right, so I have your attention

Can you have a look at this from your
copywriters hat, and give it to me all
guns blazing please !

Thank you in advance for your excellent
help and free advice:

http://www.totalwebseo.com

All the best,

Peter

Hi,

so here is my modeste vision hope just that help :

you based you announcement on YOU (you say my ) without introducing youself.

my question as a reader is who are you?

if you have any notority in this field make you headline based on that else, how to arg?.

'elite marketers' and my Search Engine optimization Tutorial is it yours or others work?

the question here is this method can give just 500 visitor or more if it can give more why to reduce it in 500 per day, you use iut many time at the end reader will believe thaat it is the limit that can give this method, try to explain it without number use picture, use comparaison.

what are the value of your bonus?

the number 500 is oiverused.

hope that help.

thank you so much for your review.

I do struggle on headlines - any suggestions ?

I have put back an intro video on 2 of my websites

I agree on 500 being a limiter, but was aiming this at newbies who
were struggling to do anything.

I dont want to give a figure that just seems impossible.

What I am promising is 500 visitors a day from the SEs in 30 days

It's a step by step video tutorial series (no one else has this)

My sites get between 500 and 14,000 visitors a day

Thanks again

loool, that's a BAD way to use attention...

people will learn NOT to read your posts.

Basic stuff.

"Attn: Webmasters; Finally, For The First Time, You Can Get My Foolproof Blueprint Showing How I Consistently Get Over 500 Free Visitors PER DAY From The Search Engines... In Just 30 Days From Launch !"

FINALLY REVEALED:

How You Can Legally And Ethically Get All The FREE TRAFFIC You Can Handle from the Same Search Engines You're Breaking The Bank Right Now To Pay For!

And How You Can Fully Exploit This Foolproof Finance Funnel In Only 30 Days!

Maybe something like that?

that's a cool headline

I've used it

and taken out the 500/day references

thanks you - excellent feedback

I was searching for "targeted" in the headline and couldn't find it. Not in the rest of the copy, either.

hi all again,

I have rejigged and formatted the piece - sales have really started to increase so I guess I am on the right track

Would appreciate any additional f/back


http://www.totalwebseo.com



Thanks

that a good news, now here is again my vision :

1) the title of the pop up may be changed.
2) the style of the letter tende to a friend talking, this is good make it more friendely and use empathy.

3) when you talk about frustration use the word that they use.

4)""... Watch Over My Shoulder", used and over used and it is not a realistic promise.

5)

don't give them the feeling that you urge thier order.

Please click here now to watch the videos and download all your bonus material it sound like "please give me your money".

don't give them the feeling that they are making you a favore if they bought but the invers I mean that you are the one who make the service.

hope that help.

PS: please feel free to look at this :

http://www.copywritersboard.com/viewtopic.php?t=2871

we are all a big familly hope that you can help us thank you.

The new headline is likely better, but there is a need for Unique ness that's missing. A second "Grabber" of some kind. Just step by step series is not enough. And the Weasel clauses need to be re-worded. They shout " I'm covering my butt and you guys are crooks" 98% of us hate being treated like that. Plus 15% avoid your offer because of it. Try higher price points. You might get better sales at 3 times the price. Tell them your raising the price next week, then raise it.