.87 In 30 Days By Partnering Up With Me?"

My point of this post is just send out your offer
and improve it as you go along. You may just get
some repsonses.


Thanks, you guys are great!




Rob Sanders

Yeah I know.. some people run their mouth without knowing what they are talking about... still I think you made a good move hiring an real copywriter. I see you have lots of recommandations, the first one state.. 250 buyers the first 8 days... tell me how you do that sir, and I promise you to give you a fat check for my first sold house and everything after that....

Send me a private message

[abdellah]

Hi,

so here is my vision hope that it help:

If you have a current copy of your credit report, then fax a copy to Bianca at 609-228-1054 or email it to Bianca@creditpartners.org. The credit report must be a scored tri-merge report that has been ran within the last 30 days. Feel free to black out any personal information.

If you do not have a current copy, call Bianca at 732-606-4020 and tell her that you are interested in the partnership and you would like to have your credit ran.

The charge to have your credit ran is $10.50 and you will also receive a copy of your credit report. The $10.50 can be paid over the phone with a credit or debit card or we can send you a money request by email and you can pay via paypal.

some thing make me in trouble :

1)the IF so reader have choice to not do.

2)the insistance of getting credit report (fresh one), without making promise of privacy.

3)the non refundebale fee $10,50.

We will send you over all the details about the first deal we will be moving forward with. Pictures, Bedrooms, Baths, Condition of the home, Equity, Upfront profit, Estimate monthly cash flow… Bottom line, how much money you can expect to receive at closing… and how much will be deposited into your bank account every month.

You will have only 24 hours to give me the green light that you would like to move forward with this deal. You must do so by sending an email, “Yes, I want to move forward with this deal!”

what about moving Backward?

7 Page Partnership Agreement!

We will send you over the partnership agreement for you and your attorney to review. You will have only 48 hours to review, sign, notarize and fax back to Bianca.

this mean 48 hour to do :

1)reading and reread 7 complicated page.
2)consult the athonery.
3)to let him read it.
4)to convain for a meet (then to discuss about it)
5)to pay him
6)to sign.
7)then to go to the person who make the notarise.
8 )to wait.
9)to pay him again.
10)to Fax it (to pay)
11)To have your daily life.

all this in 48 hours.!!!! (this may influence people to make hurry decision then perhaps bad choices).

The appraisal and home inspection!

You must pay for the appraisal, home inspection and my negotiator. You will only have to pay for my negotiator if we are doing a short sale. We do not have time to waste, so you paying for the appraisal, home inspection and my negotiator if needed kind of locks you into the deal.

There are a lot of time wasters out there, we cannot afford to bring on a partner and get the ball rolling, then a week or two into the process they decide to back out, for whatever reason.

We’re talking about thousands, hundreds of thousands and millions of dollars here, my friend, and a once in a lifetime opportunity to cash in!

How are the cost is broken down!

$300.00 is for the appraisal, $400.00 is for my negotiator if we are doing a short sale and the remaining balance of $450.00 is for a home inspection, if needed, which can be paid within 2 weeks from getting the ball rolling. You will be reimbursed the money you spent at closing.

this mean :

1)to spend :300+400+450=$10500.
2)to wait a minimun of 2 weeks for the closing (may be more!).

this mean to invest 10500 in an hypothetic sales, that may make return on (at least 2 weak) and may giveyou in return, what? !!!

Thousands, Hundreds of Thousands and Millions Yes Millions will be made!

the word PARTENER has a dep meaning.

Partener are to assume all the benefit, or even the loss or the banckurency.

this is my vision please believe in my respect and my sympathy, I tried to give you my vision as a prudent reader.

hope that it help.

[skywriteing]

Seeing it for the second time, my impression is the same. ( I sure missed the harpoon on THAT one). The form and style are good. Too much focus on "Me" but other than that, the energy says "opportunity" rather than hype and scam.
It was/is my impression that your heart in the right place and your copy only needs small changes and you should keep at it.

So many miss the boat on attitude.

(Not like I've been voted "Mr.Good attitude and Valuable To The Forum" ..or anything.)

- Chuck

P.S. My mentor says " Real professionals never give away advice for free. "
( DAMN.....just shot myself in the kneecap again. I suck.)

[wordsmith]

We should start inserting Disclaimers in our signature files that the advice we solicit are of personal opinions and in no way reflects the actual response from the reader or prospect

Investing gurus, Eat your heart out!

[abdellah]

I think that I have to clarify the two line :

this is my vision please believe in my respect and my sympathy, I tried to give you my vision as a prudent reader.

yes I tried to give him my vision as a reader (first) and as the one who is skeptic one (I may done a mistake on skeptic hope that you understand me).

why?

because I am a beginner as it is written in my Signature, I am transparent, I don't want to make other in the wrong way, making a critic (or try to help ) (I prefer the 2) is a big responsability.

this is why I use to say : "my modest vision","I may be wrong",etc..

any way, hope just that my words that I post in this section of the forum help, else please don't hesitate and tell me, I want to learn also.

so please if some day my words sound arrogant or pompous don't hesitate and tell me.

[Rob]

I put this post up just to get a point
across send out your offer and improve
as you go along, is better then just
doing nothing.

Nothing else intended Just to get people
to view the post.

You guys write copy for a living, I'm a
real estate man!

I appreciate everyone input prior on
the previous post and now.

I did start working with a copywriter
because of you guys advise!


Thanks a million,




Rob Sanders