Hello all,

I am finally coming out into the open with my last project (I am the ghost copywriter), and ask your sincere opinions and observations as I want to start trying some new versions and split tests.

I wrote the copy for http://www.SuccessAlert.com

I know, another internet marketing product... arghh! It just fell in my lap (and I am glad it did!) - it really is a fine product (but I am not trying to sell you!), and the owner is truly a great guy.

I'll be frank, it is doing far better than we expected... currently there have been about 25,000 visitors, with about 1400 sales -- an average 5.5% CR... this is 11 times better than what the original was pulling.

Traffic is coming from all over the map, but mostly affiliate traffic, and PPC.

Why the "Arghh! This is selling well..." subject? And if it is doing so well, why the request for opinions and help?

In all honesty, the letter is aggressive - it is what ended up pulling the best in our testing. I made 22 versions - mostly small changes to get there - and had a couple of private helping hands from a couple of fine copywriters here on this forum that gave me some very helpful advice.

The owner and I want to tone it down now (but obviously not compromise the CR%), or at least start testing again, 5.5 CR% is not bad at all, but there are still 95 visitors in 100 that are NOT buying... I think it can improve.

What would you change? Do you think the aggressive tone is necessary to maintain this CR%?

In all humility, I thank you for your ideas.

Tim

P.S. There are women testimonials coming (I realized at a certain point that all the testimonials were male... not good! So I had the owner gather some representatives from the better side of the human race. )

Hi Timothy,

Excellent copy I must say indeed. It radiates enthusiasm. At first, I was put off by the hype but it's well written so it kept me reading. After a while, seeing the testimonials and what's included in the manual, the hype becomes justified and turns into excitement. I think that's why this "aggressive" or hyped version has been performing so well.

I like these lines a *lot*:

If a millionaire online marketer offered to share his most guarded online success strategies with you over lunch, but he forgot his wallet, would you offer to pay? Or let him go back to his hotel room to eat alone? - Just brilliant! Excellent establishment of value.

(In all sincerity, this ebook could honestly change your life!) - In black, it almost breaks away and jumps out from the copy to tell you in a sincere tone what this book really is.

What you could change:

The header right now is more towards the bottom, perhaps you can experiment with putting it up top? I found that my attention span weakened and I almost clicked away again, you could be losing some hyped-up surfers who exit because of the opening. Worth a test.

This part is between quotations, which implies it's not your statement. However, nowhere does it show who made the statement. That created some confusion for me.

The opening bullet: Find the surging courage that DARES YOU to grab your life and succeed.

This was a bit vague for me, especially because it was the opening bullet. Perhaps you can rephrase it, or simply put another more specific benefit on top, for instance the second bullet (Build your business on rock solid...)

Lastly, you have 9 "What you will learn" bullets (Right before Michael Green's testimonial). It would be worth to "call to action" at that point. Right after the bullets you could say: "Get to work with this million-dollar-knowledge right away and start building your fortune... Click here to get your copy!"

In closing, I have two questions;

- How did you attract so many affiliates (or such big affiliates) in such a short time? 25,000 qualified visitors is a lot I think.

- Could you disclose some basic information about the PPC campaign you're doing? What keywords do you advertise for, for instance? I realize this last question is a bit bold, it's totally okay if you'd rather not mention anything about it.

Good luck with this project!

My initial thoughts WITHOUT reading all the copy...

Sure, if I read the copy entirely, I may come up with a different angle to replace the aggressive nature of the copy. But Timothy, in an industry like Internet marketing, which is oversaturated with these types of promises/products/promotions, aggressiveness is often the best resort (i.e., best = least risky, quickest, easiest, etc)...

Unless, however, you change your strategy completely.

Some examples:

1) Change the "angle" completely. Take on a new angle. A new twist. Something that presents the product in a whole different way than most traditional Internet marketing how-to stuff.

2) Tone-down but "nichefy." "Thou Shall Divide and Conquer" (to quote my book "The 10 Commandments of Power Positioning") means to offer the same product but "molded" to a different and highly targeted market. Like SuccessAlertForTraders.com, SuccessAlertForInfopreneurs.com, SuccessAlertForConsultants.com, etc.

The more narrow the market, the less aggressive you need to be. Why? Because the message appeals more to a specific person with specific desires and goals. You don't appear as generic and therefore you don't need to sell as hard. (But there are some caveats, which I will save because they will take too much space here.)

3) Change the offer/approach. From trial offers, stronger guarantee (if a "cashback monetary gift if cancelled" guarantee), to hybrid offerings (turning the product into a physical, tangible product, with a portion of bonus package that's downloadable and can be consumed while the client waits for her product in the mail). There are also elements of proof (see my post in the online copywriting forum) you can add, such as audio, results, photos of the product, etc.

Eric,

Some excellent comments, and thank you for the compliments.

It is a lot of traffic, considering we launched about 6 weeks ago.

We don't have many affiliates (we haven't even had a chance to open up this program to all yet! It is coming very soon.) But we did have quite a lot of big guns moving this (and doing very well by it!)

It is ironic, but we are currently being interviewed now by a big name marketer that is asking more or less the same question... i.e. How did you launch so successfully in such an overcrowded market?

In respect to him and his interview, I have to wait to respond to your question here. Let it suffice that the product is really good (a kind of breath of fresh air), and carried a lot of its own weight - when it got into the hands of a big name, it just kind of snowballed from there.

There is obviously much more to it than that, but I am purposefully being very general in my response for now.

Well, to be honest, I am not doing this, the owner is. He is quite good with PPC - he has studied both GoogleCash by Chris Carpenter, and The Definitive Guide to Google Adwords by Perry Marshall, he also uses Adwords Analyzer. I really don't know all the keywords he has chosen. I do know though that the PPC traffic (for now because he hasn't refined it yet) is converting much less than our average - it is still profitable, but it is hurting the overall CR%... it is tough to use PPC well with the IM theme.

Mike, thanks for your internet marketing insights and experience here - excellent strategy considerations post.

Perhaps the increased sales for a stronger "cash back gift" type of guarantee would outweigh the eventual refund requests. But we have seen, in the vast majority of refund requests (I think it is at about 2% of all orders), they are coming from people that ordered the book just a few minutes earlier (and obviously had no time to read it). We strongly suspect that they simply wanted a free ebook... the owner is coming from a very grounded, and successful offline experience, and some of the absolutely crazy stuff we have seen with this online project riles and humors him (he even got an email from a priest that wanted a free copy because he didn't have any money to buy it! Now that was funny! ). I know he wouldn't go for such a guarantee especially in this IM theme where a lot of scoundrels abound...

I will go look at your elements of proof as this really interests me.

Ciao from HOT Italy,

Tim

Hybrid offers would solve many of those "quick-refund" types of pirates. Offer something to be mailed to the customer. Either download the bonuses and wait for the book by mail, or download the book and wait for the bonuses by mail, or on the download part, simply wait for a confirmation letter with detailed instructions on how to download the product (or the remainder of the product, if broken into 2 parts).

Why? 3 major reasons...


1. Hybrid offers are picking up a lot of steams these days. They answer 2 most common problems/needs. a) They provide the impulsive shopper with a product they can immediately download and consume, and b) they get a tangible product they can read "outside" the digital world.

The latter has many advantages and the reason they are becoming so wildly popular. For one, they provide what my friend Fred Gleeck calls the "Thud!" factor. Something tangible that cannot be erased, deleted (in a computer crash, for instance), ignored or forgotten in some hard drive. Plus, it gives people the ability to bring the book/tapes/CD with them wherever they go.

2. The delay in time while waiting for their product in the mail creates anticipation, and with the immediate download (with a good "stick" letter as Gary Halbert calls it) promotes product consumption and reduces cognitive dissonance (2nd thoughts).

But more important ...

3. Having a 2-part product (with a physical component) deters those famous six-second thieves -- they buy and then ask for a refund on avarage 6 seconds after they bought That is, the delay itself should deter them. But here's another point: they can't ask for a refund until and unless they return the physical component. (Dan Kennedy calls these "refund killers.")

Timothy,

I find Michel's post, comprehensive. (Referring to his first post, in particular).

Your low return rate indicates that you are not selling too aggressively, relative to your market.

Your return rate is direct feedback from your market.

Judging from your low return rate, there's room to push harder.

"In all honesty, the letter is aggressive - it is what ended up pulling the best in our testing. I made 22 versions..."

Pay attention to the obvious.

Peter Stone

Mike,

Thanks for the "refund killer" ideas! They fit very well with the direction we are going with this product and follow up products.

Peter,

Congratulations on your moderator status here - I just noticed (great choice Mike!).

In other words, the product is still keeping up with the copy, eh? I still have some accelerator space left?

Anyone have an idea where the refund % aggressivity red line is?

So if one's copy is really smokin' or too aggressive, and the product is flat, or simply doesn't live up to the copy, the 6-second thieves are joined by the masses in refund requests...

I guess I am really lucky to be writing for a Ferrari of a product!

Tim

Excellent tips Michel re hybrid products... thud effect, refund killers.. all makes sense... I've never sold an all-digital download type product (I use mine for lead generation) ... but if I do, it'll be a combination/hybrid approach with a mailed product as well (media/book/etc)... great tips

ken

Tim,

Some use 6% as the magic number. I use 4% as a flag that I need to pay very close attention. Your number may vary, especially if there are return shipping costs related to your rate of return, offended allys who promote your book to their lists and other variables.

"So if one's copy is really smokin' or too aggressive, and the product is flat, or simply doesn't live up to the copy, the 6-second thieves are joined by the masses in refund requests... "

"Masses" may be a strong word, but yes, you've got the idea exactly right.

A thief is a thief and a return is a return. The numbers assigned to each group can cross paths, but it may be important to keep them separate when you're looking for solutions.

If your return rate is 6% and 5% are thieves, then you may need a solution to the problem of thievery. If 5% are going to legitimately return the hard goods (lousy product) - that could be a different story, depending on the fulfillment and return shipping costs. If 2% are legitimate, electronically managed returns that cost you zip and offend your allys, that might be cause for action.


Peter Stone

Peter,

Excellent info, thank you!