I just finished this copy last week.

What do you think of this copy? It's pulling "so-so" right now, but I want to beef it up. How about the videos in the middle? Would you register to see them? Should the form be up further? Lower? What about order links and calls to action? What about the headline and lead?

http://SuccessDoctor.com/projects/sb/

Hi Mike,

Tough sale...

Passionate topic, but tough to get folks to put out more money on something that is a real pain in the butt. Kind of like trying to sell a giant fence because jerks keep throwing trash on your lawn everyday of the year, and there is no way to stop them. You'd rather buy a shotgun...

No matter how good your copy is, you'll have this hurdle.

Would another approach perhaps be better, I'm just winging it, but...

The more you succeed online, the more SPAM tries to dangerously undermine your success by stealing your precious time, and the situation is NOT getting any better. Take matters into your own hands now with/by...

----

This is just to give you a possible flavor, I didn't even try to turn it into copy. I would consider hitting them harder with the fact that SPAM IS a problem they will have to address (and is NOT going away) - and it seems to grow and get worse the more you succeed.

I hope this sparks some ideas for you.

All the best,

Tim

Ok first impressions..

Headline:
---the "that other programs miss" was a hook..
---directly, underlined, is weak, what does "directly" mean? nothing..
---I'd be more interested in "automatically", "quickly", "instantly"

Body:
- I don't like the big 1-2-3 red numbers, overwhelming, noisy
- picture of a guy and his family does nothing for me, substitute screencap of a typical inbox with a bunch of crap in it..
-The "how much is spam costing me" calculator is Terrific -- move higher in copy.. presents a compelling case... it did to me..
-statistics are weak and uncompelling, we already know the numbers. focus on what's in it for me if I buy your product, more directly instead

Subheads:
- ok those are fine, they progress the story, the chute


-what's up with the guy with a baby again? Babies don't sell anti-spam software. Really. Show me instead, me -- in other words , use a photo of a guy frustrated, holding his head in hands, looking at a cluttered inbox full of spam, type of photo..


-and Another family photo?? hmm ok I see linkage of, spam takes me away from family, but that's too far of a reach, avoid family photos..


-decoding/stripping function, ok now you're getting my attention, finally..
best part after the computer.. in other words, I want the details/functions/benefits..

-move a button to "7 free videos" to high in body copy, ideally as a subline to main headline.. as in:

"Headline... yada yada..
And see it in action now, instantly with these 7 new videos .... keep reading... (whatever transition phrase)..
"


guarantee graphic too bold, you're highlighting the "hey there's money" part of this picture, instead of the visualizing, hey I've got less spam" part of it.. substitute a photo of a clean vs cluttered mailbox (that's an ace idea)

"grab a massive discount.." -- great copy

too many different photo choices for payment type -- just use visa/mc/paypal pix..



Ok that's my 5-minute critique... it helps me sharpen my copy chops, by just posting my immediate thoughts ... so thanks for sharing... hope that's useful.. thinking out loud..


ken

Hi Mike,

I think that you've done a great job of agitation and illustrating the
features/functions and accompanying benefits.

Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see anything that addresses INSTALLATION
of the software -- How easy it is to install and operate.etc.

I think that when selling software a limited time DEMO works better
than any kind of description that you can give. Once the client has
the program on his computer and has become accustomed to using
it, they basically sell themselves.

I don't know if it will be possible to provide such a demo.

Also I don't think that all the "family pictures" provide the correct
atmosphere to sell this type of product. They just don't support
the TONE of the letter--Anger, frustration, overwhelmed, irritated ..
I need a solution now!!

Just my 2 cents ..

Regards,

Ray Edwards