You could be right... but I hope not! I spent the last 6-7 months working on project on and off during my spare time from school - It would be a complete let down if it didn't reach my expectations (which are realistic, in my opinion)! The online dating industry is still rapidly growing from what I know...

And I will take your comments into account, Vin.

Does anyone have any more comments or suggestions? Another big question is squeeze page vs. non squeeze page... which I will inevitably split-test.

Ha... isnt this Dave M's turf

Internet dating tips, online dating hints, dating advice, and online personals site reviews. Insider Internet Dating.

Yes, I'm well aware. I'm also aware of his affiliation with David D. My goals aren't incredibly ambitious, here...

But thanks for pointing it out!

Okay, if the copy reunion is about over. Copy looks good and so does the format.

1. Might want to test the subhead: ...All It Takes Is A Computer, an Internet Connection And My Proven Online Formula To Meet And Attract Any Woman You Desire...

2. Instead of promising "that it will be worth it..." test "I'll give you three ways to get more dates..."

3. Instead of the subhead "...I mean it." test "Keep reading and I'll show you how."

4. "Did you that only 3%..." to "Did you know that only 3%".

5. "...it Grand-Opening Night." to "it's Grand-Opening Night."

6. "Needless to say..." is not my favorite saying in copy. If it's needless then (1) why did you write it and (2) I wonder what else you've got to say that's needless. i'd drop it.

7. In general there's a lot of Auditory references. You auditory? Try to use more modalities. Visual is a lot safer.

8. The story got boring. Try to pull the reader in more by asking questions like, "You know what I mean?", "Has that ever happened to you?", "Have you ever felt like that?", "Does that makes sense?", "Who does that?".

Of course you already know the answers because you did the research and you know that your reader can completely identify with your story.

9. The guy in the story is your "Master" and needs to have the appropriate credibility. Change "I felt like I was in the presence of a GENIUS" to "I WAS in the presence of a GENIUS".

10. "It took me a LONG time." he said. "But I..." to "It took me a LONG time", he said, "but I..." I always screw-up commas, I'm not sure if it goes in the double-quote or out.

11. "and a whole other list of things I can't tell you about just yet..." to "and dozens (hundreds, thousands) of secrets I reveal in the {title of product here}..."

12. Too many But's starting paragraphs. I see 4 on one browser screen. I'm not going to be wishy-washy on this one, get rid of them.

13. "Let me start off by asking you this." You've already asked them a dozen questions, not really starting off.

14. "But let's not kid ourselves." I don't like insulting people in copy but if you must, change it to "Don't kid yourself." Remember, you're talking to one person and you have no illusions about how bars really are so there's no "We".

15. "and those guys are using the same approach" change to "and those guys are using the same tired and useless approach" Words could be better. Get some feeling in there.

16. "Are you a math wizard?" I repeat this a lot. I don't recommend asking questions you don't know the answer to or don't want them asking. If they're not then you just got a "No" which is not good. If they are then everything that follows could be taken as insulting.

17. You challenge them to leave your letter and create a fake profile as a woman. What could possibly be good about that? Maybe tell them about your experiment. You're the expert, you have the experience. I don't recommend you try to make them the expert in the middle of your copy.

18. "It really makes me want to cry." That's the 3rd time you've cried or wanted to. If you have to make a bold statement then there's better ones to make like, "It's too bad for them that they're not reading the letter you're reading right now and learning the secrets to getting more ..." Stoke their ego and reaffirm the commitment they've made in reading your letter.

19. "I KNOW you're not going to believe me" is not exactly what a confident writer would think now is it?

That's as far as I could get. Too much to do.

Be strong, pull the reader in, talk to one person and when you have to make statements address one of their hot buttons.

Great work. Keep writing. Cheers

Thanks you so much for that in-depth analysis, VDMP! Those are some great suggestions - I am addressing them all as we speak. I just have two quick question...

In suggestion #7... could you please clarify what is meant by 'auditory references'? Are you referring to the dialogue in my story? Are you suggesting that I paint a more vivid image in the story instead?

In suggestion #8... could you tell me when the story got particularly boring? I definitely don't want to bore my readers - that's my biggest fear. I will try to engage the reader more by asking more questions. Are there any other techniques to use to create a better effect?

The other suggestions were awesome and straight-foward. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out!

No one else is allowed to write an e-book about online dating because David M. has one?

You're lucky in that I'm probably wrong. At least in the short term.

I wouldn't worry about the online dating industry. I know people who have met their spouses this way.

My own online dating experience has been frustrating, but I haven't met creeps. Just guys who seem right until we meet. Then one of us doesn't want to connect with the other, and that's always awkward and difficult.

The desire to connect with someone is pretty strong, and it's hard to meet people after high school/college.

I think online dating will be around and healthy for a long time, although there are many people who won't go near it.

Janet

Most won't though.

Everybody has an anecdote about someone who met their love online. But then inevitably recount how their own luck failed.

I know exactly two people where it worked out. Out of the hundreds where it didn't.

Anyway...I think the market is healthy in that most people will go through a stint of online dating before finding more effective ways.

My own theory is that you should make many, many friends and get introductions.

Anybody who hopes to meet anyone at a bar other than a lush --and risk getting crabs-- is in for heartache.

Whatever happened to good ol' dance classes or something like that?

Ok...I hijacked this poor guy's thread enough...let me get back to work.