Tweak my Headline and you win a free Mini site Graphics

freotech

I have completely redesigned my website and salesletter. I am giving a free standard mini site graphics for the best suggestion for an alternative and better headline.

Here is my salesletter:
Minisite Graphics - eCoverBox

Please post your suggestion below

Thanks and Good Luck !

Stephen Davies

I don't need any reward, but here's a drive-by headline you might want to tweak:

Stunning Ecover Designs That
Stops Visitors in Their Tracks,
Turns Browsers Into Buyers, And
Makes Smart Marketers Tons of Cash
... Guaranteed!

Blue font is just for S & G's

- Make sure you test different color variations.

Kevin Rogers

I'm a litle too "left brain" to tweak your headline at the moment... but there are a few other issues I noticed on your page that will hurt worse.

1. Your lead... needs to come out of italics. It's hard to read and comes off like a third party quote rather than a conversation between you to me.

2. Your copy flow... is non-existent. That's because there's not enough copy. The way you've laid out the project samples, with your concept, the result, and the client's awesstruck remarks is great (the covers look fantastic, BTW) but with no copy to break up the samples, it looked to me like you were selling those designs as a package.

I think I see your dilemna... You don't need a ton of copy to tell someone "I make kick azz eCovers." That could be accomplished with a page of samples, prices and a contact box. But, you want to show that you understand the sales page layout, so you feel compelled to keep your page in this long copy format. Am I right?

If so, and you want to keep the scrolling format, I say add some copy (not just an accent) to separate those samples. You could get away with less than 12 samples too. Even show your best 5 and add a "see more" button to bring up your portfolio in a new page.

But take the copy out of italics, dude. That's killing you. Choose one thing to put in italics, the rest needs to be more readable.

Hope that helps.

Kenny Makit

A Professional Minisite Graphics Makeover Can Increase Response By Up To 700%

Let me put that another way... without a Professional Minisite Graphics Makeover, you may be losing as many as seven more buyers for every one that actually stays and buys.

ken

Kenny Makit

Sorry. Tried to do this as an edit but couldn't make it work.

Alternatively...

A Professional Minisite Graphics Makeover Can Increase Response By Up To 700%
Let me put that another way...

Without A Professional Minisite Graphics Makeover
You May Be Losing As Many As
Seven More Buyers
For Every One That Actually Stays And Buys

ken

Lance K · 11:49 AM

People shopping for mini site graphics typically know why they're useful. Be different. Let them know straight away why you're different and what you can do for them. That said, here's my suggested headline.

"Give Me $97 And 5 Days Notice, And I'll Deliver Minisite Graphics Guaranteed To Exceed Your Expectations!"

Then for the subhead work in the part about compatibility with the popular site building programs like XSitePro, etc. (think about the Schlitz beer ad example here. This may be common practice in the minisite graphic industry, but nobody has articulated it to the market. The first one to do so will be seen as having this compatibility as a feature to their specific product).

Then start your copy with something like...

It's true. You don't have to pay $197 or more for minisite graphics anymore.

Find your USP. Is it your price, your turn around time, your seamless compatibility with site building software, a combination of those, other?

Charles Brown

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenny Makit

without a Professional Minisite Graphics Makeover, you may be losing as many as seven more buyers for every one that actually stays and buys.

ken

I'm a big fan of negative, fear of loss, headlines. Yes they have a Bill O'Reilly sound to them, but we humans are far more motivated by the thought of losing something than we are the opportunity to gain something.

But having said that, test it to be sure. Let the buyers out there vote.

Charles Brown

Ross

Kevin's recommendations (as per always) are on the money.

Here's my swing at a bare-knuckle headline and a hook...

JanetB

I didn't really understand what you were offering without scrolling down.

Stephen's headline is effective because it's both clear and persuasive.

Maybe follow it with one of Kenny's as deck copy.

The music kind of drove me crazy. I didn't look at the site for too long before I had to close it because of the music (I know people say you can just turn down your speakers, but I hate doing that - I never remember to turn them back up again and then when I *want* to hear something I miss half of it before I remember to turn the speakers up). I'd lose the music.

I hope this is helpful.

Janet

rollinrock

Hey,

First of all I would like to say your graphics are ROCKIN'

Now, let me jump right in and give you my take.

First of all you never mention how you are getting traffic. I say that because you have a bunch of links just below the header graphic.

Do you want people clicking around? or do you want sales?

Next, how much has your stuff been proven to increase sales? (give specific numbers)

Or you can take the WOW approach. . .

"Start making your site stand out like a nosebleed on a white paper napkin, making your more sales in one month than you get all year!"

See how the creates an ultra clear image in the minds eye?

This is what your entire sales page needs to convey.

I would also suggest you tone down your graphics and make them mean something. It looks like you just slapped them on the page.

Also I would test putting the video on a reverse squeeze page. (email me if you don't know what this is) trying to get the optin first.

Next thing I would do is, massage your sub headlines. make them stand out also so the scanners can get the gist of your sales message.

btw, freotech email me about your services I would like to talk to you about getting some work done,

Talk soon,

Shaun Thresher