Can someone please rip my salesletter apart...

You can find it at Sexy Tummy Video

Now most of the visits to my salesletter are coming from my presell page at How to Instantly Get Rid of Your Pot Belly, Pooch, or Midriff

So you may want to read the presell page first

Please DONT be nice. Rip it apart.

Thanks for your help

What is there to rip apart?

I love it!

The headline, the testimonials, the proof... the awesome guarantee...

it has everything I would expect from a great sales letter!

I will say that at first glance, the headline looked too wordy, but when I started reading it ... I got sucked in.

There was one thing I might change if it were my sales letter:

($1 for each day you wasted using my CD)


I wouldn't use the word "wasted", instead I would say:


($1 for each day you gave my CD an honest try)

or

($1 for each day you were able to lose inches off your waist line using my CD)

or

($1 for each day you were able to see the results using my CD)


... you get the idea.

Hi, and welcome

so this is the first element that catch me:

21 $ on 21 days= 1$ / day.

too less, and may be misinterpreted.

some people perhpas will feel insulted, they will just say: "my day is worth then 1$)

hope that help.

Abdellah,
I will have to respectfully disagree...

I think it's a great idea and a fantastic guarantee.

going2, your sales letter isn't too bad.

I wouldn't go with 3 headlines. Test all 3 separately and see which one pulls better. Personally I like the first one:

How to flatten your belly in 5 minutes using a piece of string

The "piece of string" would make me read at least the first few paragraphs because it's so unique.

The sales letter is very readable and lacking many of the speed bumps that one sees in so many internet sales letters. I like that you told everyone everything about your product and offer and then. . .after the P.S. followed up with testimonials.

You might consider testing the Bottomline/Boardroom type offer where you'll send the DVD for free and then bill them in 30 days (eliminating the $21 payback if it doesn't work).

Either way you definitely have a good (Joyner) "irresistible offer."

my friend I have to confess,that I havn't see this sentence as a guarantie but as something to grab attention, to attract (this is how I assimilated it , may I misunderstand it).


Now why this may be misinterpreted this is why:

1) Active Women: have job and go fast in here life, have income, and she is realy going fast no time: when seeing such offer what that will produce?

1)the product is cheaper.
2)the offer is cheaper.
3)the guaranty (21$) is cheaper.

2) Mom and daugther : they take care about the health, tso the premerdial aspect is How safe it is?

when they saw this what would be thier reaction :
1)my health dosn't have price.
2)cheap offer.
3)no argument so he is to make money inorder to attract me.
4)too easy.

and we can go in more stipulation.

the only part that this kind of (formulation ) may attract is :

1) ados (12-15) then they depend on thier mom.
2) young women and believe me they prefer to do jogging .

so for who is destinated ?

this is my vision, I may be wrong.

but hope that it help.

I think I've only had about maybe 30-50 visits in two weeks to the actual sales page - 95% of which are coming from my PReSell page.

How many visits should I use a test of how good this sales page is?

again my Presell page is at How to Instantly Get Rid of Your Pot Belly, Pooch, or Midriff
and the sales letter is at Sexy Tummy Video

Do you think I'm givng away too much info on my sales page?

I guess I need to devote more of my time to getting more targeted traffic

You might be right about your main page giving away too much.

What I would do is use an optin page.

Many top marketers will tell you that it takes anywhere from five to seven visits to your site before you get a sale from an average site visitor.

The purpose of capturing email addresses on an optin page is so you can follow up with your visitors.

The way it is right now, you have visitors coming to your page and if they don't bite at first sight, they're gone forever!

If you are going to take this advice, you will also need an autoresponder that does all the emailing work for you.

An autoresponder is a program or system that enables you to "pre-write" all your emails. After a prospect subscribes to your list, they will get a series of emails that are sent out automatically at preset intervals.

On this optin page offer to show your prospect the free video sample (the one you have on your main page), for signing up to your list.

Once you've gotten your prospects name and email address, have them forwarded to the sales page.

If you're not sure what an optin page looks like... Michel Fortin has a page that takes you to his video after you've opted in... Here is the link.

If you've got ten dollars to spare, I highly recommend you check out a thread I made a few months ago. It will lead you what I believe to be the best source on the net for how to build a list and create optin pages.

Here's a link to the thread

... believe me when I say "it's priceless" (you'll be shocked when you see all the information inside this membership)!

Maybe I should have stated that getting to my sexy tummy salesletter is actually a 3-step process

usually a visitor arrives at my homepage Weight Loss Made Easy - Lose Weight & Look Good Naked where they have many options.

One is to sign up 5 free email reports.

Do you the email capture form on my homepage is good enough for...

1. high opt in rate
2. getting visitors back to my site?

I think you got a good letter there.

I'll just offer my experience when reading your headline...

"How to flatten your belly in 5 minutes using a piece of string, How to get rid of your love handles in 10 days using a hula-hoop and a broomstick, and How to tone up your lower ABS (your pooch) in 2 weeks using a #2 pencil."


When I got to (your pooch), there was a serious pause for me.

I also experience pauses when words are repeated, such as the
"and's" in this phrase...

"and a broomstick, and"

and the number "2" in this...

2 weeks using a #2 pencil

I don't like using a word in a sentence more then once. It often
wrecks the flow.

Here's my stab at it...

(prehead)
"You can flatten your belly like in 5 minutes using a piece of string!

(headline)
"You will get rid of your love handles in 10 days using a hula-hoop and a broomstick! Plus you will tone up your lower ABS in 2 weeks using a nothing more then the pencil in your desk."

That's just my opinion and quick stab at it.

Good luck on the letter. I think you should be able to get some
sales with that baby.