Hey there,

I just finished the first draft on a blackjack winning system site. Don't have testimonials yet, or bonuses.

I tried to be creative. I've been inspired by Rich Jerk type of creativity.

http://www.BlackJackNerd.com

Thanks in advance,
Cory

Cory,
Are you looking for buyers or just a critique?

I'm only asking this because your copy is rockin' my friend.

I've only just skimmed through, but so far, I love what I see.

Something I would like to know is:

Did you use a swipe file or template to create this?

Who have your studied in way of copywriting to create this piece?

Normally, we get folks wanting us to critique their copy "before" they know anything about copywriting, but this is definitely something worth "digging into".

When I get more time, I'll see if I can find anything that I can pick apart.

The only thing I see missing at this point is some good testimonials.

What can I say...you made my day Stephen...more like my year.

Coming from you that means a whole lot.

As far as using a template or swipe file...nope, I didn't use either.

I don't know what happened last night (I wrote the whole thing in about 8 hours), I just got into the ZONE.

A breakthrough for me lately has been becoming very aware of the "emotional aspects" of copywriting, and staying in the hot-pocket of the reader...keeping the copy flowing, tight, fast, energetically etc.

Not sure if that made much sense. Anyhow thanks for your compliment.

Awsome -- That's how I do it as well!

You get into a "mindset" (or zone as you call it) and you just let it flow!

Cory, I can tell you that for some folks, it comes naturally...

-- and for others it's knuckle-bustin' WORK!

If you've done this on your own, then you've got the GIFT my friend...

Keep going and never stop...

You might be the next Gary Halbert!

-- WAY TO GO!!!

Hey Cory

I agree with Stephen - great copy.

Makes total sense. The copy flow is excellent and really draws the reader in.

By the way, who is your target market?

You have a very strong guarantee. But you include a sentence about making $100 or you get your money back, both in the guarantee and in the PS. I think it would be better to leave this out - just have the "if you're not satisfied, no-questions-asked 100% refund - if that's what you'll stand by. That would be very powerful.

I'm sure you'll test different price points, but $47.77 seems low. I understand that it's your introductory offer; but saying your product is worth $5,000 and selling it for less than $50 seems a little extreme.

There are a couple of grammar/spelling things, but I'm sure you'll pick them up on a read through.

Good luck with this. Feels like it will do well. I want to buy it - I like Black Jack although I'm not much of a gambler - and I think my son would find it interesting.

You have a great knack as a copywriter.

Janet

Wow! You rock NerdMan!

Are you sure you didn't pay anybody to write this??? It's just so damn good...

Please keep us posted on the results when you start advertising it.

I have to agree with everyone. This copy is really good.

Yes very nice copy.

I'd only say two things.

Make the header smaller so it doesn't distract from the headline.

In your call to action or in your PS near the end add in something along the lines of...

"In just a few days you could be making $365 in just one night like the blackjack nerd..."

Also a yours sincerely,
your name and your signature at the bottom of the letter before the PS would be nice.

Assuming you wrote this if you're looking for more copy please feel free to email me.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

FREE Copywriting Course Online

Nice...

The USP is solid and the copy is nice and slippery.

Outside of the copy:

You had better get an earnings disclaimer and privacy policy posted on the site before launching....No need to get the FTC involved in what would be a great selling product.

I'd suggest also doing a namesqueeze page set up....

Offer them a free mini-course or report or something...or maybe a couple of chapters from the book itself....

Just so you can follow up with them and whatnot.

This may NOT be needed...have never dealt with that market, so don't know.

But look at it this way:

You give them like 2 chapters from your book...even if they don't buy right away they read it, test out the ideas....do good with them and then HAVE TO buy the book to get the rest of the information.

I think it's VERY effective with markets like this where they can read something and apply it that night say to see if it works.

Then the next day when they get the email from you they are happy to buy and glad they came through your site.

Anyhow, nice copy!

-Dave

Your copy... at least your cross-heads... are a "Who's Who of Headlines." Really recognizable stuff that ANYONE can get out of good copywriting book or off the list of "Top 100 Headlines, Ever!"


But... that's a good thing.

I credit you for it... not discredit.

A mistake I personally see so many copywriters make is trying to completely reinvent the wheel, er, copy. When there's proven stuff that works!

Worked then. Works now!

BRAVO, you've got one heck of a sales page there...

and...

targeted at one of the most rabid markets ANYWHERE.

What more can you ask for?

OK, here are a couple of things -- since you asked for a crit.

(disclaimer: All are simply my opinions!)

1) Proof... don't see any. Testimonials (as mentioned), screen shots of you making $367 night after night after night. Heck even some photos of you at a computer with the blackjack screens up in front of you. Help me believe you are REAL -- I already want to, I just need proof.

2) Price point... I would test to see where you get max orders. It could be higher than what you've set. Who knows.

3) Reason why (connected to your price point): To me your reason why... left me saying, "Yeah, yeah... it's an ebook, so it doesn't cost you much. But, if it's so darn good, why's it so cheap."

I'm not saying I'm right -- but I would certainly split test some pricepoints.

Again... bravo! You've done extremely well.

Please share back with the board your results when you finally launch and test.

Also (can't help myself)...

I'm a big JV'er so I suggest you get in touch with Jason Moffatt (he's on the board here). He has a list of gamblers. Also, I think Gary Halbert has a list.

Also... what's your big-ticket back-end for this $47 product?