I just redid my namesqueeze page for Copywriting University...

Any feedback on it?

Copywriting University - Best-Selling Copy Secrets Revealed with Video How-To Tactics From a Proven Million-Dollar Copywriter...!

I'm trying to go for a more minimalist approach with this, less over the top...but it seems to be too much 'me' vs 'you' oriented...

I think I like elements of my old headline re other-oriented benefits better than the new one... not sure about it.. any ideas?

here's the old one:

Copywriting University - Best-Selling Copy Secrets Revealed with Video How-To Tactics From a Proven Million-Dollar Copywriter...!

appreciate any thoughts... (I still need to completely redo the main salesletter, it's "too much")...

What would You put on a namesqueeze, aimed at internet marketers and aspiring copywriters? (mainly IMers)..

I'ts fairly poorly written and amateurish, all of it; definitely not my best work..... I need to put a lot more work into developing better triggers and hooks, and in tangibilizing the copy elements to make it slicker and more professional... it's a "brainstorm in progress"..

come along for the journey -- all ideas welcome.. thanks!


to higher sales,

Ken

I like the layout on the new one better -- the old one is way too busy and cluttered. But you're right, I think the old head is better (at least the first big one in black type -- it goes on a bit too long otherwise).

I don't like that question in the pre-head ("Do you like sizzling hot sales as much as I do?") because I start thinking, "Well, how much DOES Ken like sizzling hot sales from his copy, anyway?" Quite a lot, I imagine, but the focus is going the wrong direction, as you already noted.

I like the body copy in general, although I don't like being told to go Google you if I want proof of your income. Either give it to me, on this page or through a link, or not at all, but don't tell me to do all the work and go search for it myself.

That header graphic seems too busy to me -- I had trouble reading the text because there's so much visually going on in the background.

Overall, I like the new one better, although as you noted it can use some work.

.02,
Ken S.

Thanks Ken, agree... I made some updates, thx for the comments... (still needs work, hopefully it's getting a bit better)..

Ken

Hi,

I know I have no background but realy i want to share just muy vision with you, soplease believe in my respect and my sympathy.

the thing that catch me in the squeez page is : Too pompous !

you tried to proof that you make a success and you can proof that, but at the sames time you escape just one question:

if you make this success are you to garantie the success of your fellowers, you havn't made such claim because you can't proof it.

sorry but i got the feeling that the most important element for you in this page was YOU.

again I havn't your background, nor your qualification so I have to be humble and again please belive in my sympathy and my respect.
hope that help.

hi Abdellah, thanks... that's why I have the testimonials in the main salesletter, at

Copywriting University - Best-Selling Copy Secrets Revealed with Video How-To Tactics!

The testimonials offer social proof of the value of the course.. interesting points, I'll look at it from your perspective too, to see how I can be even more customer-focused vs me focused.

Main thing is, anyone teaching copywriting/sales needs to demonstrate credibility, so that's why I do that strongly... since there's a lot of wannabe-copywriters who can't product earning screencaps/proof..

more testimonials are needed though, good point -thanks!

ken

p.s. I'll know I've "made it" when I ask for these critiques, and get a flood of new actual orders from everyone, vs critiques... :P

I do like the newer approach a lot better. I feel the original gets too much "in my face".

I would definitely add the video, but on a redirected page "after" the squeeze page.

To me headlines are "variables" and worth testing, so I don't have an opinion on either one.

I will say Ken, that if this copywriting U is as good as the adwords product you have, then it's definitely a winner...

-- by the way, I owe you a testimonial for the adwords product...

excellent stuff!

hi Stephen, thanks very much! your post made my morning...

you can send that testimonial for the Writing Adwords course to me at ken at daytradinguniversity dot com anytime this weekend would be appreciated.. it's great if you could include a number, something specific... and include your photo Plus the URL that you want me to add to it too, for linking to your site, so you'll get massive new traffic, too ... a win-win

my ads do tend to be very cluttered; I have to keep working on simplifying them, and pithifying my copy... my ad style is like that of Japanese ads, if you've ever seen those, you know what I mean.. packed with curved text everywhere, not a scrap of whitespace... but not suitable for western audiences, so I need to "keep it clean and corporate"...


have a great one..

Ken

seems to me you're repeating the same thought... with no transition.


I’d also improve the transition to "Here's the story". I don’t know why, but "Hang on, because it's gonna be a wildly profitable trip — it begins right now..." sounds too much like an ending line...

Oh, and you say "hang on to your keyboard" again.

You mentioned “lifestyle”, maybe this will help you:

It comes from a Makepeace email I've just received. It's stuffed with pictures, by the way.

Other things that might help:
- a small “snapshot” of the blueprint (if it has pictures/charts, might act as a teaser)
- or... 1 or 2 minutes from the free video, as a sample BEFORE they subscribe

Another thought: NORAD = luxury? It sounds more like "security" to me... or "classified".. or "top-secret". I have a different mental picture of "luxury" - Beverly Hills, Ibiza, Monte Carlo...

my .02

later edit: here's the link to Clayton's letter
Clayton Makepeace - The Total Package Products

Ken,

One thing...

Include bullets that highlight
the benefits of opting in.

Maybe that will also make the
opt in page a little shorter which
is not a bad thing.

Ken,

I agree with the comments others have made that this page is too focused on you.

You should also not assume that people who want to learn copywriting want the same lifestyle that you appreciate.

It's also not believable that people can learn in two hours what you learned in four years. I do believe that you could condense four years of learning into two hours of instruction, but you imply that they can become as good as you in two hours and that is not believable at all. Reword this.

I'm also now totally confused about what Copywriting University is. It's now nothing but a 2-hour DVD?

Best wishes,
Marcia Yudkin