Here's my latest one...

http://successdoctor.com/projects/lv/

Interesting copy ... here's what I'd mod:

- add 1-2 photos of houses, or even better, of a real person in front of a real house holding a check in their hand... there is a house in the header graphic, I'd add another somewhere in the body copy.. since that's what it's about, I'd add that to help prospect see themselves in the picture of houses + check

- cold, hard cash, moolah, dinero .. pushes the boundary of 'get rich quick' copy, maybe convey benefit in another way/choice of words?

- excellent subhead linkages ...: 'i bought every book...'... 'broke dejected...' then 'it hit me like a ton of bricks, i finally cracked the code' (great copy on those s/hs!)

- should first ebook cover be facing right? seems should be facing left, into the body of copy..

- i like the visual impact of black 'insider secrets to..', I'd move that up higher in the copy

- good opt in capture placement/wording

- add a graphic to the 'busting some myths' s/h .. good copy on that..

- funny re Bzzzt! Sorry Wrong Again.. that's engaging.. good progression..

- interesting how-tos, well written benefit stack

- valid 'warning' points

- change the even-numbered dollar wins to something more credible,
eg instead of $27,000 and $32,000 use $26,795 or $31, 850 etc...

- 'every bit' well written copy..

- guarantee is reassuring

- 'I even walk you through.. excellent

- change colors of bonus reports from green, looks same as main pitch product, i thought all 3 were the same thing, till looking at copy more closely

Superb copy as usual, nice work. Hope those few tips above can help too.

Nice to see such talented copy on a regular basis.. like listening to a tight studio musician at work ..

liked the order form too, nice graphic design/layout and copy hooks

ken

I agree with Ken... excellent copy!

Here are just a few nitpicky sorta things:

First sentence: you repeat "the" ("... but didn't have the the cash...")

5th para: Quotation mark missing at beginning

Use of "average Joe" in a couple of places... I didn't mind it, but it might hit a nerve with some female prospects. Perhaps it could be "average folks" or "average person" or something similar that's gender-neutral?

I think you should drop the ".00" (zero cents) on all dollar amounts.

Paragraph before checkmark bullets: "... most common questions ..."

Tip #2: "It's a joke. And outright farce." Did you mean "An outright farce?

Tip #3: "number-one" (hyphenate the compound modifier)

Question about testimonials: don't they seem less credible when the full name is not used? Is there some reason not to use last names?

Testimonial, "$10,000 in Just 7 Days... Just writing to let you know I ..." and a bit later, "... a little over $10,000..."

Testimonial, "Rookie earns... This course is defiantly ..." Is that supposed to be "This course is definitely..." ?

Perhaps you should delete the last testimonial. It says seminars cover "the exact same material..." I know this is to show value, but in previous text it is implied that the material in this book is not available elsewhere; this testimonial contradicts that by saying it's available at seminars.

Subhead 3 paragraphs before Guarantee: "I go a lot further..."

7th bullet (after Guarantee): "number-one" (compound modifier again)

9th bullet: "This sneaky little ..."

P.S.: "... force me to put ... "

I'm not sure about the use of the term "Secret" with the extra bonuses. How can they be "secret" when they are announced right there in the copy?

Like I said, Michel, this is nitpicky stuff that I'm sure you'd catch during a final proofreading. I love the copy; it's one of the most compelling offers I've ever seen.

Yup, this is my first draft ... So things like that will come out and get fixed....

The average Joe implies everyone, but I can see your point. Will add "average Joes and Janes..."

Oh to be an average Jane .... (she said lugubriously ....)




Jane