The audio buttons are not updated yet, but here it is ...

http://SuccessDoctor.com/projects/hc/speaker.htm

interesting concept!

-excellent headline and subhead, wouldn't change a word..

-make her sig file graphic a little less bold-blue,

-hmm what does aggressively limited mean? I'd use instead
a club/insiders/platinum type of hook for that..
you can't "limit aggression" ..?

-hey you'll be there? (offtopic: gee maybe I should attend too.. I was
born in Long Beach, have family there..)

-but wait, hmm a weeklong cruise? maybe 3 days is enough, a week is asking a lot .. maybe a thursday through tue?

-"Our 11 Expert Coaches Have Over 100 Solid Years.." always a good hook to combine years, I'd use a non-even number vs 100, as in have 117 hours...

- i like the "coaching cruise" inclusion in s/h's, is an interesting hook/concept on it's own..

- but, change this one:
Is The Coaching Cruise Right For You? Then Let Me Ask You...

How do I know if it's right for me? You have to pitch it to me, let me come to that self-sold conclusion... eg instead I'd use something like:

"Here's 3 Quick Questions You Can Ask Yourself to Help you Decide if This Coaching Cruise Is the Ideal Solution For You..."


-the big red "Expert #1" is not good.. not enough information and is a self-promo vs benefit... I'd use a mini headline, as in:

Featured Coach #1 - SELL IT with Help from Your Copy Doctor ...

Featured Coach #2: MARKET Better with Help from Ted...

etc.. (a bunch of red "experts" is a red flag wording... I'd focus on benefit statement headers instead in those jboxes)

I like the bonus string, very professionally written..

The itinerary is good, maybe add some graphic hook in there somehow, vs simply tables.. (coach icon/ship icon/party icon?) plus a benefit string in each day's box .. What You'll Be Learning Nov 14th: etc..

- red flag the 1,000 gift certificate seems like a come-on type of fluff/filler bonus, I'd rather have something value-add like a 20-minute phone call with one ("Choose Your Favorite...and Get a Solid 20 Minute Call ...) of the coaches, as a bonus, vs 1000 of coupons..

Excellent letter, Michel, one of your better recent ones.... makes me want to sign up, so that's good.


Ken

btw this is an excellent way for anyone else on the forum to improve your copywriting skills, eg by doing fast critiques of other sites, looking for things to improve.... it's easy to find things to improve on non-professionally written sites... much more challenge to find areas for improvement when the copy's written by a professional of Mike's calibre... and hence more rewarding... to look for eg how to add finishing touches, improvements to top-written pieces... so a win win for everyone ... Mike gets some new ideas, and I/others, get to brush up copy chops by looking for ways to improve copy, with specifics...

thx Mike for putting these projects up for us to critique.. it helps me improve my skills, both by learning from your copy, and by seeing what I'd do with it as well. I'd encourage everyone to do similar things, to walk a mile in the shoes, to scrub/work/critique copy, constantly, to help learn the craft. Great stuff.

Mike,

I haven't had time to read the copy, but I love the concept.

What I would do is change the background blue colour to something more nautical or holiday based - maybe a blue sky, or a colour similar to the one used on this forum only lighter - to invoke the sense of inviting tropical tradewinds and sunny days relaxing on deck.

HTH,

Jane

Something like this, Jane? http://www.wealthysecrets.net


Peter Stone

Peter,

Yes, something like that - but it's still not quite right. I'm not sure if it should be an image of a flaming and vermillion sunset, or just a different shade of blue or wispy clouds on a blue sky, or ocean waves gently lapping at a beach.

But whatever it is, I suggest that it make me (the reader) feel warm, comforted, comfortable and relaxed. Aaaah - I can smell the sea breeze, I can imagine dolphins frolicking in the ocean up ahead, I can smell the good food and wine, and I'm looking forward to learning a lot that can help my business, but I'll probably also want to make a working holiday out of it. At the ticket price, this is going to appeal to people whose businesses are doing well, or who have access to finance in order to improve their business - so it is not your usual $39.97 ebook kind of offer.

Therefore, I would humbly suggest that it needs overseeing by a professional designer - and I mean designer (someone with a background in print or graphic design), not an html coder.

I know you guys think that copy is everything, but I will never be able to agree with that. You have to understand the subconscious and visceral level at which design works. No, on its own, it wont sell, but if you've got a good message in a crap design, then you are damaging the image of your business or the credibility of your offer.

Peter - I find the design and copy at the top of your page a bit overwhelming. There seems to be a lot going on, and my eye is not quite sure where to go first. Also, I've been on the internet for over 8 years, and I've been feverishly studying and investigating it for the past 5 years, and I still have no idea whatsoever what an ad tracker is! Now, that might just be me (because I'm not much of an advocate of internet advertising), but might other people feel similarly overwhelmed by that? Just a thought.

And here's an interesting experiment that I didn't know I was carrying out on myself. I was reading a publication on design for direct response advertising, at the back of which is a collection of advert styles. Without editing myself (because I didn't know I was conducting the experiment at the time), I found myself (or my eyes) always drawn to the image first. No doubt this is utterly obvious to anyone who's been in direct response marketing for any length of time, but for those that haven't, might this imply that you put your most important words next to a picture? Some might argue that this is a reason not to use a picture (and this approach has certainly been tried and not always succeeded). I would argue that people do respond to design (most likely subconsciously), and therefore one needs to produce a competent, quality design that capitalises on this propensity for people's eyes to be drawn to pictures first and headlines second.

Thoughts anyone?

Just to clarify, I don't have anything to do with the business end of that page. It is simply a sample of the color, blue. If I sound a bit emphatic, the owner of that site has his hands full at the moment, with a few complaints.

Ad tracker. It is as stated. Used as a general term, trackers count behaviors. That includes, but certainly is not limited to click throughs or how many people clicked on your ad. If you have a google ad and an overture ad, you'll want to track them from source to sale, so you'll know which source is more productive. You can also check copywriting this way.

Beyond ad trackers, you can track how many minutes someone stayed on which page of your site, how far they scrolled down the page, Where they came from, where they went after leaving your page, what page of your site is "causing" people to leave, what portion of what page people click away from... The details from tracking can be impressive and informative.


Peter Stone

Peter,

Thanks for the info. I thought you could get all that info from your webstats?

Did you mean that the guy has his hands full with complaints because people don't like his product?

Jane

You can get some information from your log files, but the interface on the "store bought" is more pleasant to use and the information you can collect is remarkable.

Timothy Warnock works for a company that sells one. www.clickalyzer.com is more than an ad tracker.

As far as complaints, they are varied and he's trying to work things out with people right now. I don't get the impression that he's dishonest, but maybe a bit of a poor manager.


Peter Stone

Carlos is a friend and lives just a few hours from me. (He actually visited me last week.) Very nice guy. Very honest, too.

Recently, he outsourced his customer service with a company in India, based on a recommendation from another "well-known marketer." This includes handling queries (phone calls and emails), managing affiliate payouts, processing refunds, etc.

Turns out, the company is second rate, people barely know English, they are disorganized and careless, and more.

I personally don't know the whole story, but Carlos is pretty P.O.'ed right now.

Yikes! Good lesson for the rest of us. I have just been reading a new success interviews book, and probably THE MOST important thing that these stunningly successful entrepreneurs all share as CRITICAL to their businesses is customer support.

They all practically yell, "Do not skimp on customer support! Make it the best part of your business!"

Yes - I am actually a partner to SmarTracking. It is at http://www.smartracking.biz (has nothing to do with clickalyzer though).

Jane if you want to see how it works, I'll give you a month for free - that way you can see the differences of having good tracking and digging through your logs. Just let me know.

All the best,

Tim