Hi Folks,

I am a complete newbie to copywriting so I thought I'd ask for your advice. I have been lurking for some time now...

Anyway, I am offering only 9 dentist's free recall cards (patient reminder cards - due to accidently printing too many up after press wrong button on printer - too engrossed in what was happening with Paul Mccartny) so hopefully, I can get a foot in the door to do some printing for them in the future.

Here's my headline;

"Paul McCartney's Break Up Forces Printer To Give Away 2000 Recall Cards... FREE!"

"Paul McCartney's Divorce Forces Printer To Hand Out FREE Recall Cards To Only 9 Dentist's!"

I would be happy for any advice given.

Cheers.

Mani

Unless Paul McCartney has any relevence to your target audience, I would'nt use it.

Sure it makes for a good story line, but I definitely "would not" use it in a headline.

This could be seen as an inability to pay attention to what you're doing.

Very good point Cy.

As copywriters we're supposed to be very detail oriented individuals.

So you made a mistake...

everyone is entitled to a mistake once in a while (we're only human), but I think a bigger mistake would be to bring special attention to this.

Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps it would show your honesty and that you are not perfect, but I just wouldn't do it.

I'm sure there are a lot better choices for a headline than this.

Another problem with creating this type of headline is that you'll then have to rewrite almost all of your adcopy if it doesn't work.

IOW - Writing the headline first (in this case) forces you to write an entire story that is wrapped around this particular headline.

If it doesn't fly, then it's "back to the drawing board".

This is one of the reasons I write my copy first and then settle in with the headline.

Sure there are times when I'll throw in a "bogus" headline to get the ball rolling, but I'm always thinking ahead on what my copy is going to say when doing this.

Hope this has been helpful!

I'm going against my friend primo (and probably everyone else), when I say I actually think the McCartney headline has something to it. Maybe it's a National Enquirer/Weekly World News thing, but if we listen to what many marketers say (my favoite Sugarman among them) the headline's only job is to get you to read the first line.

If that is true, then...

As ridiculous and scattered as headline may be... it sucks me in long enough to read the first line. I really want to know what the hell Sir Paul has to do with this printer.

Okay... there... I said it!

How DARE You knave! [LOL]

Really, I do respect your opinion on this Vin (you da' man)!

This is really a good thread and I'd like to hear more feedback on this.

I know that if this is the route a copywriter will take, it needs to be closely related to what's in "today's" headlines or current news headlines...

For a couple of reasons:

1. It's being searched on google and has a popular keyword embedded in the copy and in the headline if it is a "text" headline (not a graphic).
2. Like Vin has already stated... it needs to do the job of grabbing one's attention and get you to read the first line.

One of the biggest problems I see in this style of headline is that it might be short-lived.

So, if you intend on having this copy running for some time, it will eventually lose effectiveness.

As far as Paul McCartney's break up is concerned... to me it's old news.

You know primo I didn't even take into account the breakup. I don't care if it's this week, next week, next year or 20 years ago...

I also don't care if it's paul mccartney, Brad Pitt or Jerry Seinfeld. If I see a headline that says a celebrity caused a printer to f*ck up or something, I'm going to at least give that first line a shot.

Now this doesn't take into account google trends or anything like you were talking about... But strictly on a rubbernecker level, celebrity + ironic situation will get me to the first sentence.

Thankyou everyone for your time. I take on everything you tell me.

I thought I'd tell you more of my circumstances..if that helps you?
Being from Melbourne, Australia, this was big news about 2 weeks ago (Maybe a little bit longer) so maybe it's run its race? Also, this will be a once off mail out out to dentist's offline.

Thanks again for all your help... I much appreciate it.

Mani

I hear ya'

So in essence, the headline doesn't have to make any sense whatsoever and it doesn't matter "when" the time frame takes place as long as it has a celebrity name in it, it will grab attention... hmmm... interesting.

Gee... do ya think that if I mentioned that Charlie Chaplin stole my printer cartridge, folks would buy it?

Of course I am saying this with tonque inserted into cheek.

I do see where you are going... Celebrity names get attention... lots.

Entire tabloids and gossip mags are filled with this "junk", but I can assure you that if I read a headline that says "Paul McCartney's Divorce Forces Printer To Hand Out FREE Recall Cards To Only 9 Dentist's!",
I wouldn't bother reading the copy.

For one thing a printer can't "hand out" anything...

I don't know what a "recall card" is (so I wouldn't care if it was FREE)...

and the darn printer has already given away all these card to "only" 9 dentists, so what's in it for me?

I just don't see the benefit in this headline.

If I saw this I would be thinking "that's a freakin' weird headline"!...

and that's all I would think.

Thanks Stephen for your help. I guess it's back to the drawing board.

THe headline does sound weird when I read it the way you do... I guess when I say printer, I should have said local printing co. ...
but even then it's still weird... Thanks again for pointing all this out.