Hi

I confess... didn't get the "copywriting" gene...

At what point do you throw in the towel and scrap your current sales letter and start over?

Something is lacking to convert traffic.

Can anything be salvaged from this sales copy or maybe add something or just start all over.

Doing a split test on two different headlines
http://webtraffic.mpstrategiesfirm.com/index-1a.html
or
http://webtraffic.mpstrategiesfirm.com/index-1b.html

Thanks

Ann

Ann, your copy is trying to warm up your readers too much! Get straight into the benefits - you only have about 7 seconds to get their atetntion.

So this entire section here can be taken out:

"Advertising on the internet started out with great promise... now smaller budgets could gain the same exposure for their businesses just like the big guys... You simply build a website, optimize for high search engine placement, and watch the profits roll in.

But...

It can take weeks, even months before the search engines include your site in their index and who knows where it will place.

What business can afford to wait that long?

If you want those sales, you need to place in the Top 30 spots. Google alone boast 8,058,044,651 web pages. What are your chances? You can spend a lot of time learning to optimize your site or spend lots of money hiring a Search Engine Optimizing expert."

Fire it up faster, crank out the benefits so it smashes their faces in like a full blodded swing from a baseball bat! (had an impact I hope)

You can actually start the sales letter form this point:

"How Can the Smaller Advertising Budget Compete Against The Deep Pockets of Big Corporations Without Breaking the Bank??"

Hope this helps.

Read On To Claim Your FREE Copy Of The $299 Traffic Tool Box...

"Amazing 100% GUARANTEED Targeted Website Traffic Beats Google Adwords Return On Investment by 1.5%..."


If you've discovered that every penny you spend online adds up...

And your time is the most valuable asset you have...

Then read on to find out how you can get off the Google AdWords merry go round and get targeted, highly qualified visitors to your website 100% guaranteed...

WITHOUT wasting your time and money setting up a complicated Google AdWords campaign.



I would also highly recommend listing those free bonuses in the traffic toolbox you're going to give them and say three teaser type bullets for each bonus.

Finally.

If you want my money I want to know who you are.

Google Adwords has tons of credibility - billion dollar corporation - I want to know my money isn't just going to disappear.

Tell me more about yourself, your experience and credibility in the field and why I should trust you.

I believe you got quite good reviews on Terry Dean's membership site.

That might be worth mentioning too.

I hope that helps.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

Freelance Online Copywriter

I would start with

"The Quickest... Fastest Way To Drive Targeted Traffic to Your Site"

then follow up with your current 1A headline - perhaps smaller font.

I think it has more energy this way.

You could certainly test both headlines.

Keep in mind that webmasters paying for traffic are VERY sceptical with good reason.

Hence the importance of a guarantee and a demonstrations of specific measurable results.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

Freelance Online Copywriter

Ann, I really like... (note I've added a couple of subtle tweaks -- we can see what some of the COPY KINGS on here have to say)

"If you're a serious Pay-Per-Click advertiser, or just getting started...

"How Can Your Limited Advertising Budget Compete Against The Deep Pockets of Big Corporations Without Breaking the Bank? The Answer Below May Surprise You!"

(Hint -- You Can Forget Complicated PPC Campaign Management Systems and Monitoring Programs)

I want to thank Sammer, Andrew, Gerard and JP for your helpful critiques... I'm incorporating your suggestions while revising this copy...

it's hard to be objective with your own "stuff" ... once again Thanks

Ann

My first thought was similar to the others. It took so long to get to the "Traffic Magic" product that you were promoting, that it just didn't sell me.

Yet, this is a product that can help a small business compete with PPC at a more affordable rate.

That's valuable!

Your headline should reflect that, as JP's headline does.

Also, the terms are not clear. You guarantee 1000 visitors - within what amount of time? How does a user monitor the number of visitors/cost of the program? Because with a low conversion rate, this could get expensive, and it wouldn't be a great idea to order this product without knowing these details.

Also, on reading the other responses more carefully, I totally agree with Cartoonman, you need to establish credibility so that people will feel comfortable giving you their money.

I hope this is helpful.

Janet

Hi Janet,

It's in the copy... Thanks for letting me know it's hard to find. Great point. I'll go back make sure it's better defined.

Ann