Hi everyone,

Well, I've gone through my pages and made more changes. But, compared to last year, I still have a ton of people coming and leaving without purchasing.

My main pages are the home page: http://www.TheOxfordProgram.com

the 1-Minute overview page: http://www.TheOxfordProgram.com/overview.asp

and the program details page: http://www.theoxfordprogram.com/programdetails.asp


My main problem has been with trying to appear "professional" (career counselors are expected to be serious professionals, not sales people), yet also generate enthusiasm and persuade.

I have so much text. How do you know when text should be removed (i.e., is just "fat" and not "muscle")?

Thanks in advance! I'm too close to my copy to determine if it's good or bad

Nobody has responded yet, but here are some "quickie" before the holidays...

1) I'd put the whole site in a table -- possibly 700-800 pixels wide -- for better readability. Right now, it stretches (100%) causing the lines not to wrap and making them too long to read.

Here's a screenshot, "squeezed," to show you:

http://SuccessDoctor.com/images/oxford.gif

2) If you're going to use the portal-type approach, I would keep the copy short, to the point, and more benefit-rich. Right now, the ideas are a little too generic and vague.

Take a look at this site of one of my clients:
http://www.jobjoy.com/

Refrain from things like "discover." People are now desensitized to words like that. For example, you say:

• Discover how you are uniquely talented, what you are most passionate about, and where you best fit.
  
  Discover meaningful, alternative options that make use of your existing experience and skills.
  
  Discover the best 1 or 2 options that fit your interests, your talents, your financial needs, and the life that you want!

Think of the "features-advantages-benefits" approach I teach (I'm sure you seen it). For example, after mentioning a feature or an advantage (above are only advantages), then write, as if you were saying, "What this means to you, Mr. Client, is this..." followed by a more intimate, a more direct and a more personal benefit.

For example, "Zooms your options down to the the best 1 or 2 that fit your specic set of interests, talents, financial needs, and the life that you want, so you can wake up in the morning full of zest, vigor and passion as you prepare for another wonderful day doing something you love!"

I would even make you stand out by adding, "My exclusive career testing technology zooms your options ..." And have the words "career testing technonology" linked to your "battery of tests" pop-up window.

Finally, I would add the sign-up now button on the main page. You know, what if people are decided they want help now? What if they visited your site in the past and now want to take action? The links at the top are REALLY easy to miss. On top of that, there are no specific descriptions of the sign up now process. What am I signing up for?

List exactly all the things, even little things, that are "part and parcel" of each program. For example, you can say, "Here's what you get with Oxford Level 1," followed by specific bullets listing everything they get.

Be specific! Mention how many hours, pages, minutes, questions, people, etc they deal with. For example, you somewhat list them on http://www.theoxfordprogram.com/programdetails.asp ... But this should be on the immediate front (or sign up) page and should be more specific:

Like (and I'm only guessing, here) ... "Phase 1: Our Talents And Skills Investigator™! Bullet 1: Test #1 is (blah), 26 questions (takes about 12 minutes to fill out), which will give you (blah -- the end result, which lists benefits, details of the results and what exactly the person will finally be able to understand from herself once done)... Etc."

I think you get the picture.

3) The overview page has too many screaming colors. Very inconsistent. I think you should flow it all nicely with a color scheme of no more than 2-3 colors. If it's blue and orange, stick with it. No yellows, no purples.

That's it for now.

Thanks very much Michel.

I'll to address some of that after the New Year.

I've currently got 3 "main" pages. The home page is the landing page that's supposed to get them in the door. About 45% of people leave right away, but that may be normal.

The 1-minute overview is a quickie for people who don't feel they have the time to wade through my entire Program Details page. The 1-Minute overview is supposed to be another benefits-rich page that inspires them and gets them imagine what their life could be like. The Program details page is supposed to be the informative, "meat" that answers all of their questions in terms of how and what (I guess what you would call the "Sign-up" page?). Again, don't know if that should be better or not.

About 60% go on to read the Program details page after reading the 1-minute overview page.

When you said "On top of that, there are no specific descriptions of the sign up now process. What am I signing up for?"

Can you elaborate?

Thanks again for taking the time during this busy part of the year!!

~Steve

Right, but since you offer more products/services, than maybe it's best to use the landing page (the front page) as a portal-like page, and add brief, to-the-point copy with links. Like the JobJoy.com site I mentioned before.

What I meant about "what are signing up for" is explained. I meant specific tests, how many minutes each test, who gives them the results, how are they intetpreted and delivered (i.e., someone calls them? Emails them? Mails them an assessment? Etc), how many questions per test, etc.

In other words be specific. Sure, explain what are the benefits of what I'm getting. But since I cannot touch, see, inspect your "product," tell me more about the features (and turn those features into benefits), rather than just talking about benefits.

Michel,

Thanks for clarifying.

Actually, I'm really trying to sell one thing, The Oxford Program of Career Change. It's made up of several "components" (wrapped into a process/methodology) that I include in my program to help people out more (e.g., career counseling, career testing, career information, network of members).

I've seen the JobJoy site before and liked its short, professional yet personal copy.

I'll try to see how I can add more specificity and benefits throughout the copy. I've found I'm so close to my copy that I'm having writers block

Thanks very much!

Steve