Hello Everyone,

Thanks for stopping by. Please critique the copy for my new ebook:
Desperate for Change: How to Overcome What's Held You Back and Achieve the Dream, Wealth and Love your Deserve.

This sales page will appear on my website.

The file was too large to attach. So I cut and pasted here. Your critique is appreciated!

Thanks again for your help,
Jackie
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• Living from paycheck to paycheck no matter what you do and fearing that life will continue this way;
• Wondering why you are still “stuck”
• Unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships that leave you feeling empty and resentful;
• Unfulfilled dreams, untapped purpose
• Poor health;
• Anxiety, depression and uneasiness that interferes with your quality of life;
• Crippling fear that prevents you from taking the next step;
• Feeling trapped in a job that you don’t like, but keep because you have to survive;
• Wanting to change your life, but not knowing what to do to “get there.
• Craving the approval of others.

You really do believe that you deserve the best that life has to offer, don’t you? An opportunity for transformation found you because you desire change.

Despite my educational accomplishments, skills, counseling appointments, prayers, commitment to self-help books, I circled the same mountain for years. I continued living from paycheck to paycheck, struggling, wishing for more fulfilling relationships, and desiring to live my calling.

An unsettling feeling of discontentment haunted me daily. And, no matter what I did, I attracted the same themes and things. As I watched others sail to the sea of their dreams, while waiting, wondering and wandering. You can probably understand this, too.

Finally, I had enough of the mundane. In my desperation, I began to seek out and attract information and tools that literally transformed my life! You will learn the principles that transformed my life from mediocrity and lack to a life of unimagined success in my relationships, finances, life purpose and calling and spirituality. As a result of my own metamorphosis, I wrote and designed, “Desperate for Change” transformation system to help others.

You see, you are not stuck because of your job, your relationship or reality. They are all a by-products. Remodeling your life begins with changing your foundation also known as your belief system. Your beliefs determine your thoughts, which determine your actions and behavior. All of these form your reality.

Many try to change their realities or circumstances while leaving their foundation untreated. Yes, you can change the furniture, repaint the walls a different color and even put a new floor in a house. But, if the foundation is cracked or your house is still in disarray.

“Desperate for Change” Transformation system consist of an E-book and Transformation Journal and Workbook. It is a proven coaching system that has powerfully changed many lives! Success is not magic or luck. It’s a science or law, and if you learn the science, you will win every time. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you were born, your educational level or socioeconomic status. When you learn how to lay the foundation properly, remodeling is easy.

Many traditional self help books and programs point you to what is wrong and what you need to do, leaving out the HOW. That’s why many people who have read hundreds of self-help programs and attended dozens of seminars are often in the same situation.

I have to warn you, your life is going to take on a new direction! In Desperate for Change, you will get the tools and insight that will take you to a place you’ve never been. This is clear road map that will help you:

• Create a brand new you;
• Tap into power that you never knew you had;
• Experience unimagined success in all areas of your life at the same time. Yes, you can have your cake and eat it too! Who said you couldn’t?
• Begin to experience the financial freedom you’ve dreamed of so that you can do what you want, when you want;
• Experience the fulfilling relationship with yourself and others that you desire and deserve.
• Move into your dream career, mission and calling;
• Discover why wealth, health and happiness is your birthright;
• Capitalize from adversity so that it becomes your biggest asset;
• Free yourself from beliefs that imprisoned you and replace them with new ones;
• Set new intentions
• Take action by following a simple, fail proof plan that I will walk you through

Cars Are Wonderful Vehicles, But They Can’t Drive Themselves!

Cars are great vehicles to have because they are designed to get you from one destination to the next. And since a car is quite an investment, no one buys one just to park it in the garage.

A car is one of many vehicles this world has to offer. A vehicle is anything that acts as a means or medium to help you achieve something specific.



Can you imagine someone buying a new car, climbing into it and then waiting for it start and drive off the lot by itself? I know that sounds ridiculous! Yet, many have that attitude about things in life. We may invest in something because it is a vehicle to help us achieve something, yet we don’t drive it! If you don’t drive your vehicle, it’s not going to move. In other words, things don’t just happen.

Bernard Smalls, a business man, consultant and author of, The Lemonade Principle, said in his book, “Spectacular performance is always preceded by unspectacular preparation.”

Don’t park this life changing vehicle! Get in and follow the road map.

To get to the point, Desperate for Change is a vehicle for you. This vehicle will drive you to:

• A better income
• Happier and more harmonious life
• Courage to live your life purpose
• Empowerment to fulfill your personal career & mission
• Ability to choose and attract better relationships

Eny Meiny Miney Mo, Shall I Take The Change Or Let It Go!

When I was a counselor, there was one thing that I noticed over and over again; many people wanted to change, yet they resisted it! The very thing we want freedom from is sometimes the thing we hold on to with clenched fists. So we eventually stop trying because the comfort zone seems to have more benefits than the new place of change. Quite frankly, it is not uncommon to want to quit. Sometimes parents want to quit parenting, employees want to quit their jobs, spouses want to quit their marriage, and athletes want to quit training because they become tired, frustrated, and overworked.

Can I tell you something? There are times when I wanted to quit—and I did. The reason I quit and many others quit is because:

• The investment at the time seemed too costly. In other words, it was too much money, time, and work and the rewards hadn’t caught up with the sacrifice.
• Discouragement set in and there seemed to be no guarantee that change was really going to happen. The likelihood of staying “stuck” was pretty high.

When you quit, you walk away from a door that could lead to your independence, success and freedom. As a result, you stay “stuck” and then become frustrated because the dream that you once had, has become your nightmare.

If you want to experience the kind of success you have never experienced, change is necessary. Remember, success doesn’t just happen!


Think about a butterfly for a moment. It debuts into the world as a caterpillar. The caterpillar eventually grows tired or crawling and seeks change because it desires control over its desting. Fortunately, the caterpillar goes through a process called metamorphosis and then becomes a beautiful butterfly, soaring to heights that were previously out of reach. What would happen if the caterpillar lost his vision of becoming a butterfly? What will happen if you lose your vision of soaring to heights unknown?

In this powerful system we will identify beliefs that have kept you stuck, dismantle them and replace them, set a fail proof action plan for your success in relationships, finances, health, mission. There is no way that you will stay the same – unless you choose.

Want change? Order this life changing transformation system today. For the low cost of $69.99 you can receive “Desperate for Change” E-book and the “Transformation Journal and Workbook.” Your life will be changed forever and you will receive the download immediately.

I am so confident in this program, that I am offering a 30 day money back guarantee!

If you order today, you can purchase it for $49.99 instead of $69.99. That’s cheaper than dinner for two at your favorite restaurant. Congratulations and cheers to the "new you."

Sounds like a very compassionate letter. I applaud your desire to serve. Here's some thoughts.

1. I got lost in the metaphors. Maybe shorten them up and explain each piece of them to something they'll get in case they get lost to.

2. The bullets, which seems where the real benefits are, are buried and barely recognizable. I assume you'll make them bigger and bolder on the site.

3. The starting agitating bullets are risky because one of more might not resonate with some people. This is probably a personal preference but I'd much rather hit those points in a story than straight bullets right at the beginning. If you really want bullets make sure you know your audience well and the bullets are so strong that matching just one will draw them forward.

Keep writing. Cheers

Hi Jackie,

Overall, this is nice, intelligent writing. The overall impression is that this is a good book by someone who knows what she's talking about. And you pass the "what's in it for me" test.

There are many typos, though, so go through this with a fine-toothed comb or have a friend proofread it before putting it up.

If you could do only one other thing - besides proofreading - to improve this, I would say add more subheads, especially at the beginning. These break up the copy and make it easier to digest the chunks of text.

Also, many will skim the letter and grab on to the subheads, so it's best if someone reading just the subheads gets the jist of what you're writing - in particular the benefits. So each subhead is like a little headline, in terms of its importance, and the approach you should take.

You do need good transitions between each subhead (especially before the subhead appears). So it's more work than it might seem. It's possible that you'll be able to just add a subhead in an appropriate place and it will easily connect, but be careful that it does.

One place where you need a transition is just before the car subhead. This subhead jumps out of the blue and its relevance isn't immediately apparent.

Here's an example of a transition you could use after the bulleted list and before the car subhead (and you're welcome to use this):

"Now that last one is important. Let me explain . . ."

Be careful about saying the cost is $49.95 if you order it today. You can say that this is an introductory price. I personally think it's best to use a real deadline and stick to it, but that's purely my opinion and not backed up by anything whatsoever.

I hope this is helpful.

Janet