Hi people,

First, I'd like to thank Janet that advised me to post my link here for a critique.
So, thanks Janet!

I have this site that sells an ebook for nervous men, before their crucial date with a woman.
I get all my traffic from people that type search terms like:
- first date conversation starters
- first date conversation topics
- first date conversation
- Etc.

Please take a look at me site: www.TheDateSaver.com

I'd really appreciate any type of feedback & suggestions, alternative (and better) headline, subs etc.
Hit me with whatever you got - I have a thick skin

Looking forward to hear you, guys.


Thanks,
Avishai

Hey,

Welcome to the forum.

First things first: You got the targetting right. That's a good thing. This product won't work that well on broad dating keywords, but conversation starters and such are a great match.

That said, the letter reads way too "standard". You know... I was a shy, nervous wreck that transformed into this confident, relaxed dude. The dating market is a jungle, there's hundreds of products and this type of story is seen a thousand times over.

OK, so what's the solution?

I'd find a better Hook to start with. Dig into your story and see what you can find to really "Hook" the reader into your letter. Right now, you're losing the majority of them in 5-60 seconds (you can measure this by the way, some hosts do this!)

Also, have a look at www.stopyourdivorce.com

Unbelievable sales copy, and you know why?

Because it demonstrates value. It gives solutions that they can use even if they don't buy. You promise to bombard them with solutions but you're never showing any content. For this type of product, I'd say: Yes, reveal some of the best tips... people will automatically assume that if the content is this good in your sales letter, the product will be absolutely mind-blowing and successful (and it should be)

Good luck,
Erik

Thanks for some great point, Erik.
I checked my stats and you're right.
I am losing most of the surfers after no more than 30 seconds.
That's horrible...

I'd love to get some more views and suggestions.

Thanks!

Keep it simple.

How about...


Read On To Claim Your FREE Copy Of "The No BS Guide To Online Dating Success"...

"316 Conversation Starters
To Make Your First Date
A Stunning Success!"


I hope that helps.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh
http://copywriting.50webs.com