New sites up, looking for quick candid response/ideas for improve... appreciate it anyone .... :

> http://www.tapereadingsecrets.com

> http://www.tapereadingseminar.com

(ideas to improve headline/body copy? and, which URL is better? both are same site mirrors..am testing via google as we speak)

likely I'll change start of first headline to "Get an Inside Peek at the Kick-Ass Secrets of a Hit-and-Run Day Trader. .."

also, I added new audio testimonials to my trading room site and got a flood of requests to try.. so it looks like they work ..:P

http://www.daytradinguniversity.com/tradingtheopen.htm

thx Mike for the other ideas re building testimonials, have used them and it's working..

plus
http://www.daytradinguniversity.com/...ing-online.htm


I'm making the header graphics much smaller across the site, so people can focus on the headline and testimonials ..

thx all for any quick feedback or what I should tighten up .. and I'll reciprocate as always, if you want candid feedback on your sites/headlines..


Ken

Hi Ken,

I had a quick look and I think it's a good site in all.

Personally, I would tweak the headline and lead. Here's how yours appears, along with a few suggestions that are written in blue:

Finally! It's About Time Someone Gave You The REAL How to Read Time & Sales Breakouts & Pivots low-down, so here's a truck full of fact-loaded finesse in a special live trading event:

Get the Cash-Collecting Secrets of a Hungary, Hit-and-Run Day Trader --
"Let Me Give You The Exact, How-To-Use-best precision
TAPE READING Strategies for NASDAQ Day Trading...

Packed with the most effective tips almost all demanding, prosperous traders use. You'll Have over 17 Dead-On-Specific Easy-to-Use Tape Reading Strategies Revealed with Pulse-Pounding Energy -- all Explained for you, Step by Step in this Action-Packed 4-Hour Traders' Seminar...now enrolling for March 16th, 2004 in Anaheim!"

Join other traders for this 4-Hour step by step seminar at the Sheraton -- You'll Get dozens of practical, power trading ideas You can Use immediately from this explosive new trading event, featuring Live Market Examples & streaming realtime tape reading patterns narrated by Ken that you can profit from, instantly

Hi Ken,

On this occasion, I actually quite liked the handwriting when describing a chart.

I don't know if my comments will help because I don't know what Tape Reading is nor do I know your target market, but here goes:

1. Does everyone know where Anaheim is? If memory serves, it's close to LAX, so would adding LA help?

2. Your seminar rules go on rather, and seem to repeat the same thing over and over about not chatting, sidetracking or crapping on. If I was a potential seminar attendee this might frighten me off quite a lot because it makes you sound like the worst school teacher anyone ever had - inflexible and inhuman.

I perfectly understand that it is only a 4 hour slot, and you want to give everyone maximum benefit by getting through the material and not being sidetracked by "eejits". Trust me - I've been to courses where we didn't complete the material because the instructor allowed far too much irrelevant talk about nothing useful - so I empathise because I got seriously p'eed off by having my learning time disrupted by idiots.

I just wonder if you couldn't say it once in a way that isn't quite so off-putting? Too many sentences on the subject make it stand out too much, and really, I don't think it's the kind of stuff that you want to stand out on your sales page. Could it even be put on another page, like after they've ordered?

3. Personally I'm not keen on "Finally! It's about time ...." Personal preference - it seems a bit hackneyed these days.

4. Sounds like a USP to me - shouldn't that be part of your headline?

5. I find the design quite cluttered, particularly the testimonials down the RHS. Also, your top banner doesn't go all the way across - easy to fix - just make the table cell background the same colour as the banner.

I learnt another webdesign trick yesterday - apparently if you have graphics or pictures they should face INTO the content. This is due to the natural way that people read - so I would put your picture on the LHS, so that it's pointing into your content.

6. I thought the "how much better would your trading be if ..." was a good section.

7. Similes/Metaphors: I don't like "monkey on steroids" and I don't like "pulse-pounding energy". These might work with your target market if they are all adrenaline junkies and like the idea of feeling severely agitated for 4 hours. For me personally, if I was attending a training, I would like to feel that it would be relaxed whilst keeping my attention, not agitated.

Likewise "armed with the Tape Reading secrets" and "fight for us home traders" - might be appropriate. I think it's unnecessary. It's not Wellington and Napoleon at the battle of Waterloo, it's making a living from your own home.

Similes and metaphors are good tools when they're good.

8. No sub-heads or bullet points. Might it help to break the topic down into sections with sub-heads and specific bullet points about what they will learn?

Also, you say a few times that you'll spend all morning looking at tapes. Is that really the totality of the training? Or will you be introducing some principles and "theory" that go along with the practical application. How about a workbook? What are the 17 strategies - you don't have to explain them, just name them.

One thing I hate about attending seminars is when they haven't prepared any kind of notes of workbook, and my attention is split between listening and taking notes. Much better to have the meat of the info in a manual, so that people listen to YOU instead of feverishly taking notes. Apologies if you do provide this.

9. Price. "Just $397 for 4 action-packed live trading hours with me".
Is that cheap? That sounds darned expensive to me - equivalent to £500 for a day, and it's a seminar not training (due to the numbers). Nothing wrong with being expensive - you are the master. I just wouldn't try to pretend that it's cheap.

10. Ken. When do we really get to find out about Ken? Not until towards the end, and then in rather egotistical terms. We also then find out that he's a control freak who's going to drop your phone into a jug of water or freak out if you ask any irrelevant questions. Can you soften this up a little? Could we get to know you earlier on? Wouldn't that help to build credibility? If you can come across as the benign guru, then your price will be well justified.

11. Offer. Assuming that you are a guru (and I'm sure you are) and that $397 is a reasonable price to pay for 1/2 a day's training (and that your prospects are used to paying these kinds of amounts for information and training), then can the offer stand on it's own two feet without quite so much hyperbole. Just a thought. Not saying you don't need copy - but does it have to jump down people's throats quite so much?

That is my £252.22 worth. You probably won't agree, but there might be something of value in there for you.

Peter,

Much as I know everyone hates me to be contrary, I have to pick you up on a few points.

Firstly, Ken should not depict himself as hungry (I assume that's what hungary means) - he's the master - that's why he's qualified to teach this stuff, so if he's hungry and poor, what right does he have teaching what he knows to other people. His belly should be full - very full.

"truck full of fact-loaded finesse" - I don't understand what this means. Secondly, metaphors need to be consistent. Finesse means refinement or subtle and delicate manipulation, so I wouldn't expect it to turn up in truck loads.

And I could go on, such as headlines really shouldn't be that long etc. But really, it's just way too hyperbolic for my tastes. Presumably, day traders who have $397 lying around to spend on being taught the refinements of their craft are intelligent people. Do they really need to be steam-rollered by hype and flakey metaphors?

Hi Jane, thanks much for your comments... they do help, and I agree with many of them ... so I'll make some improvements based on what you've observed ...

- example, I didn't realize my page table was in a percent vs absolute pixel width like it should've been (you had noted the header wasn't the full table width, though it should've been, so I double checked it) ... nice catch! I just fixed that... as I had it, the page "broke" for wide browsers ... and the page would've looked wrong for many folks.. so thanks!

- re the copy critiques, overall good points, I'll brush it up later today and make refinements, agree re pulse-pounding etc weak ... goal is to create energy without going into hype-land... a sugarman slide to keep engaged in copy ...

- which brings up a good point, getting them hooked into the copy then walking into a brick wall of too many rules, likely to disrupt their enthusiasm, put a wet blanket on it since overkill... will tone it down .. goal to let them know it'll be a focused good use of their time, not a fluff seminar w/jokes like many..

- pricing is actually a loss leader... most in my industry charge as much as $5,000 for a 2-day seminar .. and I'm better known than many who charge that much ... so a 397 price point for 1/2 day is a bargain, for this niche..

thanks -- your comments are well-detailed ... and I'm making improvements..

also let me know of course, if you have a page or so that you're working on and I can help w/critique too ..


ken

Hi Ken,

Glad to be of assistance and I hope it all goes well.

I will let the board know if or when I'm ready to have any copy critiqued - haven't finished writing most of it yet - yikes!!

I'm sorry if my comments about price were off-base. Obviously if people are accustomed to hearing about or actually paying $5,000 for a 2 day seminar, then $400 shouldn't be too much of a stretch.

I'm fascinated by how this is a loss-leader. You mean it's going to cost you more money to put the seminar on than you take in revenue? $397 x 75 = near enough $30,000 - must be one hell of a seminar. What's the backend? OK - you probably don't want to tell me - I'm just always curious about people's business models, where they get leverage and what really makes the money for them.

Hey Ken,

For my tastes all the words on the graphic header compete with
the headline for attention.

In my opinion, a graphic should dominantly be something that
illustrates your main selling benefit visually.

A lot of this has to do with style.

And I haven't split test one with the other.

Marlon

Hi Marlon, good point re competing. I'm going to start split testing versions with small (if any header) graphics, move the handwriting down later in the body copy, to let the headline stand alone ... and test vs the control .. appreciate the thoughts, makes sense!


ken

It's not about good writing, Jane. Selling tends to be paradoxical. It's emotional. The group Ken is selling to is one of the evergreen groups. I don't mean to say that they're less intelligent than any other group.

Evergreen groups are highly emotional when it comes to the object of their fascination.

Metaphors don't "need" anything. People experience need. But I think what you intended to say was that mixing metaphors is poor form.

To use a metaphor effectively, I don't need consistancy, unless playing off a metaphor. That is to say; using the metaphor to establish a theme throughout a sales piece.


Peter Stone

Hi Peter,

Appreciate the feedback.

What is an "evergreen group"? I'm not familiar with this term, and it would help me to absorb the advice if I knew what it meant.

With regard to metaphors, I don't think there's anything wrong with inventing your own metaphors. But to my mind, there needs to be an element of consistency between the concepts. Otherwise, aren't we in danger of confusing the reader and distracting them from the central message?

Thanks,

Jane