Hi Guys,

As you'll see I am a 100% newbie at this. My background is in Gemology and retail jewelry/diamond sales.

The site purpose is that of an affiliate. The target market is:

24 to 36 year old males. My research has shown the online diamond buyer to be 85 to 90% male.

I would appreciate any suggestions you might have on how I can improve on what I already have. Even if it means scrapping it all and starting over.

Thank You,

Jim

http://www.bizzmarketing.com

Hi Jim,
Well, where do we start?

First, I would like to say that you definitely have a good start by knowing who your target market is.

One of the biggest mistakes that many folks have, is not knowing whom they are even selling to.

I could do a complete makeover of your sales page, but for now, let's talk about your headline...

Diamonds On The Internet

Your headline is virtually nonexistent. It does nothing but take up space.

It does nothing for your visitors.

It needs to have the biggest benefit for your particular market -- It needs to be compelling.

Focus specifically on the key problem of your target market or the main benefit that you are offering your target market.

Some will tell you that your headline's job is to simply make you read the rest of the ad copy, but I believe it should do so much more.

You want your headline to be so compelling that it causes your visitor to say, WOW!..."I really need to read this" or "I might lose something of great value if I don't read what this has to say!"

There are so many different variations and formats you can use (this all depends on your target market).

You can use a "question" headline, such as:

What Is That One Special Gift That Makes Every Woman Fall Madly In Love With Any Man - Don't Be The Last One To Know This Little Known Secret!

Disclaimer: I just want you to know that these headlines I'm using are for illustration purposes only and suck rotten eggs, so take them for what their worth.

I will say that the headline is one of the most important parts of your copy and may require a lot of tweaking & changing to get it right for your target market to stop and take notice.

In fact, some copywriters spend almost as much time writing out their headlines as they do writing the entire sales page...

Yes, it's that important!

Remember this when creating your ad...

-- The idea is to grab your readers "ATTENTION"

Alright onto another a couple more headline formats --

***How to***

"How To Make A Million Dollars Per Year As An Online Gemologist
Without Ever Risking One Penny Of Your Own Money"

"How To Buy Million Dollar Businesses With No Money Down"

"How To Make A Woman's Heart "Melt" like butter and love you forever"

“Have You Ever…?”
“Do You Want To…”

-- Do you see the benefits in these headlines?

*** News Headline ***

If your prospect is more into "investments" than he is in pleasing his sweetheart, then a news headline might be what you are looking for...

"Largest Diamond Importer On The Internet Is Liquidating It Entire Stock Of "Certified" High-Quality Diamonds At 80% Off, But You Must Hurry - Inventory Is Running Out!"

(I told you my headlines suck)

When speaking to your audience, use POWERFUL, EMOTIONAL, COMPELLING, and BENEFICIAL words -

Your reader should understand your message the instant he sees it!

Keep your words simple, but powerful.

Use "emotional" triggers…

-- people buy what they WANT, not what they NEED. They buy because of how the product or service will make them FEEL.

Most people buy with their "hearts" not with their "brains" or by logical thinking.

If you find yourself constantly thinking about the "features" of a product or service instead of the actual "benefits" you can turn features into benefits by using the WTMTYI method...

-- WTMTYI is an abbreviation for “what that means to you is…”

For every feature your product has, say to yourself “what that means to you is…” and complete the sentence.

Here's an example:
“This home has four large luxurious bedrooms..."

-- and what that means to you is:

1. you’ll have plenty of room for your entire family to enjoy a better, enjoyable lifestyle.

2. your kids will do better in school because they each have their own comfortable room to sleep in.

3. your wife will want to make passionate love to you every night because she now feels you've made a smart decision in buying this wonderful home

4. you'll sleep better and make more money at work with your more relaxed living environment.

Now an observation about your ad copy:

Don't focus on what your product is or how great your company is.

Your copy should only consist of What's in it for "them".

There is a theme that flows throughout your entire sales page...

-- do you know what it is?

The entire copy is all about how great the Blue Nile diamond retailer is.

In three sections, your copy explains how the Blue Nile is the largest diamond retailer on the Internet.

Twice you mention that Blue Nile company is GIA and AGS certified.

Sure, some of this probably needs to be "interwoven" into your copy, but it needs to be done in a more subtle way.

Remember earlier what I said about features and benefits in your headline?

Try and do the same for your ad copy as well and you'll make vast improvements.

Well, it's getting late and I must go to bed, so I'll leave it at this for now.

I'm sure there are others here who would like to make comments.

I'll check back tomorrow and see if I can give you some more help.

Stephen,

Thank you very much. That's precisely what I need. Everything you say jogs my memory as to what little copy training that I've had.

Thanks again,

Jim

Also consider putting benefit-laden bullets in your copy as well, with the most important ones (to your audience) at the top of the list.

I found a great resource of articles on writing copy that might be of interest to you:

http://www.kingofcopy.com/tips/tiparchives.html

I hope this helps.

Here's an excellent "must read" from David Frey, one of my Houston area neighbors.

This is one of the best (and very thorough) articles I've found as far as checklists go:

http://www.marketingprofs.com/2/frey2.asp

Thanks David!

I'll be curious to see if the recommendations work.

If I was shopping for diamonds online, I would run -- quickly -- from a long, Every Word Is Capitalized used-car-salesman shleppy sort of headline.

If I am looking to establish credibility with a buyer about a topic that requires unquestionable credibility, I highlight the features, then point out the benefits.

Yes, this is bass-ackwards.

There is a time and a place for being a used-car salesman. The key is knowing when to use which kind of approach. This will be an unpopular opinion, but I would argue that this is one of the times not to use the used-car techniques.

(Sorry Stephen!)

Bailey

I don't agree with the used car saleman crack , but I will say this...

With the specialized online diamond market, you better be damn good at writing copy.

Is it do-able?

Yes, I believe so, but...

Diamonds are one of those commodities that requires the product to be seen, touched, tasted... at least for me it is.

One more thing --

Even with a solid money-back guarantee, unless you have complete faith in the company, it's going to be tough.

-- And what about the company?

How do they feel about sending out an expensive $6,000.00 diamond to a customer and getting back the same stone if the customer doesn't like the quality (ie - the old switcheroo technique)?

Not trying to sound negative about the product, just some "what if" thoughts from a very cautious consumer.

-- Something to think about when writing this adcopy.

The used-car-salesman line wasn't referring to you Stephen it was referring to the technique. Sorry Stephen.

Bailey

Hello again Stephen,

I agree that you have to be good at ad writing if you're selling diamonds online. However, I'm not gonna give up and start selling cars just yet

Bailey, if you see this I'm just kidding.

Six years ago most of us in the ratail diamond business (bricks and mortar) were laughing at the so called online diamond sellers. Well, the laugh was on us. Blue Nile did over 200 million in 2005 with a GPM of 33%.
Most retailers average about 40%.

Stephen, you're so correct about seeing, feeling, tasting the product. Most customers still want to do this but the younger internet savvy person will buy online in a heartbeat.

These guys obviously have complete faith in the company to Pony up over 200 million to one seller.

As far as switching a diamond, this would not be in the customers best interest. The seller charges the customers credit card before shipping and the stones are checked before shipping and upon return if the customer is not happy with the purchase.

Yes, yes, I know. How does the seller or the buyer know if it's the same diamond? Well. that's why I pointed out (Two times) that all diamonds are graded by the GIA or the AGS laboratories. Most of these reports have numbers Laser inscribed on the girdle (side) of the stone.

The ones that are not Laser inscribed have a plot of the internal inclusions. This combination makes it virtually impossible to switch a diamond.

Well, I guess I've rambled enough about the subject and not much about the copy writing. I think I'll go work on that. And I'm still very much open to suggestions.

Anyone hear Michael on his teleseminar last night. Very sharp Gentleman.

Thanks Again,

Jim