Hi everyone,
I am a newbie and am doing my 1st internet project which is an
ebook about the car business.

I have my website sales copy up and would very much appreciate
all the critiques. I am not web-designer savy so I am using SBi
to build the site.

Some stuff like getting the text to line up under the bullets I still have to figure out how to do.

The site has just the sales letter on it and no order info yet.
I will also add testimonies as I recieve them!

Any feedback would really be appreciated and just to show my
appreciation who ever checks out the sales letter and gives me advice
on what I can do to make it better if you send me an email with
"copy critique" in the subject line I will send you a free copy of my
ebook when it's finished. (It's being edited right now) send to:
humdog@ndsupernet.com

Also one last question; for someone who wants to become a copywriter
is Michael Masterson's copywriting course at awai a good recommendation?

Thanks again for everyone's help!
Oop's I almost forgot, here is the website with my
sales copy for critique: http://www.carbuyingscams.com

Peter Humleker

I forgot to mention one thing. On the part of my sales
letter where the bullets are I put every other bullet
remark in red just to see what it looks like.

Should I keep the bullet remarks all black or leave
it as every other one in red?

Thanks,
Peter

Hi Pete, here are my comments/suggestions I have in regard to your sales copy and it's layout.

-The copy is unnecessarily long, I think that car buying story should be cut out of the copy as it doesn't reinforces the power of the copy at all. You should concentrate more on the "whats in it for me" stuff, tell the benefits, and use more picture words.

-Put your headline betweek "quotes" and include more benefits of them, for example you may want to try this:

Future Car Buyers: Don't buy any new or used car until you read the following!

"Auto Dealer Executve Breaks 'Code of Silence'! -- Reveals You All The Psychological Tricks, Car-Buying Scams, Tricky Tactics, and 'Take Money Out Of Your Wallet' Schemes That Go On At Your Local Car Dealership!


-You should highly concentrate on the benefits and use emotions. For example, we all think of sales man as "people-controlling" people, so you should tell the reader what will they feel when making the sales man hear you instead of him/her hearing them, and that will not get ripped of anymore but feel like him/her made an intelligent decision.

-Just USE ONLY 1 PS, too many PSs and the message loses it's attention, use only one short and sweet PS, and the readership is increased.

-Don't use yellow highlights, it's somewhat annoying and makes your site look not very professional.

-Make your copy more scanner-friendly, by including sub-headlines inside the copy, using bold, italic, and underlined phrases, and by using strong colors and medium-sized fonts (like a 4-sized font with a dark blue color) to reinforce the importance of a headline or a section of your copy, so all this item can make the "scanning" of your copy more easy, since usually people who read your sales copy are in a hurry and doesn't have time to read through all your sales letter from start to end.

Greetings.

Thank you Abraham! I will take your suggestions to heart
and start tweaking the copy with your tips and see how it looks.

thanks again!

Peter