Hi All,

I'm new to this board and so far have found some real solid information.
I've been involved with Internet marketing for about 2 years now and
always wrote my own copy but never hired out myself.

My very first website/salesletter/product was:

http://www.noclicktrafficsecret.com

This sold over $25,000. Not bad for a first try. The letter really did well
if I must say this myself.

Now I want to venture into writing copy for others. I LOVE the
science/artform and there is nothing like being paid to do what
you love.

Here is my first draft for my CopyWriting service. Be glad to
get some feedback.

(Of course the testimonials will be added later.)

Love this forum :P

Thanks for your time and expertise.

Ray Edwards

Well,

My post has been sitting here for a week without one
reply. Thought that I'll post a reply myself and see
if the "bandwagon effect" will work.

Do I have to change my name to Michael Fortin to
get a response around here?

Here is a copy I just did:

http://instantgraphicsgenerator.com

Thanks for any comments.

Ray Edwards

Hey Raydel,

i dont know why anyone hasn't responded as yet,
but before you get angry remember people on this forum are in the same boat as you living real busy lives, noone means any disrespect to you..i looked at your website and i personally think the copy is pretty brillaint!! (im not trying to beg friends here anyone disagree with me feel free!)

But all i know is when i read through that copy it made ME want to buy it LOL!

(maybe the reason, noones replying is that there is that they find nothing to critizise?..I hope thats not the case because we should have balance praise along with critisim dont u agree ?

the way i see it praise is the fuel that gets you moving, and critism is like the oar that keep you on the right path..

P.S HEY FORUM,, this is my first post nice to meet you all ive read every post on this site now for months and feel honared to be amongst so many experts and very knowledgeable people..- i have seen many diffrences of opinion that have stimulated greatly in deph arguments and answers-- long may it continue! and i just hope everyone can control thier tempers cause this is a ground breaking site...hey i guess someone could write a Cutting edge e-book from all the knowledge on this site!! (opps dam i really need to keep my ideas to myself..

Have a nice day everyone..

jason

Hi Jason,

Thanks for your time in responding. I notice that forum
has less posts than others that I frequent. I guess that
it's a matter of quality over quantity.

Thanks for your opinions of the copy .. and I'm not really
angry-- just alittle impatient maybe.

Regards,

Ray Edwards

Hi Ray,

Sorry I haven't replied sooner - I think, as Jason mentioned, most everyone here is SWAMPED!

I took a quick look at your site - I only have time to comment on the Pre headline and Headline...

BTW Not bad at all...and I know what it's like to get so close to a project that everything blurs...

Your Pre-Headline:

Breaking News: Introducing The Internet’s First And Only Complete Website Graphics Software! Generate Your Entire Website Graphics In Less Time Than It Takes To Eat Dinner And Without Ever Needing To Spend A Fortune...

-----

What does first graphics software mean? So? You haven't demonstrated your benefit yet to make this clear. Can you find a way to describe this product in a way that clearly states its benefit?...

For example...

BREAKING NEWS: You will increase your sales with professional graphics.
This is a proven fact. Your opportunity to create YOUR OWN stunning graphics for ALL aspects of your site just became possible with the internet’s first and only complete dummy proof website graphics software!

Then your headline:

“At Last! You Can Now Quickly And Easily Create Your Own Stunning eCovers, Headers, Footers, Buttons And Banners All At The Same Time With Just A Few Easy Clicks...Brand New All-In-One Graphics Generating Software Spits Out UNLIMITED Professional-Looking Graphics For Your Websites Without Breaking The Bank!”

Again, your only benefit here is at the end "without breaking the bank", but in my opinion this isn't strong enough, you first have to give them some powerful benefits that come in your copy only later - put them right up front in your headline. This is how I would do it:

Create Stunning, Professional Web Site Graphics For ALL Your Needs, Banners, eCovers, Headers, Footers, Buttons, And Banners That Will Increase Your Sales Even Dramatically, With Connect-The-Dots Simplicity That Even A Child Could Follow, And A Shoestring Budget Can Afford!

See what I mean? I think this locks them in much better and sets the stage for the rest of your copy to follow. Testing will tell you if I'm right or wrong.

I hope this helps.

Timothy Warnock

Ray,

You say...

The start of the above raised the question for me...
"is it really the webs only?" To the extent I jumped on Google and had a look!

Plus I dont like your illustration. What has eating dinner got to do with designing graphics? Use an illustration closer to the point and one that'll hit your message home.

I think this would be better...

Who Wants Professional Looking Graphics Fully Optimized For Your Site Without Spending Months Learning The Complex Tasks Of Photoshop Or Other Imaging Software? Its Easy. One Click. Save It. Load It. Done!

Or something like...

Thanks Alan, Tiomothy ...

All the suggestions that you made would not apply to my ORIGINAL
copy but those changes were made by the client.

Now that I have some more expert agreement, maybe I'll be
able to convince him to make the changes.

I think that when a client is so emotionally attached to his/her
product he/she forgets that the customer doesn't share that
excitement but just want so know WIIFM.

A great part of the headline (as it now stands) doesn't pass the
"So what?" test --- I guess when the product is finally released some
test results may work the needed magic.

A doctor can only prescribe; cannot take the medication for the
patient.

Regards,

Ray Edwards

Hi Ray, I saw your no click traffic secret ebook and got interested on it, but there were some little issues in your copy that "pushed" me to click away... take this as a little and honest critique for your sales copy, though I am an amateur copywriter still:
1. You aren't offering any kind of literall guarantee, this makes me to think that you are not very confident about your product
2. You aren't telling me or giving me an idea of how much traffic *I* can deliver to my website and in how much time

Now, going to the critique part, here are some points that may want to consider to "polish" your copy:
1. Your headline is too bland and a bit vague, you may want to try this instead:

"How I Effortlessly Got 5,743 Hits To My Website In Just 3 Little Weeks... Without Spending A Single Buck! My Secret Is..."

2. You mentioned a "And boy are you going to be a happy camper when you see this?"... I would change that, what if your reader is a woman? Don't be a gender offender

3. State the bonus in your body copy. Not many will bother to click on the link specially if it tells "The $1,085 Megadeal Internet Tools Package!!", is a bit hypey, so you may want to change the bonuse title, sometimes less is more.

4. Put your signature just before your PS, it adds some more credibility and lets people know who you are, btw, good work on following a tip suggested in the forum, which is to put your scanned signature right below your headline.

5. Try to add some more emotion... Besides telling facts, figures, and details about your product try to add the direct benefits for your prospect. But not, don't tell your reader they will get tons of traffic, tell her that they will substantially increase her profits and grow her internet business with a minimal investment and virtually no effort from her part.

6. I guess that your target market consists of internet business owners and affiliate marketers, which fit the "boss" personality type. You should include less details and add more results benefits for this type of personality type.

I hope this is of use to you.
Greetings.

Hi "air248",

Thanks for the candid critique.

The sales letter is now in a 'repair' mode because I'm working
on updating the ebook. that is why I removed the normal
money-back guarantee that I had before.

Also the link towards the "bonus" is really a second chance to
make a sale with that website.

But I think that you are tight about the headline--I'll try yours
and see what the result is. The letter has converted up to
8% from FFA traffic, so it has paid for itself!

Thanks for the gender awareness-- first person to point that out.
(I still use the generic "he" "him" even though its not considered
politically correct.)

Thanks again for your time. When I've completed the update of
the ebook I'll send you a complimentary copy.

Regards,

Ray Edwards