I've recently joined the local chamber of commerce. New members are given one free mailing to all chamber members and I'm gonna use it.

Prattville's population is ~25K and growing fast. There's lots of excitement about the new businesses coming into the area.

The goal of this letter is to get in front of business owners and managers, point out how to improve their marketing, and get hired to develop and write marketing materials.

So here's the first draft...Fire away.

************************************************** ********

One simple phone call could result in...

*Increased Sales*
*More Effective Ads*
*Improved Marketing Strategies*

February 16, 2006

Dear Chamber Member,

As a member of the Prattville Chamber of Commerce, you have access to a limited time offer.

There are several benefits of Chamber membership:

• Credibility
• Networking
• Business development

One more benefit has been just been added to your membership...

A FREE 30-Minute Marketing Consultation ($125 value)

Here's an opportunity to have your current marketing strategies evaluated based on direct response principles. You will get ideas to increase your profits NOW...FREE of charge and with no obligation.

These principles work in any business, in any economic climate.

In addition, if you are one of the first 10 people to call, you'll also receive a FREE report: “How to Devastate Your Yellow Pages Competition” that explains how to make your Yellow Pages ads more profitable and more successful.

Here’s What You Get During Your FREE Consultation

Ideas and suggestions you can use immediately to:

• Increase your profits
• Reduce waste in marketing
• Get more clients for your business
• Increase what current clients buy
• And increase client referrals

Picture sitting down at the end of the year and going over your budget...and knowing, to the cent, your return on marketing. Being able to tell exactly what every marketing dollar you spend is doing for you. And knowing every ad is working as hard as you are to grow and prosper your business.

This is the basic idea of direct response marketing: Invest $1.00 and get back $2.00 or $20.00...quick...that can be clearly tracked to the $1.00 spent.

You can see how much easier it is to invest in (not spend money on) your marketing when know how and why its working.

You can take the guess work out of increasing profits. Marketing does work, if it's done right.

Limited Time Offer

Call now. The FREE 30-minute consultation and FREE report offer is good for 30 DAYS. But there are a limited number of openings available. So act now.

These direct response principles can be wildly profitable for you.


To Increasing Your Business,




Yancey Foster
Copywriter / Marketing Consultant
Member, Prattville Chamber of Commerce


P.S. Call now at 1-877-828-4927 for the FREE 30-minute, no obligation consultation ($125 value) and get ideas to immediately increase your sales. Or email yancey(a)yancey-foster.com.


P.P.S. Be one of the first 10 to act now and receive your FREE report: “How To Devastate Your Yellow Pages Competition”.

Yancey,

Overall, I like it. I think the headline could use a bit of work -- make the language a bit more vivid and focus more directly on the benefits. For instance, "Increased sales" is good, but add something about increased profits, too. And "More effective ads" and "Improved marketing strategies" are a couple of means for getting benefits -- instead list some of the actual benefits that come from using improved strategies.

You might shorten the lead a bit, too. Take out the bullet list about Chamber of Commerce benefits; just say something along the lines of "Here's a special offer exclusively for fellow Chamber members" and get straight into it.

A couple of thoughts...

Ken Strong

Thanks Ken.

Yeah, I've been wrestling with the headline for a couple of days...

Ditto on the lead bullets (not to be confused with "lead" bullet, but I aim to hit 'em 'tween the eyes)

Yancey,

I find your letter much too cold for this situation. I suggest you should warm it up by not only saying you're a *new* Chamber member, but also that you're looking forward to getting to know other members. Only on my second reading of your letter did I see that you referred to yourself as a Chamber member, in a spot where this information could be easily missed. The rest of the letter has no specificity for your town and could just as well be coming from someone who had no connection with the town.

Your offer is good, but applying E.M. Forster's motto would make it more effective: "Only connect."

Marcia Yudkin

Thanks Marcia.

Hi Yancy!
Another little "warming" technique might be something about how you have lived in the community for quite some time and have enjoyed visiting some of the local merchants in the area.

These folks have given you some great deals in the past, now it's time for you to give back to them by offering your "FREE 30-Minute Marketing Consultation"

Also, I would take the "limited time offer" portion out of the first few lines, since it's already at the close of your copy... the urgency factor at the end of the copy might just be that little "nudge" that pushes them into ACTION!

Thanks Stephen.

Ok, here's the most recent incarnation.

And thanks for everyone's input.


************************************************** ********
FREE, No-Risk consultation shows you...

“How to Generate Massive Marketing Results
Without Breaking
The Bank”

Dear Chamber Member,

As a fellow member of the Prattville Chamber of Commerce, you have access to an exclusive offer.

A FREE 30-Minute Marketing Consultation ($125 value)

Here's an opportunity to have your current marketing strategies evaluated based on direct response principles. You will get ideas to increase your profits NOW...FREE of charge and with no obligation.

These principles work in any business, in any economic climate.

In addition, if you are one of the first 10 people to call, you'll also receive a FREE report: “How to Devastate Your Yellow Pages Competition” that explains how to make your Yellow Pages ads more profitable and more successful.

Here’s What You Get During Your FREE Consultation

Ideas and suggestions you can use immediately to:

• Increase your profits
• Reduce wasted marketing efforts
• Get more clients for your business
• Increase current clients spending levels
• And increase client referrals

Picture sitting down at the end of the year and going over your budget...and knowing, to the cent, your return on marketing. Being able to tell exactly what every marketing dollar you spend is doing for you. And knowing every ad is working as hard as you are to grow and prosper your business.

This is the basic idea of direct response marketing: Invest $1.00 and get back $2.00 or $20.00...quick...that can be clearly tracked to the $1.00 invested.

You can see how much easier it is to invest in (not spend money on) your marketing when know how and why it's working.

You can take the guess work out of increasing profits. Marketing does work, if it's done right.

Limited Time Offer

Call now. The FREE 30-minute consultation and FREE report offer is good for 15 DAYS. There are a limited number of openings available. So act now.

These direct response principles can be wildly profitable for you.


To Increasing Your Business,




Yancey Foster
Copywriter / Marketing Consultant
www.yancey-foster.com
1-877-828-4927
Member, Prattville Chamber of Commerce


P.S. Call now at 1-877-828-4927 for the FREE 30-minute, no obligation consultation ($125 value) and get ideas to immediately increase your sales. Or email yancey(a)yancey-foster.com.


P.P.S. Be one of the first 10 to act now and receive your FREE report: “How To Devastate Your Yellow Pages Competition”.

************************************************** *********


Ta-Dah!

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Yancey,

Do you have any "Social Proof?" That -- I think -- would be useful.

Especially if it's someone local they might know of...