Let's find out...

I'm writing a mass market fitness book (very different than what is out there) and I want a SMOKIN' hot title. Please critique the following 2

1) The 11th Commandment - Thou Shall Be Fit!

subtitle - How to Tap Into Your 2nd set of Hidden Genes Which Hold the Keys to Your Amazing Body

2) How to Easily Unleash the Awesome Body Within You

sub - Guarded Secrets of a Top Personal Trainer Revealed

Thank you,
Joey Atlas (The Wizard of Fitness) feel free to critique the mass market nickname also
www.JoeyAtlas.com

I had an extremely negative reaction to this title.

First: We don't already have trouble enough with 10 commandments and now you want to give us another one? Forget it!

Second: It's ridiculous to put fitness in the same category as honoring your parents, keeping the Sabbath and not lying or murdering. This is a secular reaction on my part, not a religious one. Fitness is not a moral imperative but rather a self-interested one. Implying that there's some kind of transcendant reason to become physically fit makes no sense at all.

Third: Some religious people will find this title very offensive.

I wasn't thrilled about any of the other options, either. None of them conveyed what might be "very different than what is out there."

Why don't you tell us what's different about your book and see if that sparks any suggestions?

Marcia Yudkin

Ditto everything Marcia said.

Jane

I believe your reaction may have just cemented the title of my book.

I might even throw "God given set of 2nd genes" into the subtitle.

The reason why it is different is I expalin why there is a moral obligation to take care of oneself, on many levels including the spiritual.

I also talk about the sins of self abuse and how selfish it is to not invest in ones own health at the expense of your loved ones happiness, etc.

I'm sorry if I offended you, but my main goal is to help as many people as possible. There is a transcendant reason to protect the gift of life we've been blessed with and realistic fitness and nutrition are the top tools for the job.

Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

Joey Atlas - The Fitness Prophet

Then why take the religious side? Or if you do, why not include the reasons atheists, Muslims, agnostics, etc. would give a flip about this?

I agree with Marcia's comments, and your follow-up didn't really clarify. Why not just take the religious angle and market the book through churches, religious websites, etc.?

The way it's phrased now doesn't address the audience's concerns unless they already think the way you do. So you're preaching to the converted (no religious pun intended) instead of converting the prospects. Get me?

Alex Stiner

Human beings have an instinct for self-preservation. So you can appeal to that. But that's practical, not moral. Turning fitness and religion into a religious crusade is about as plausible as you claiming that God wants us to give money to you.

Who is your audience? Are you planning to market this book through personal trainers and chiropractors? Why would anyone else be interested in this message?

Marcia Yudkin

MARCIA made some VERY valid points. You should look at what she said...

HOWEVER...

If you've defined a specific audience this will appeal to, perhaps you could elaborate so it will be obvious to us. I'm willing to venture there's at least a group who might find your language engaging.

There are OUTRAGEOUS public personalities who "venture into the danger zone" yet make it work for them.

Think Rush Limbaugh: "Talent on loan from God!"

Not seeing your actual product makes it difficult to assess whether or not you can "successfully take it down this road."

If the entire book is themed with this "religious tone" -- yet talking about fitness. You could make it work. IMHO

Marcia even "accidentally" gave you some more phrasing...

"Turning Fitness into a Religious Crusade..."

you could play with the parable about the "talents" -- ever read that one?

re-write it with "the body he gave them and what they did with it" -- in fact that could be a fantastic story-driven letter opener. Captivating...

You'd have to go OVER THE TOP with headline... etc. and almost have a National Enquirer / Globe kind of feel...

"Fitness Prophet Descends From Mount (Olympus) with 10 Healthy New Commandments (your chapters)..." -- just playing with it... you could do better.

You would DEFINITELY stand out... in a WILDLY CROWDED fitness / health book industry. And that's important...

Having said all that, Marcia's right in saying that may not be the best way to sell your book.

FWIW!!!

Joey,

I like the Commandment angle...

If you don't piss-off a large portion of your prospects, then your ad isn't doing a good enough job.

I've always liked that approach. It's not the only approach, but one that can work.

Ed

You're right Ed,

Tons of people have done...

"10 Commandments for Being Customer Focused"

"10 Commandments for Small Business Marketing"

etc.

handled correctly... has I said... could be effective!!!

I dont like the first headline it reminds me of the lawn signs they put on the churches as you drive by like 'Need A Faith Lift?"

I dont think it expresses your product benefits as crisply as it should so Id stick with the second headline.

Since its a mass market book, then appeal to the masses

You lose a huge portion of the audience if you step on their toes so a general angle I feel would work better. God knows best