Re: May I have a critique please -
03-25-2004, 07:58 PM
John,
I didn't get very far in the copy before noticing a couple of misspellings and losing interest in the text.
"Peek" should be "peak" and "its" is used instead of "it's" (or vice versa).
You need to hire a proofreader.
Marcia Yudkin
Copywriting With Creativity, Integrity and On-Target Results
Learn to break through a prospect's fog of indifference and spark a response from the reader's real motivators. Find out whether or not you qualify for the one-on-one tutorial course: http://www.yudkin.com/become.htm
Re: May I have a critique please -
03-26-2004, 02:51 AM
I agree with Marcia - I noticed quite a few typos and clumsy english. Plus some currency signs (presumably dollars) were missing.
Also I found the design jarring - that background actually makes me feel quite ill - I don't feel like hanging around. Tell me, is someone selling a program that creates your sales letter for you including all the html, because why does everyone's site look exactly the same? (diagnonal words on the background, sales letter look).
This is more of a general question to the forum, and not aimed directly at you John .... I'm also intrigued by the "order now, we only have 50 of these" kind of technique when it's on a website. That makes sense in a transient medium such as a sales letter or advert that gets thrown away, but I still don't get why people use this technique on the internet, when no doubt next week or next month I will come back to the site and it will say the same thing.
For example, if someone is selling a digital product that is downloadable there is an unlimited supply, so why do people say order now because next week there won't be any left? It just seems like an obvious manipulation. Don't potential customers see through that? Doesn't it make them feel a bit icky or negative towards the vendor?