The truth is... I wish I had a lot of things but I will settle for a no holds barred critique of my name squeeze page.

http://www.LocalLeadFlow.com

Thanks,
Bryant

PS I love you guys and gals!

Not bad...I think it needs to be longer, though.

Ken Strong

Hi Bryant,
First I would like to commend you on an excellent headline for this post.

-- You got me to look inside.

OK, here my quick 30 second "scan and ran" critique.

I think the sub-head should go in as a pre-head and maybe shortened and tightened up just a little bit.

At the tail end of this section, you might even want to put more of a "you need these little known tips and tricks" slant on it instead of "you need this information."

For the headline:
How about something along these lines:
"Top Leads Expert Reveals His Hidden Secrets To Generating An Avalanche Of Local, Targeted Sales Leads"

subhead:
. . . but you must act now! This open door of vital information is about to be closed to the general public!

create a sense of urgency.

I would put "along with a specially selected group of" instead of " along with hundreds of" - make your reader believe that he or she is "special".

The bullets don't look too bad, but I'll need more than 30 seconds to go over this section.

I'll see about checking back on this later.

Try a super-script headline like this...

"My Clients Begged Me Not To Reveal These Secrets...

In the sub-script headline remove the word "learn" and
replace it with "discover" or something else that does not
indicate they have to work to get the knowledge.

Increase the borders on your page so it looks thinner.

Other than that great job.

John

I wish you guys had enough backbone to critique my work.....

Hi,

I kind of wonder if the term "targeted sales leads" is the right one for your prospects.

Who are you targeting?

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

http://www.freelanceonlinecopywriter.com