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  #11 (permalink) Old
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Default 04-26-2006, 05:56 PM

Nice job, Cory!

Just a few comments...

I agree with JP that you need more proof (testimonials).

Saying you "pull in an average of $367 every night" sounds fairly impressive, but then you say "I've never seen it fail...ever!" Seems to me that if that second part is true, you'd be winning a heck of a lot more than $367 per night.

In general, you might want to emphasize more that anyone can use your system. Some folks might think they need to be "nerds," good at math, and/or card-counting to do what you do. If that's not the case, you might want to spell that out more clearly.

Also, how do casinos feel about your system? Can someone be "caught" using it, and if so, be banned? You might want to cover that potential concern of your customers.

And last but not least, why are you sharing such a remarkable system? If you're able to make money virtually at will by playing Blackjack, you don't need to sell an ebook. And by speading your system around to potentially thousands of Blackjack players (especially amateurs), aren't you putting your system at risk? (Assuming it's something casinos might crack down on if they found out about it.) I think this could be a common question for your site visitors, so you might want to address it.

But again, very nice job, Cory... you definitely have a talent for writing!
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  #12 (permalink) Old
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Default 04-26-2006, 07:26 PM

Wow. This is really good.

The only thing I could recommend is:

- You could strengthen your proof up front to get them to keep reading. I mean, why should they believe that you've stumbled on the "geek strategy" to winning? Why should they keep reading?

- You may want to end your letter with a closing with your signature. But testing rules all.

- Use takeaway selling. Why should they buy NOW?

- Capture their email address for follow-up selling. You can sell them over and over (as long as you provide great content along the way). A mini-course or newsletter works well here. Give 'em something for nothing.

- Testimonials and proof - You have none. And that is your biggest shortcoming. Find a way to put case studies and testimonials in your sales latter. That's a big omission that's gonna cost you.

- I hope you're doing joint ventures to promote this. Because that's the best way to a windfall of profits in the short-term and long.

- Make sure you market this offline as well as online. You'll get double or triple the profits you'll get for online alone (if you don't believe me, ask JP Maroney and others here).

- Great bullets and guarantee: that will only help you!

- Nice embedded story - That's the key, and it will usually help you.

But overall, a great sales letter. In fact, this is one of the best I've seen as of late. I think you'll do fine here.

All the best,

John
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  #13 (permalink) Old
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Default 04-26-2006, 11:05 PM

I love the copy, but please fix the typo in the headline. The word "devastatingly" is misspelled.

Also, I wouldn't be likely to spend money from someone who doesn't already have a good reputation without some proof, so I totally agree about the testimonials, and I think it wouldn't hurt if you had other ways of building trust with the readers as well. Because it will be hard to prove that your testimonials are legitimate - anyone can say they won a lot of money.

But obviously, you've got a lot going for you here! Good copy whether you skim or read more thoroughly.

Janet
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  #14 (permalink) Old
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Default 04-26-2006, 11:22 PM

If you really want good proof get someone teach them how to do it.

Record their results and adapt your sales letter from this person's perspective.

How much they made using your system.

Also if you joint venture with people who have targeted lists you could do the same thing.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

FREE Copywriting Course Online
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Default 04-26-2006, 11:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cartoonman


Also if you joint venture with people who have targeted lists you could do the same thing.

I said it first... did too... did too!
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