You bet your boots, cowboy!

Alright ladies and gentlement... here's the deal.

My wife publishes a homeschool newsletter called HS Report. A subscriber contacted me today and wants to run an ad for his "Health Benefits" business.

We agreed...

So, he sent me a PDF of a display ad. I quickly wrote the following classified ad. No charge for the write -- just doing the guy a favor.

Thought I'd run it past you guys and gals to see what you think -- how you'd tweak it.

Important points he wanted to emphasize:

- He's local
- He's a boardmember and VP of our local HS association
- He's a homeschool father

Here's the ad I wrote...

Thoughts? Improvements?

JP,

Unless I don't get it, I don't see how the headline fits with the copy. You say, "here's how..." but then don't explain "how" he fights back. What if the headline was more "you" oriented? Something like...

"With Healthcare prices rocketing out of control, you feel helpless. You want to fight back. Well now you can."

There's no logical (or otherwise) connection between the first sentence and the second.

the fact that he's a homeschool parent does not explain whether he's a professional on your side helping you to understand all your choices.

I don't think it's enough to just use the rapport/credibility of being a homeschool parent etc. You still need to explain how he will help.

HTH,

Jane

Slice... Dice... Ain't it nice!

OK -- let me work on it a bit...

Somebody wanna re-write this one?

No money in it for either of us.

JP
Some ideas... but longer than yours.


Don't wait for an unexpected crisis...
Give yourself the peace of mind that whatever illness or injury your family is facing, you have the health insurance to take care of their needs.

And with costs soaring to an all time high, there has never been a more important time for an in-depth review of your coverage.

Winfred Hodges, a local homeschool parent and TACHE Board member, is also a 23-year veteran of the industry. He has the professional expertise to guide you carefully through the bewildering options available. And to make sure that you are providing the protection your family needs... at the best possible price.

Wilfred will happily answer your questions on 1-800-857 6886.
Or visit online at http://www.hodgesbenefits.com to receive free information and a quote on health and dental insurance.

Janet

You're right...but the "homeschool parent" does need to be there if that's the target. Homeschoolers are like Masons...they stick together and it does give him credibility.

You're dead-on Eric!

I'm with Jane on the "connection" between header and ad copy... and WIIFM to the reader. So, I'll work on that a bit more.

But, I definitely want to emphasize the HS/TACHE connection.

In my opinion, I'd lose the

It sounds, and looks, like a spammer. Spammers have zero credibility.

Bailey

lol...

You're right! Didn't even think about it -- "FREE" as opposed to what... a PAID Quote and Information?

The word "free" spelled

is a SPAMMER technique. Anyone who receives more than 5 e-mails a week knows this. My 66-year-old mother knows this. Even my 4-year-old neice knows this.

Spell it right, or don't use it. Legitimate sellers use proper spelling. Otherwise you erode the credibility of the seller, it's as if he's standing there waving a big banner that screams,

"I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!!"

Why give the viewer a reason to click delete???

He's not spamming, right? He's offering a legitimate service or product? Then why stoop to spammer techniques to try to "trick" filters into thinking this legitimate content isn't spam? If the copy is well-worded and is offering something legitimate, it's not going to trip the filters.

And if it does end up reported somewhere, to your upstream, one of the things they are going to notice is how you are using "spammer spelling" in your messages. (We also call it "kiddie spelling," in honor of the script kiddies that like to compromise servers or spread worms for sport... they use the same spelling techniques.) That will count against you, and make your upstream leery of allowing you to keep your website online with them. Remember, once you're pinched for spamming, that follows you everywhere. Hosts check for spamming history and the reputable hosts will refuse to host anyone associated with spamming -- even if it wasn't your site that did the spamming! If you are associated with a site accused of spamming, that will put your supposedly "clean" sites at risk.

Don't give people a reason to doubt your credibility, it can lead to massive headaches ---

(Just a wee bit of advice from someone who's worked data center abuse desks )

Bailey