Perhaps you can help (anyone/everyone's ideas are very welcome!)...

I've just spent the morning creating this salesletter's above-the-fold copy for my upcoming live training room guest trial here:

http://www.daytradinguniversity.com/

and in detail, at:

http://www.daytradinguniversity.com/...ading-room.htm


I know from testing that my traders respond to flash buttons (we like bright shiny things, being visual traders lol), so that's why they're there.

I've moved the nav buttons to the bottom of main index.htm page so the reader doesn't get distracted/click off my main piece.

It's a dual lead-generation/trial generation piece for the live room (I do these once every 3 months).

I'd appreciate any candid comments re improving it, especially in:

-headline/subhead wording
-call to action clear enough?
-visuals/nav too busy?/what to edit
-testimonials ok/ideas?


thanks, copywriters!


ken

wordsmithing: "secret/revealed" is overused in my industry, so I use proprietary instead (otherwise I'd use that)

I used an if/then in the superhead? /above main headline..ideas?

optin process/overcomplicated.. but I have a simple form mail for my house list to use ... not expecting a lot of non-house list drop ins, so shouldn't be too complex..

Hi Ken,

Very quick comments - I haven't read the piece, just the first few sentences, and skimmed the rest.

1) I found this simile distasteful; but I am from a different culture and aggressive american day traders might like it.

2) You refer to a 767 pilot trainer as training the "Top Guns" but I was under the impression that Top gun was a term referring to Navy or Air Force pilots, rather than civil pilots.

3) I find the design overwhelming - it's confusing and cramped.

Ken - these comments are a matter of my own taste. To put comment 3 into context, Jim Edwards is someone I kinda like, but his websites are atrocious. I can't stand being on them for more than about 10 seconds at a time, and I don't bother reading them because I just feel so overwhelmed by the cramped, over-cooked feeling I get. He uses all the typical techniques - big text, yellow highlighted backgrounds, johnson boxes etc, but I just find it too difficult to deal with. I don't have a lot of time, and I'm not going to subject myself to wading through his stuff when there are plenty of other people I can read on the same subject.

The point is this - I'm absolutely convinced that following this "received" wisdom about designing websites around sales letters is bogus. Websites are websites, not sales letters, and they require a different treatment. I suspect most succeed in spite of this type of design and not because of it.

Bottom line - if I was a potential client, I would feel better if it didn't feel so cramped, rushed and overwhelming. It jars my nerves.

But again - my thoughts may not be relevant to your market.

Hi Jane, thanks for replying. I understand your thoughts perfectly. But again, like ace copywriters say, "we don't write to win journalism prizes, we write to Sell". So the jarring type approach works astonishingly well, I've found, when executed correctly, eg message-to-market match, as kennedy says.

Like they say, "Jerry Springer" and "National Enquirer" are the most-watched/most-read media. They're not PBS. But they sell.

People like the out of the ordinary. The un-boring. And the copy that appeals to their needs, with hooks, benefits, credibility and risk removal.

Here's an email I'm sending out as we speak to my house list, what do you all think? I'm trying to write more like Kennedy/Fortin/Carlton/Halbert from now on, for the rest of my natural life. Hopefully I'll start to approach the "zing" and readability/appeal of those folks someday... thoughts, everyone?

I'm using bonuses, ps's, calls to action, and secret hook in the close. Desired outcome is email response, indicating interest in trialing the live room, which then converts them into paid subscribers.

===========================


Dear John,

Ever seen a fire-breathing trader? How about a market that zooms around with
astonishing volatility from one day to the next?

That's exactly what you've been seeing if you've followed the Nasdaq on it's
merry journey this last 11 trading days -- just look at the charts for TASR,
ERTS JBLU AA NOK. Those are sweet charts for day trading, right?

There's a trading lesson in it. And opportunity.

Now's a stunningly great time for You to learn how to spot volatile patterns in
the market. And if you're like the vast majority of traders I've been talking
with, you'd like to see a few live examples and learn EXACTLY how to trade these
stocks with precision and quick, nimble timing.

So I'm going to make it easy. It won't hurt, I promise.

>> See http://www.DaytradingUniversity.com/tradingtheopen.htm

You'll be able to hear me calling out LIVE trading alerts to practice with in
true "Squawk Box" fashion starting next Monday, April 12th for a whole 2 weeks
in our "Trading the Open" live room.

Plus, you'll get to hear a bunch of hands-on practical Day Trading Luncthime
Seminars that teach you the mechanics of how to trade the techniques that it's
taken me years to develop.

Psst! See the new calendar at http://www.DaytradingUniversity.com/calendar.htm

Shave literally months off of your learning curve instantly, in 2 fascinating
trading weeks with me as your humble coach and mentor - starting Monday.

Here's the deal:

I rarely offer full 2-week sessions (the last one was September 2003, over 7
months ago). You can join us at no cost, IF you reply to this email with the
header "Live Room trial" by this weekend. Limit to the first 200 traders who
respond.

>> Monday April 12th, 2004 through Friday April 23rd. <<

If you were to see me in a live seminar for the equivalent time, it would cost
your wallet well over $3885 for the 37 hours of instruction you'll be receiving
(3 action-packed hours each morning, 9am til noon for two weeks, plus you get
bonus seminar time, including full audio feed and chart downloads).

But this next 2 weeks is on the house. Live from Honolulu, Hawaii -- hear how
it works as I broadcast directly to your pc, so you get in on the action every
day.

That's it -- no credit card needed, no bs. Just reply to this email (or better
yet, just enter your email address in the box on the homepage at
http://www.DaytradingUniversity.com to ensure I get it) by this weekend with the
header "Live Room Trial". That's this Saturday, bucko.

I'll send your login/password information to you by Sunday night so you'll be
ready to learn step by step mechanics as I reveal my best patterns to you with
realtime market examples during the next two weeks we'll have together.


May your trading profits soar like a tropical breeze,

Ken Calhoun, President
DaytradingUniversity.com
Honolulu, Hawaii -- USA
1-888-414-5055 Toll Free (USA)

=====================================
Thanks for op.ting in to our ChartSCANS newsletter and/or downloading our "5
Winning Chart Patterns" ebook. Packed with new trading tips each week, it's
been a favorite trading newsletter for thousands of traders worldwide. To
remove yourself from the list, simply reply with the header "remove". To
encourage us to publish more, reply with the header "more more". You agree to
all terms in www.daytradinguniversity.com/disclaim.htm by reading these
materials. All alerts are for learning/educational purposes only and are not to
be construed as an offer to buy nor sell equities. So, trade well and learn it
one step at a time.
=====================================


P.S. Check out the latest site design: http://www.DaytradingUniversity.com ..
I've been on the mainland for a month, just getting back to Hawaii this week.
Thanks to all for your patience. ChartSCANS will resume with picks of the week
and patterns plus lessons later this week.

P.P.S. Kendtu, if you reply by this weekend, I'll also include a
complimentary transcript bonus worth $97, featuring several months of
downloadable transcripts you can snag, including over 75 trading tips from top
trading seminars I've done. Smashing!

P.P.P.S. If you want to HEAR what my traders REALLY think about our live trading room, you've gotta check out the audio clips on this top-secret page:

http://www.DaytradingUniversity.com/topsecret.htm

Now THAT's an earful, eh?


==========================


UPDATE: As of right now, that email above pulled in 113 requests for a free room trial. That's a record, especially for a non-graphic text email sent to my house list, all within 10 hours :P

I won't know the visit stats til they're posted tomorrow, I'll let you all know that as well. Eg how many folks clicked on the topsecret.htm page, as a percentage of total emails sent.. will be interesting to find out.

UPDATE: now I've got 146 requests in as of 10:36pm EST

Big picture though, even if I convert say 1/2 to paying customers for one month live chatroom access, that's just 75x300 = 21K, and I did over 30K for a 2 day seminar. Seminars are where it's at, I'm studying more gleeck. better use of time, wider/faster leverage, plus seminars are fun.

I think I'll raise my rates and have an insiders' club/tiered memberships etc.

UPDATE: Now up to an amazing 203 requests in as of the morning after, April 8th at 3:30 pm EST. This copywriting stuff really works. :P

UPDATE: Ok now what do I do? I've got too many -- it snowballed all of a sudden.... over 371 folks wrote in requesting the free trial... hope it doesn't overload my server, and the paltalk voice server should be ok though.. that's a good problem to have, but, I need to manage capacity.

What's up with this copywriting stuff? I get too many dang customers and sales. (said tongue in cheek). But it Is a challenge, eg going from a stale type of site to a sizzling copy site, eg fulfilling orders / service with the unanticipated spike.

And my recent 2-days of google/overture top 3 ads I placed is NOT helping the situation any either, as I just got over 58 new opt-ins to my house list, plus all the new requests from THEM as well. I'm quite cross. I just don't know what to make of all the new interest from all these customers I get to win over. Sigh. lol.

I WISH I had discovered copywriting 20 years ago, I'd be retired now.

Hot off the audio presses -- 5 minutes 18 seconds of SIZZLING audio here... take a listen:

http://www.daytradingu.com/TradingTi...o_Volume71.mp3

Audio copywriting critique request/ question ... I'm trying to apply copywriting tactics to audio teaser promo clips... is it working?

too fast/slow? catchy enough? a snoozer? it's about 5 minutes of tips..designed to elicit interest in, and build rapport with my traders... just recorded today...


ken


P.S. this is funny, I recorded "one earlier" gotcha clip:
http://www.daytradingu.com/TradingTi...o_Volume70.mp3
for the smarties who want to try and listen to earlier editions..



UPDATE: Hmm help! Over the last 3 weeks, I've received over 470 requests to try out my live room. That's a record-shattering attendance number.

But, this morning only 174 actually logged in. I don't think it's a technical issue, since no complaints/questions etc..

So any ideas re what specifically to say in an email to jolt the other 300 into logging in?

I sent a link to the transcripts of the room, showing tons of successful live calls that were made, hopefully that'll do the trick, eg at
www.daytradingu.com/transcripts.htm

any other ideas? thx all ...

Sales Results so far:

$21,834 in 4 days now, since Monday morning. Not too bad I suppose. My sales goal is 50K by end of day Sunday, don't know if I'll get there.

But you can bet I'll try.


Mental note to self: don't try a major sales campaign right after tax time! No more April promotions. Start in May instead.

Anyone else notice a tax-time sales drop? (like the holidays, eg December usually a slow month for most online marketers too).

Ken