Hi, I'm a newbie to IM and copy writing. After reading through these informative boards I revamped my copy, but I don't think it's there yet.

Aesthetically, I have to clean up the format and the bullets.

But, I would really appreciate some feedback on the headline and copy.

Thanks a lot!

Debbie
Welcome to UmojaMix

Hi and welcome here

Please give us the link to your copy.

Woops, sorry...I did not provide the right link.

Thanks!

Withholding the Ring-Professional Black Men Explain the Marriage Delay by Debbie Wright

Debbie

so here is my modest vision hope that it help. and please believe in my respect and my sympathy.

My friend the whole approach make me in trouble.

the continious focus on color make it BAD.

where is you proof?

never make statement without proof, and even if there is a proof, make subtlty.

talk about all men and women without focusing on color, there is an aspect that can be misunderstound (however it is premiditated or no).

hope that it help.

I think you should focus on either men or women. Men and women are motivated by completely different things so your copy should vary depending to which gender you are speaking.

Thanks, Evelyn

My first ad was targeted towards Black women, but I thought I was limiting my market. I'm going to redirect it to the women again.

Thanks again for your comments.

Debbie