Hi,

I just rewrote a sales page for a web hosting customer and would like some input. The final version will have testimonials along the right-hand column. Also, the hosting options will appear before the closing.

Before:

http://www.acecopywriting.com/projec...ex-master.html

After:

http://www.acecopywriting.com/projects/index.html

Cheers,

Rich

The copy is great, but here are some immediate thoughts:

1) The copy is great, but it's not aligned with the lead/headline. You mention "are you fed up?" but then list benefits. The benefits are great, but they don't separate you from the rest of the pack nor demonstrate why you are better or different than the competition. Focus on your USP instead. The $1 angle is a GREAT angle to focus on right at the top!

2) Highlight, instead, your core benefit. Your hook. Your USP, which may very well be the $1 angle. I think it's the one thing that separates your from the rest. Even if it may seem that it's not that different (or similar to what some hosting companies provide), still drive it home.

3) It's ok to have long copy -- but I think it's too much per point. Not the length of the copy as a whole, but be more specific and pithy. My thinking is that this type of market, and especially based on your lead, people are shopping around. Here's an example of highlighting your USP: http://PowWeb.com/ which, in this case, is the price.)

4) The ordering buttons are way too far at the end. You might want to include ordering options below the right-hand column, under login, so people can join right away without needing to read the whole page. Heck, I would put one big ordering button there (or link) on that $1 offer... Something like "Click Here To Try Us Out For a Whole Month For $1!"

(In fact, I'm not sure if your client is open to this, but you may even angle it as "First Month Is On Us!" And explain that the $1 charge is necessary for the system to open the account. They cancel, they get their dollar back. But they keep it, and their next month is the regular fee minus the $1. Be careful how you word this, though.)

5) The ordering links' font is small. And I didn't even know they were links -- no mention of "click here" or other indications they were links. Since the $4.99 package is a price incentive, don't say "0 MySQL Databases." Looks like "Don't take this one!" Makes you look bad.

Here's an idea:

"Are you fed up with outrageous hosting prices and lousy customer support?"
by Tim Adams, CEO of HostDr.com

If you answered "yes" then HostDr is willing to let your try us out for just $1! That's right. One dollar for a whole month to see the power, quality and service you deserve from a hosting company. Don't like us? No problem. We refund your dollar on the spot. No hard feelings. We'll absorb the lost just to prove it to you!

Etc, etc, etc.

Hi Rich,

I echo Michel's sentiments here - if the headline is about the pain that people feel when trying to get their sites hosted, then you should probably follow through on your promise to solve the pain. Either that, or change the appeal to the $1 for a month thing.

The other thing that hits me straight away is that this type of approach is not for the Fortune 500. Do you just say that to make the real market (SOHO) feel more confident, or are you really trying to appeal to the Fortune 500?

Also, is it true that the servers are up 99.99% of the time? I'm sure most technical analysts will tell you that this is not likely, or necessarily possible. In the UK you would get done for false advertising if it isn't entirely true. Also, the Why Us page says 99.5% uptime guarantee, so one is out of kilter with the other.

Either way, is that the pain that most people have with their webhosts? It certainly isn't my pain with my webhosts (and I'm onto my fourth). My pain has been getting proper explanations of things, getting the functions I need via a control panel (instead of having to pay extra for the web hosting company to do it for me e.g. autoresponders, mail forms), and having people behave like proper, professional business people.

If it was me looking to buy a webhosting solution, I would look for the functions and features that I need delivered in a user friendly way, and a "look over your shoulder" style help from the webhost. Unfortunately, because most webhosting companies are selling on price and not quality, they do not appear to be able or willing to offer the kind of help or resources that people actually need. I personally would find this a much more important selling point than 99.99% uptime (everyone says that) or the cheapest prices in town.

If the client can't or won't offer those sorts of features, then do they at least offer a user friendly control panel so that their customers can easily operate their own websites?

Also, I have worked with companies that answer my emails within 24 hours. However, they tend to do so obtusely and in a patronising way. The selling point is not that emails are answered, but are they answered appropriately and comprehensively?

But the main thing I would ask is this: who is your target market? If it is technical people (website designers, programmers etc), then you need a different approach. If is mid-size up to Fortune 500 companies, then I don't think this approach will work. But if it is non-technical Mom and Pop businesses, then it may well work - but I would add more on precisely how your client supports them and "leads them by the hand".

Also, the design is unconfident in my humble opinion. Hard to put this into words, but it's a bit ethereal and receding. It's probably the colour theory thing about cool colours receding, whilst warm colours come forward. It just seems a bit self-effacing, and I don't see that as good thing.

But if we really get down to it, what sells hosting? What does this market want in hosting? Do they even know what a MYSQL database is?

My clients are small businesses and they neither know nor care about any of that stuff. They pay me to sort it out for them. That might be a new angle for your clients - offer DIY hosting (at their keenly competitive prices) or managed hosting (where all the changes and needs of the client are dealt with for them). Just an idea.

Well done anyway, because it's certainly an improvement on the original copy.

Thanks for the great comments, Michel! Much appreciated.

Janeology: I noticed that the navigation links at the top of your website are broken.

Cheers,

Rich

Rich,

That's as maybe, but doesn't mean my comments are irrelevant.

I've taken the reference to my website out, cos the site isn't finished. The links aren't broken - they just don't exist yet! But thank you for your curiosity.

"Do they even know what a MYSQL database is?"

thier developer may want to know, either their inhouse designer or freelancer may need this info. the platform they run on may assist with the buying decision, so i think its still relevant enough to leave it in.