Hi All,

I just found this site and have read a lot of old posts. But, I'll probably learn more from some critiques. Thanks in advance for your comments and yes, my skin is thick, so you won't hurt my feelings. We still have some items on our to do list...like 7 Part E-course and such...but rather than wait til then, you guys/gals might save me from wasting some time tweaking somethimg that I don't need to worry about.

Already plan to use Michael's advice about red headlines/header's, signatures after headlines,etc.

PS - The quote's are only there until we get some testimonials and if you'd like a complimentary copy to review, feel free to email/IM me for a link.

Here's the addy - http://www.dreamprophesy.com

Thanks,

Mike Sigers

Hi Mike,

I really like the subject, and even have experience in this. I happened to design a book cover for a renowned transpersonal psychologist many years ago that talked about symbols and their role in the unconscious mind. Interesting stuff... the book AND cover was apparently quite successful. I even wrote a thesis at the university on Dreams and Their Role in the Bible (many years ago).

Before I dig into your first sales letter (which is probably better than my first letter was - so keep at it!), know that my goal is to help, not criticize.

That said, let's do a little ripping here and there.

A few suggestions...

Above the header I try to qualify the visitors, or "wet their appetite", just like an hors d'oeuvre should do before an incredible meal...

...doesn't quite do it for me.

Try...

Discover the mysterious and powerful secrets that your own dreams are telling you every night...

Then based on Peter's recent tip regarding If-Then Headlines, I would say:

If You Can Understand The Incredible Knowledge That Your Unconscious Mind is Trying to Communicate to You Through Your Nightly Dreams, Then You Can Achieve Surprising New Success and Avoid Looming Potential Danger

Your intro copy is pretty good, but I would talk more about what psychologists have discovered regarding dreams, symbols, and the many levels of the unconscious mind, and how these various levels DO try to communicate with our conscious mind. Dreams being one of the ways. I would also include examples of dreams in important stories of the Bible and their influence on history.

In other words, build credibility to your headline - I know there is plenty of knowledge out there to do just that - and it is interesting stuff!

Also your sentence:

It needs help. "Dictionary" really weakens the product - it sounds like you have found a dusty old "dictionary" repackaged it, and now you sell it for $20, in this new dictionary reincarnation.

I know you can do more justice to what you have compiled, it really does sound interesting.

Also, the HUGE headlines with exclamation points and quotes, "Check This Out!", "Exclusive Bonuses!", "This Information is Priceless!", feel forced and could have counter effects, weakening credibility. Your credibility is VERY IMPORTANT with such a product (well, any product), but especially here.

REGARDING LAYOUT:

The overall feel is a little weak, don't know if it's the fonts, maybe too stark, but it could look more professional.

Your yellow highlights look a little pale, I would consider removing them.

I think you have a good start (even though I was a bit critical), I really hope my comments help.

Tim

Tim,

Thank you very much for those comments ! That wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it might be.

My wife and I will take your suggestions and see if we can incorporate them into what we were trying to achieve. Believe me, we will take all the sincere help we can get. We put a ton of effort into this compilation and are very sincere in trying to provide a quality product for those that are interested in the subject.

Please feel free to offer any further suggestions, Tim ( and anyone else that would like to ).

If you'd like, I'd love to send you a link for a complimentary download.
Maybe you can even offer some suggestions on the product itself. Email me, if you'd like a copy.

Again, thanks for the help,

Mike

Hi guys,

I'm not sure why more of you haven't offered advice, but, if it's because it slipped thru the cracks or you thought I wasn't serious....here it is again.

I really would appreciate some thoughts or hints.

Thanks,

Mike Sigers

Hi Mike

First of all, let me give you this disclaimer: I am a copywriting student, not an expert. Hopefully you'll get more input from the experts who visit this forum. In the meantime, here's my amatuer take on your sales letter...

1. You say it's an "ancient dream guide" that has "resurfaced," but offer no further explanation. How ancient is it? Who wrote it originally? How and why has it resurfaced? If you'd rather not explain all this, perhaps you should not mention that it's ancient and has resurfaced.

2. I like your "Have you ever...?" section but think it should be closer to the beginning of your page... like right after your headlines.

3. I think you should include more specific examples of what's in the book. Like the "Castle" example, but not as an explanation of how the Search function works (which I don't think is needed... people can use "Find" on any ebook so having a special Search function is, in my opinion, not a big selling point). If you know what some of the most common dream symbols and elements are, list them with some of their explanations.

4. I don't think the "Why offer an ebook" section is needed, but if you feel it IS important, I'd put it further down the page.

5. I'd list more examples from the book like the one you have about "Which president dreamt of his own death..." Perhaps have several bulleted examples like this of what readers will find in the book. (I repeat myself about this... see below )

6. I personally don't like the gimmick of saying "If you order today..." prior to listing the bonuses. Obviously the same offer will be available tomorrow (right?). To me, saying that makes you lose credibility. I understand the tactic is to give a sense of urgency so people will order now, but you already do that with the line about "After the first 100 copies are sold..."

7. A guarantee of 90 days is STANDARD these days, not "unheard of."

Overall, I think your letter needs more emphasis on what readers will gain from the book ("benefits"), and less on "features" such as the search function and the fact that it's an ebook. What I've done before to get a list of these types of benefits is read through the entire book I'm selling, highlighting specific items that will be particularly interesting to prospective buyers. Then I list them as bullets in the sales letter. For example:

* What is the warning behind the image of black crows, and what should you do when you dream about them? (Page ___ )

* What does one of the most common dream themes--being naked in public--really mean? (Page ___ )

* What American president dreamt of his own death... (Page ___ )

And so forth. This can be a time-consuming process, but I think it's a very powerful technique. Hopefully others will comment on this?

I hope this helps, Mike! It sounds like a fascinating book, and I'm sure you'll have lots of buyers!

Thanks Bonnie !

That's exactly what I was looking for, more honest thoughts !

We appreciate every word and will work on it.

Now, would any more of you care to help out ?

Thanks,

Mike

Hi Mike,

Not bad. You have a lot of good stuff working here. I have to be honest that only looked at the headline and the opening because if you lose me after that, the rest doesn't matter much. Headline is good, though I would put it in title form, capitalizing the first letter of each word so it's clear it's a title. Don't underestimate people's "habits" of reading and their expectations of what they'll find. We're used to seeing headlines as titles. Why rock the boat there? Same with the boxed subtitle.

Personally, I would pick only one of these angles. It takes the mind out of its reading trance long enough to snap them to click away. Same with this line:

That's all I have time for right now. But great first effort!

Thanks Lorrie,

We appreciate your time and advice !

Your thoughts are along the same lines as others, I think we'll make some adjustments now and let some others help us, too.

Anyone else care to give us some advice ?

Mike