Hi everyone,

I recently released a product called the "Instant Joint Venture Success System". The package currently includes an ebook, a "cheatsheet", JV agreement template guides, educational tools for prospects, consultation and private forum access.

URL: http://www.InstantJointVentureSuccess.com

It sells well for some affiliates and partners (ranging from 2% - 3%), while for others, there seems to be no response other than signups for the mini-course (so perhaps the sales are still a few days out). This obviously has a lot to do with the type of traffic.

Anyway, I'm wondering if there are any copywriting "No No's" that I should be aware of on the site.

Please let me know

Thanks,

-Chris Rempel

Chris, my immediate reaction was that it looks cluttered (your headline talking about "simple, 12-word sentences" is 46 words long!).

The really long yellow sentence at the bottom of the header could go, IMHO, and I had to force myself to read that long, small-font italicized paragraph.

Starting with the Dr. Mani testimonial box and below, it looks and reads really good, I thought, although I haven't read the entire letter closely.

I found this down the page a bit, and it would probably make a more concise and better head/sub-head than what you've got now:
.02, Ken S.

Thanks Ken

I've changed the "pre-head" considerably, and got rid of the subheads.

I'll adjust the yellow sentence in the top banner shortly.

New: Joint Venture Marketing - Instant JV System

Old: Joint Venture Marketing - Instant JV System

Any other suggestions?

-Chris

How's the new pre-head looking?

-Chris

Hi,

so here is my modeste, please bvelieve in my respect and my sympathy.

so reagarding the Header :

"How to effortelessly Create..."

I don't know why, but the How and the interrogation form don't catch me, it do nothing with me , my feeling was, Have I to answer a question?

in my humble vision a direct approach and more claim will give better: let take off the :
How to effortelessly

to make it sound like an order; or just an invitation.

2)the headline :

it is the relation between the first part of the sentence and the second part of it that make me in trouble; it sound too easy, and have no connection, let me explain :

1)to write a basic letter with just one simple 12 wrods sentence.
2)Joint venture.
3)Explode your sales.(mean to have product)
4)any kind of life style You desire.

so let take some case of study :

A) I meet (1), but I don't know any thing about JV (2) so before making a promise about exploding my sales and making heaven of my life please explain me what is JV.

B) I meet (1), I know JV(2), but how writing and JV will make heaven of my life.(too big)

C) I dislike writing, so your offer isn't for me.

D) I meet (1), but no product How please would you explode my Sales.

D) no Profit on demand I can't believe in that.
etc..

and the headline in my humble vision is too longer and too much red.

again please believe in my respect and my sympathy and Hope that help.

Thanks for your input abdella.

My purpose for the headline is to generate a high level of curiosity within the reader, in order to have them glued to the page to find out what this "simple thing" is.

Not to educate them - that's what the copy below is for.

John Reese recommends doing this (using "if, then" statements that compare incredibly easy tasks with massive results).

So my goal is to try and have the headline generate a lot of curiosity, which is then verified by my strongest testimonial (Dr. Mani), so that the reader feels compelled to follow the sales letter down.

Do you think this is the correct approach?

Or should my headline be more believable?

-Chris

Well, I did in my post above. Except I counted 46 words.